(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
8:43 PM, Saturday,
May 10th, 2008:
There's
a moment in "Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind" where it turns from strange
and interesting to perfect and it's
a moment I'll never forget. At the end
(not really a spoiler if you haven't seen
it, you'll forget this about 45 seconds
into this bizarre film) the two main
characters end up back at the beginning of
the movie, except now they have proof that
their relationship is going to end badly.
They have no memories, they think they
just met - but they know for certain it
will be heartbreaking (as we the viewer
have already seen). It's all a set up for
one of my favorite moments in movie-making
history when knowing it's not gonna work
out, they look at each other...and jump
anyway.
Now it's not
because they're just sappy romantics that I like that
moment - it's because in the end, it's about living in
the moment. Rather zen-like considering my current
frustrations with all things Buddha. The
Journey is what matters. In 2005, Jessica and
I spent a "Secret
Week"
together that was one of the most endearing and
wonderful things we've ever done. We were already
broken up, she was back in LA on business for a
couple months - and her last week she moved in and we
just acted like we were married. No questions, no
drama, no stressing about "what it all meant", we just
reconnected on all the levels that made us love each
other. And at the end of the week, at the moment where
most movies would have her tearing up her ticket and
staying? She got on the plane and went home. It
was the right thing to do. To date it was one of the
best choices, that everyone would've told me
I was crazy for had they known, I ever
made.
I'm sure you see
where this is leading... :-)
I can't help
it. The closer I get to 11am tomorrow the more
I can feel it happening. It doesn't matter that
my head knows it will most likely unravel within the
month. It doesn't matter that I've watched this
pattern she's going through 20 times in a row the last
20 months. I love her. I just love the hell out
of her. I'm going to pick her up (then I have to sit
through 3 hours of funtime at Camp Creepy) and just
jump. Feel the closeness and believe again. She is
100% onboard and is certain, as she always is, that
she's got the right mindset for everything to work out
perfectly. I will give it every single opportunity to
work, as I always do, and enjoy every moment we
have together. Eternal Sunshine for now. I'll love you
forever, for now. Man it's crazy how that medley went
full circle a few entries back.
So there you are.
13 crazy entries from my month off while Donna escaped
to a wonderland of... bald padawans in Jedi Robes.
I swear to CHRIST if she shaved her head...
fuck that didn't even occur to me. Oh dear. Oh dear
sweet jesus of nazareth. That would make things
difficult. Not to be superficial here - but if she's
bald, of her own choice and not like, chemo? I'm just
gonna forget I even mentioned this. This isn't
happening. This isn't happening. This isn't happening.
I didn't write that. I didn't write that.
I didn't write that.
:-)
Funny
I resort to repeating a statement over and over
(as one would do while meditating) to clear my mind of
that. I guess I'm a closet Buddhist. Heh. Good
Buddha, what can possibly happen next...
Adam
PS - fun
video
to do. See the movie, it'll make a bit more
sense....
