- 12:48
PM, Monday, March 11th, 2002:
-
- Well at least I'm
not a slimeball. That or I keep a secret like a 3 year
old. I've haven't determined that one yet. Am I really
just honest, or incredibly inept at keeping secrets?
Well, the following day, in an instant message with
Charlotte, the shit came down. I think the only reason
I was able to be so frank and to the point was because
of the forum. The yelling and arguing on the phone
would've killed me. This was much more civilized and
honestly, so clearly shows why I can no longer work
with her. Even after two 4 hour conversations, and a
mini 45 minute one today, she has yet to answer any of
the biggest problems I had with her. Mind
boggling really. I'll get to my feelings after the
Instant Messages. Please, whatever you do - don't
SKIM. If you find yourself racing through it, stop and
read it later. It obviously won't take you 9 hours to
read it, but it should certainly take a good 45
minutes to an hour to read the first 2. It's a lot of
information, and really - it's the only unbiased thing
I can offer. Absolutely nothing was
edited.
-
-
-
- So there you have
it. By the way, I asked her about saving the first
instant message because I had only copied it into
word, and didn't want to manually color each name. I
just recently found out you can actually SAVE the
instant message as a web page at the click of a
button. Fucking figures. Dear GOD it took a long
time to prepare the first one. GAHHHHH! Anyway, the
last part of 3 really shocked me. I was actually
looking forward to ending things on a good note, and
it turns into that. I'm still amazed that she didn't
see that I was asking her about "just being a manager"
so she wasn't COMPLETELY empty handed. That was a
headache I was willing to endure, just because I felt
she had put SOOOOO much into this and was getting
nothing. It makes me sick to my stomache the position
she's in. But she made it very clear that she sees no
reason to continue a relationship if she isn't part of
the writing process.
-
- As I said in the
instant message, I'm well aware that I've shown little
to be considered capable of writing a sitcom. that
doesn't change the fact that in the end - it's MY
show. I'm the one all over it. If every direction the
characters take - I DISAGREE WITH - then
I need to be able to say "No." This isn't
possible with her, and as far as I'm concerned that
adds up to "Irreconcilable Differences". I said I
couldn't write with her, she said she couldn't manage
me without that aspect and it's over. That is the
bottom line. I never should've even mentioned
continuing without the writing, but I felt shitty for
leaving her with nothing.
-
- So what do I
really think. As of today, I think I was being used,
to get HER a development deal. SHE wants to write
for TV. SHE found something that she could write for,
and that's ALL she wanted out of it. And you know
what, if I could work with her - that'd be FINE.
I got NO problem being used. It's not like I
wouldn't be going down the same path with her. I'd be
reaping all the benefits as well. It could've been a
partnership. But the thought of not performing The
Trinitrons anymore, and just writing a sitcom with her
- might be the worst thing I've ever thought of in my
life.
-
- You know, that may
be why she didn't want any more industry to see me
perform. That she only wanted them to see me in an
acting audition capacity - and pitching the pilot -
because if they signed me to a TALENT deal, she
wouldn't have the leverage as a writer. She's
obviously not happy with the normal 15% a manager
would take. Again, it's not about me - it's about her
being able to WRITE for television. Something that I
could give or take. Something that for her is
ABSOLUTELY paramount. So paramount, that the thought
of not writing the sitcom, nixes the entire
relationship. There's probably a more eloquent way to
write all of this, but I think I'm on the right track.
Either way, that's not fair to me. I should be able to
have a manager and not be forced to create
WITH her. Imagine if Brian Epstein wrote The
Beatles songs. Or if, they'd only record when Brian
thought they were good enough? John would beat his
ass....after he had sex with him of course - LOLOL.
Ahh the rumors will haunt his memory
forever.
-
- This is all
conjecture on my point anyway. What isn't conjecture
is her amazing lack of "answer a question" skills. I'm
pretty sure she could give CLINTON a run for his
money. My point about the "lacking initiative in
August and September" was never even approached
because she ignored it and ignored it. What I feel
happened is this: She didn't think acting classes, or
improv classes, or theater groups meant SHIT at that
point. Yes, in early June she brought up Groundlings -
and I simply could NOT afford it. Well over $1000. I
said it would HAVE to wait. After we finished taping
though - not a WORD was spoken. I seriously called
EVERY DAY to Charlotte. Well maybe 5 times a
week, but quite routinely asking if there was
ANYTHING I COULD DO TO HELP MY CAREER.
I even asked about being her runner -
FOR FREE. Helping drop off the tapes so she
didn't waste $15 paying a messenger to do it. No. She
told me just to wait for Saget. I asked if I could
make FUCKING copies at her office - ANYTHING. No.
So I waited...I finally BLEW up in September and
said: "Fuck this I'm playing on the 30th".
-
- Cut to January
15th. She has the audacity to tell me I lacked the
initiative to go and join a theatre group or an acting
class when I had time off from August to September and
now I NEED to do it to catch up. I asked her why
the FUCK she didn't say this THEN. You know what she
says? "I shouldn't have to, you should take the
initiative to do some things on your own."
-
- Holy fucking SHIT.
You know why she didn't tell me!?! The real reason!?
She didn't think it was necessary then. If she did,
she would've mentioned it the NUMEROUS TIMES I
called her asking for ANYTHING to do. She thought
I was going to Aspen and it wouldn't matter. She put
ALLLLLL her eggs in that basket and ignored telling me
to do anything but sit and wait. That is HER
FAULT as a manager - PERIOD. Here's the
kicker:
-
- I WAS WILLING TO ACCEPT THAT AND MOVE ON.
But she had to BLAME it on me. She had to tell me
it was my fault that I didn't do that then. And that,
is why, I am DONE with Charlotte. There is no clearer
example. And as you've already read, it's not even
CLOSE to the only example. Every mistake was blamed on
me. All of them. In an effort to make sure she looked
right, she turned the tables. Well, I'm not a fucking
moron. And holy SHIT am I typing fast right now. The
anger is KILLING me. WOW. I can't believe how strongly
this effects me. It's a wonder that all I did was take
some vicodin a couple of nights. Well that's over now.
It's all over now. It's funny in my annual December
video I admitted that I wasn't getting a development
deal, I thought Charlotte was full of shit, and by the
same time next year, we wouldn't be on speaking terms.
Who'd think it would only take 2 months.
-
- What's next? No
clue. I need to get my head straight. I need to figure
out about The Chicago Festival, and then make a plan
of action. I will book some shows, and try to find
what makes me who I am. I've lost that. I've lost
every bit of faith in myself - hell I'm not
reiterating the instant messages. You know how I feel.
What I need to do RIGHT now though, is work on
the next entry. Good GOD is it gonna be huge. Talk
about dropping some bombshells. And the balance
between true feelings and being "appropriate" is gonna
be insanely difficult to write. (sigh). Here I
go...
-
- Adam
-
- original
video file
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