(If your computer can handle
it please click this YouTube
linkand 'Watch in HD'. It's
Incredible.)
10:41 AM,
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008:
Get me out, get me
out, how can it not be 2009 already.
Jesus.
Even the
extraordinary social shift of this year can't soften
how I'll feel/remember '08. As incredible as it sounds
to even type it, this was the most difficult year of
my life... and finally one where I can hold onto the
addage that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
'Cause honestly, that shit isn't always true.
Sometimes what doesn't kill you scars your ass for a
long time and you become a shadow of yourself. But
this year, even during it, I would step back and
think: "Holy shit, when did I get this
strength?"
And
then there's this site, which I have
to admit I cursed several times putting
this fucking video together. It's
almost like a mental rehab that you know
is good for you, but just hurts so damn
bad. However the more you revisit the bad
shit - the easier it gets. And since
sharing those things publically helps as
well, it's very nice to have been able to
sneak in the titles "The Humiliation" and
"The Fucking Insanity" to shed a bit of
light on stories that couldn't be public.
A maddening aspect of this project that,
trust me, I wish wasn't necessary - but if
you read them, you'd know why they're
private.
And
throughout every single difficult personal
moment, there was this strange
exhilirating political component that
helped me focus on things bigger than me.
March
is just... silly. Intensely difficult
entries (some of which are finally
unlocked
btw) dealing with having to commit your
wife wrapped around Obama's Race Speech.
Even the HGTV humiliation was the
week I went down to get the Obama poster
during the LA debate.
Every
step of this incredibly taxing year was
surrounded by a political whirlwind so
overwhelming to those of us who followed
it... that we still can't process
it. How could a black dude with that name
become president? How? A baffling,
exhausting year for me on every level. And
as usual, by this point, the last thing I
want to do is look back. I want
desperately to get to the next entry and
look ahead.
However the reason
I want so badly to look forward is a choice I made
this summer to finally become "that guy". That guy
that I had avoided for so long, hoping desperately to
be sincere: The Networker. Uggggggh. Through Facebook
I added everyone I could possibly see, introduced
myself through email and sent people updates from The
Journey looking desperately for a
manager/agent/partner. I honestly had no choice. It
really was the last step after putting together such
good content. People have to see it even if it takes
manually adding people, one by one and incurring the
wrath to follow. Being the over-sensitive little girl
I am, the emails I receive after every, single,
mailing put me in a sour mood the entire day... but
for every 10 nasty emails (mind you, I'm not selling a
damn thing) I would make one strong contact and
it changed the course of my career.
Without that
constant adding, there would be no trip to Chicago,
trip to NY, trip to the debates, chance to speak with
CBS, meeting with Management 360, Hesh's apartment and
more than anything a friend like Laura Adler who seems
more relaxed and confident about the success in the
upcoming year than I do. There would also not be the
"1st vlogger ever" title which just happened to
pop-up after the massive push to get it out there. I
can't remember a time when I was more focused. But
make no mistake, I want out of this year. :-)
And I want
out of this entry. So is this enough Journey? Did I do
my job of looking back? Can I PLEEEEEZE look ahead
now? PLEEEEEZE.
