5
 
 
(If your computer can handle it please click this YouTube link and 'Watch in HD'. It's Incredible.)
 
10:41 AM, Wednesday, December 31st, 2008:
 
Get me out, get me out, how can it not be 2009 already. Jesus.
 
Even the extraordinary social shift of this year can't soften how I'll feel/remember '08. As incredible as it sounds to even type it, this was the most difficult year of my life... and finally one where I can hold onto the addage that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 'Cause honestly, that shit isn't always true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you scars your ass for a long time and you become a shadow of yourself. But this year, even during it, I would step back and think: "Holy shit, when did I get this strength?"
 
And then there's this site, which I have to admit I cursed several times putting this fucking video together. It's almost like a mental rehab that you know is good for you, but just hurts so damn bad. However the more you revisit the bad shit - the easier it gets. And since sharing those things publically helps as well, it's very nice to have been able to sneak in the titles "The Humiliation" and "The Fucking Insanity" to shed a bit of light on stories that couldn't be public. A maddening aspect of this project that, trust me, I wish wasn't necessary - but if you read them, you'd know why they're private.
 
And throughout every single difficult personal moment, there was this strange exhilirating political component that helped me focus on things bigger than me. March is just... silly. Intensely difficult entries (some of which are finally unlocked btw) dealing with having to commit your wife wrapped around Obama's Race Speech. Even the HGTV humiliation was the week I went down to get the Obama poster during the LA debate.
 
Every step of this incredibly taxing year was surrounded by a political whirlwind so overwhelming to those of us who followed it... that we still can't process it. How could a black dude with that name become president? How? A baffling, exhausting year for me on every level. And as usual, by this point, the last thing I want to do is look back. I want desperately to get to the next entry and look ahead.
 
However the reason I want so badly to look forward is a choice I made this summer to finally become "that guy". That guy that I had avoided for so long, hoping desperately to be sincere: The Networker. Uggggggh. Through Facebook I added everyone I could possibly see, introduced myself through email and sent people updates from The Journey looking desperately for a manager/agent/partner. I honestly had no choice. It really was the last step after putting together such good content. People have to see it even if it takes manually adding people, one by one and incurring the wrath to follow. Being the over-sensitive little girl I am, the emails I receive after every, single, mailing put me in a sour mood the entire day... but for every 10 nasty emails (mind you, I'm not selling a damn thing) I would make one strong contact and it changed the course of my career.
 
Without that constant adding, there would be no trip to Chicago, trip to NY, trip to the debates, chance to speak with CBS, meeting with Management 360, Hesh's apartment and more than anything a friend like Laura Adler who seems more relaxed and confident about the success in the upcoming year than I do. There would also not be the "1st vlogger ever" title which just happened to pop-up after the massive push to get it out there. I can't remember a time when I was more focused. But make no mistake, I want out of this year. :-)
 
And I want out of this entry. So is this enough Journey? Did I do my job of looking back? Can I PLEEEEEZE look ahead now? PLEEEEEZE.
 
Thank you.
 
Adam