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11:45 AM, Tuesday, November 7th, 2006:
Two weeks, two weeks - I KNOW. Give a man a BREAK. Adam's tired. Adam didn't wanna think about it for a little bit. But I'll make-up to you all with my favorite type of entry. RANDOMS. Randoms rock. I did this last February and in May of 2005 when I was in Japan, and they're always more fun to read looking back. So away we go:
Guess which one I did? LOL
1) Donna and I had a ball in Columbus. She got to carve her first pumpkin, go trick or treating with my cousins, and spend time with the family. The best memory has to be of hide and seek with the kids. My cousin Meghan asked me "Who's your friend?" "Bob"... "OK, Hey Bob!!". The rest of the kids called her Bob and never thought twice about it. That night the youngest boy Jacob was talking to his dad about "Adam and Bob" and he just looked there with the most quizzical look: "I think you're confused..." "No, no Adam said! Adam said her name was Bob!" Dear GOD am I gonna have the greatest time with my kids. Ohio was a blast. It got reallycold on the last day and then we flew home to 75 degree weather. Hell it's been in the 80s most of the week. :-)
2) So coming back from Ohio Donna and I decided to detox for a few days. You can't do Columbus without eating ridiculously fattening fun food. Impossible. So we just said screw it and had a ball. Not sure I mentioned it before, but Donna knows more about food and how it interracts with your body than anyone I've ever known. Knows what foods to cook together to do certain things for your body - welcome to meeting someone from another country. It's extraordinary how much I've learned. So coming to LA we decided to start with a water fast and flush all the shit out of our body. Easy for the African Queen who apparently is made out of Titanium. I've fasted before, but I think I've always had some sort of caffeine to get through the day. A water fast? Fuuuuuuuuuck. I hit hour 40 and literally started hallucinating. I didn't have a headache, I wasn't hungry - I was delirious. I couldn't form sentences. I could barely understand where I was. Donna finally says:  "Uhm, you need to eat something." So she goes to cut up an apple for me... and I begin to CRY. Like "Wah-hah" crying. Then, when she brings it and I start to eat? I begin laughing hysterically. Then I start laughing because I'm laughing. Guys I was losing it. Shizzle was on the bed trying to steal some apple pieces and even he was lookin' at me like: "What the fuck man?" Donna on the other hand was on day 3 of drinking nothing but water like it was a goddamn amusement park. Jumpin' around, singin', havin' a ball. Apparently her body had far fewer toxins than mine. I couldn't form sentences. Funny stuff.
3) Oh here's one I forgot. In NY just after getting the CBS gig? I had a dream...you ready for this? I had a dream that I was at a party and two midget girls wanted to have sex with me on camera and for some reason I did it. I was all caught up in this... LOL... pornucopia of midget love and these guys are filming it and of course then I start thinking about how bad this might be. Of course cut to a week later (a few minutes in my dream) and I'm all over the internet and of course I lose my CBS gig. I was all stressed and so angry with myself for being so stupid and then I woke up. If there's a dream analyzation for that scenario I gotta say...I don't want to hear it.
4) The Soprano entries were filled enough, so I had to leave this out, but it was one of the most difficult moments of my entire adult life. So I'm sitting their with one of the background guys, total Jersey accent, and he asks if I know anything about computers. I said that indeed I did, what did he need to know...
"Sos (not a typo, sound it out) I'm buyin' this computer and the sales guy's tryin ta convince me ta get dis otha one. Now he's tryin ta tell me that dis 1.8 processor is faster than dis 1.25 processor. What the fuck right? How is 8 faster than 25?"
Sit there with a straight face and not laugh in his. Seriously. I actually pulled it off by explaining that it was indeed 1.8ZERO. In which he replied:
"Oh it is 80? Why didn't he just say that?"
5) As to not put all the embarrassment on others, I'll point some my way. This happened nearly 6 months ago. I'm running across the street (crowded, busy street) to my bank holding things in both hands, when suddenly - out jumps my penis. Like FLAPPIN in the wind. Apparently my fly is down and I understand that this is yet another reason your mother tells you to wear underwear. I'm of course fucked because I have no quick way of caging said penis but somehow, out of nowhere, pulled the jedi move of all time throwing my phone in the air to my left hand putting my member in my pants at the same time in literally a nanosecond. The people walking towards me had to have seen it, but I just kept on runnin'. If anyone of those guys had a blog I'm sure there's a mention of the "craziest thing I've ever seen crossing a street" floating around the net. :-)
6) You guys catch The Daily Show in Columbus? Welcome to the most surreal 4 shows I may have ever watched. I was in Columbus for the first one and it was like the Twilight Zone. One of my favorite shows, just chillin' in my home town. Each show I just couldn't believe what I was seeing half the time. I've been a Buckeye my whole life and it's obviously like second nature to me - but to see it spotlighted so prominently is crazy. It's cool though - for those who don't know - Columbus is THE test market for almost everything. Any restaurant hoping to franchise across the country always starts the second one in Columbus because it's a great test market for how it'll go across the country. A very even balance of big city, and small town wrapped into one. But again, how surreal...
7) Of course The Daily Show was in Columbus because of the mid-term elections which are today and you probably know how I feel. My absolute biggest hope in all of this is that there is an investigation into the Bush Administration's actions to get us into war. If that means we need the majority of the house and senate be democrat? So be it. They're all fuckin' politicians, but I really do feel that for the good of the country, we all need to understand what this administration has done. I absolutely feel there were several high crimes and misdemeanors leading to that war and the only way to prove me right or wrong is to have an independent investigation. So I will absolutely be hoping for the Democrats to get control. From what I'm reading however, there's all sorts of voter scare tactics, intimidation and fucked up voting machines. I have a feeling that will make it a split house and senate by night's end. Or even worse - weeks of lawsuits. God help us all.
8) And God help Faith Hill. I'm sorry honey, but that was bad. That was really bad. It's so bad I almost entertain the notion you were joking... but you weren't. If you missed it (although in the coming days I'm sure you'll see it a hundred times) last night at the Country Music Awards when they announced Carrie Underwood female vocalist of the year, Faith Hill lost her shit.
What's even stranger to me is how she raises her hands, it would've been a strange motion had she actually won - so I think she knew it wasn't her and was just preparing to clap for one of the veterans and was pissed the rookie won it. It was an upset for sure, but wow. Just wow. What I wouldn't give to be nominated for an award and lose so I could spoof Faith Hill. Be on the lookout for the first person to spoof her - they'll certainly call him/her a comic genius whenever it happens. Easy career booster I'd say...
9) I wanted to give a bit of an update on two people I care about deeply, Jess and Cass. Both are doing pretty well. Cassi found a great place in Studio city that made her commute a bit shorter and is very happy. You will continue to see her on the boards without a doubt. She's even been erasing bots for me from time to time. We met for coffee a couple days ago and I just left with the overwhelming feeling of relief. It all worked out and she's now completely on her own, with an awesome job at a production company and she's meeting new people constantly. She is certainly flyng, and can't wait to see where she lands. Jess did end up breaking up with Gunner Greg and is seeing a new guy, Jeff who's awesome. Donna and I went out with them twice while we were in Columbus and it was great. Nothing makes me happier than seeing Jess happy and fulfilled and conversely, nothing breaks my heart more than seeing her not reach her potential. And shit, how cool does "Jess and Jeff" sound? Just please, both of you, I need a promise. Please. Whatever you do. Don't name all your kids with "J" names. For the love of fuck. Please. It's so cute it makes me want to vomit.
10) And finally of course, CBS. I meet with the producer again tomorrow to do a conference call with New York and to try and work out the main scene with the props and stuff they have on hand. Then on Friday I go back again to do all 4 Trinitrons...(sigh) Egos, with the make-up people so we can get a feeling on how to do them. Then next week we film the test shoot which will be a completely made-up show with old contestants from the first Living Room Live to give the executives an idea of what we're doing. Of course the biggest concerns right now for me is how I'll technically be editing all of this, and I still haven't heard from business affairs about any sort of salary. That part's been kickin' my ass lately and I just pray something comes up soon. That savings I've been living off of? Yeah, that's gone. I would've had a job by September and then the CBS thing came up - so I've held off. I'm now getting antsy and that whole fairy tale month is farrrrrr behind. LOL. Either way, I know what you really care about and that's this: 2 cracks this week at seeing Carter McSnazzyPants. Let's just say I won't have my camera rolling.