Two weeks, two
weeks - I KNOW. Give a man a BREAK. Adam's tired.
Adam didn't wanna think about it for a little bit. But
I'll make-up to you all with my favorite type of
entry. RANDOMS. Randoms rock. I did this
last
February
and in May
of 2005
when I was in Japan, and they're always more fun
to read looking back. So away we go:
Guess which one
I did? LOL
1) Donna and
I had a ball in Columbus. She got to carve her
first pumpkin, go trick or treating with my cousins,
and spend time with the family. The best memory has to
be of hide and seek with the kids. My cousin Meghan
asked me "Who's your friend?" "Bob"... "OK, Hey
Bob!!". The rest of the kids called her Bob and never
thought twice about it. That night the youngest boy
Jacob was talking to his dad about "Adam and
Bob" and he just looked there with the most
quizzical look: "I think you're confused..." "No, no
Adam said! Adam said her name was Bob!" Dear GOD am
I gonna have the greatest time with my kids. Ohio
was a blast. It got reallycold on the last day and
then we flew home to 75 degree weather. Hell it's been
in the 80s most of the week. :-)
2) So coming back
from Ohio Donna and I decided to detox for a few
days. You can't do Columbus without eating
ridiculously fattening fun food. Impossible. So we
just said screw it and had a ball. Not sure I
mentioned it before, but Donna knows more about food
and how it interracts with your body than anyone I've
ever known. Knows what foods to cook together to do
certain things for your body - welcome to meeting
someone from another country. It's extraordinary how
much I've learned. So coming to LA we decided to
start with a water fast and flush all the shit out of
our body. Easy for the African Queen who apparently is
made out of Titanium. I've fasted before, but I think
I've always had some sort of caffeine to get through
the day. A water fast? Fuuuuuuuuuck. I hit hour 40 and
literally started hallucinating. I didn't have a
headache, I wasn't hungry - I was delirious.
I couldn't form sentences. I could barely
understand where I was. Donna finally says:
"Uhm, you need to eat something." So she goes to cut
up an apple for me... and I begin to CRY. Like
"Wah-hah" crying. Then, when she brings it and I start
to eat? I begin laughing hysterically. Then
I start laughing because I'm laughing. Guys
I was losing it. Shizzle was on the bed trying to
steal some apple pieces and even he was lookin' at me
like: "What the fuck man?" Donna on the other hand was
on day 3 of drinking nothing but water like it was a
goddamn amusement park. Jumpin' around, singin',
havin' a ball. Apparently her body had far fewer
toxins than mine. I couldn't form sentences.
Funny stuff.
3) Oh here's one
I forgot. In NY just after getting the
CBS gig? I had a dream...you ready for this?
I had a dream that I was at a party and two
midget girls wanted to have sex with me on camera and
for some reason I did it. I was all caught up in
this... LOL... pornucopia of midget love and these
guys are filming it and of course then I start
thinking about how bad this might be. Of course cut to
a week later (a few minutes in my dream) and I'm all
over the internet and of course I lose my CBS gig. I
was all stressed and so angry with myself for being so
stupid and then I woke up. If there's a dream
analyzation for that scenario I gotta
say...I don't want to hear it.
4) The Soprano
entries were filled enough, so I had to leave this
out, but it was one of the most difficult moments of
my entire adult life. So I'm sitting their with one of
the background guys, total Jersey accent, and he asks
if I know anything about computers. I said
that indeed I did, what did he need to
know...
"Sos (not a typo,
sound it out) I'm buyin' this computer and the sales
guy's tryin ta convince me ta get dis otha one. Now
he's tryin ta tell me that dis 1.8 processor is faster
than dis 1.25 processor. What the fuck right? How is 8
faster than 25?"
Sit there with a
straight face and not laugh in his. Seriously. I
actually pulled it off by explaining that it was
indeed 1.8ZERO. In which he replied:
"Oh it is 80? Why
didn't he just say that?"
Whew.
5) As to not put
all the embarrassment on others, I'll point some my
way. This happened nearly 6 months ago. I'm running
across the street (crowded, busy street) to my bank
holding things in both hands, when suddenly - out
jumps my penis. Like FLAPPIN in the wind. Apparently
my fly is down and I understand that this is yet
another reason your mother tells you to wear
underwear. I'm of course fucked because I have no
quick way of caging said penis but somehow, out of
nowhere, pulled the jedi move of all time throwing my
phone in the air to my left hand putting my member in
my pants at the same time in literally a nanosecond.
The people walking towards me had to have seen
it, but I just kept on runnin'. If anyone of
those guys had a blog I'm sure there's a mention of
the "craziest thing I've ever seen crossing a street"
floating around the net. :-)
6) You guys catch
The Daily Show in Columbus? Welcome to the most
surreal 4 shows I may have ever watched. I was in
Columbus for the first one and it was like the
Twilight Zone. One of my favorite shows, just chillin'
in my home town. Each show I just couldn't believe
what I was seeing half the time. I've been a
Buckeye my whole life and it's obviously like second
nature to me - but to see it spotlighted so
prominently is crazy. It's cool though - for those who
don't know - Columbus is THE test market for
almost everything. Any restaurant hoping to franchise
across the country always starts the second one in
Columbus because it's a great test market for how
it'll go across the country. A very even balance of
big city, and small town wrapped into one. But again,
how surreal...
7) Of course The
Daily Show was in Columbus because of the mid-term
elections which are today and you probably know how
I feel. My absolute biggest hope in all of this
is that there is an investigation into the Bush
Administration's actions to get us into war. If that
means we need the majority of the house and senate be
democrat? So be it. They're all fuckin' politicians,
but I really do feel that for the good of the country,
we all need to understand what this administration has
done. I absolutely feel there were several high
crimes and misdemeanors leading to that war and the
only way to prove me right or wrong is to have an
independent investigation. So I will absolutely be
hoping for the Democrats to get control. From what I'm
reading however, there's all sorts of voter scare
tactics, intimidation and fucked up voting machines. I
have a feeling that will make it a split house and
senate by night's end. Or even worse - weeks of
lawsuits. God help us all.
8) And
God help Faith Hill. I'm sorry honey, but
that was bad. That was
really bad. It's so bad
I almost entertain the notion
you were joking... but you weren't. If you
missed it (although in the coming days I'm
sure you'll see it a hundred times) last
night at the Country Music Awards when
they announced Carrie Underwood female
vocalist of the year, Faith
Hill lost her
shit.
What's even
stranger to me is how she raises her hands, it
would've been a strange motion had she actually won -
so I think she knew it wasn't her and was just
preparing to clap for one of the veterans and was
pissed the rookie won it. It was an upset for sure,
but wow. Just wow. What I wouldn't give to be
nominated for an award and lose so I could spoof
Faith Hill. Be on the lookout for the first person to
spoof her - they'll certainly call him/her a comic
genius whenever it happens. Easy career booster I'd
say...
9) I wanted to
give a bit of an update on two people I care about
deeply, Jess and Cass. Both are doing pretty well.
Cassi found a great place in Studio city that made her
commute a bit shorter and is very happy. You will
continue to see her on the boards without a doubt.
She's even been erasing bots for me from time to time.
We met for coffee a couple days ago and I just left
with the overwhelming feeling of relief. It all worked
out and she's now completely on her own, with an
awesome job at a production company and she's meeting
new people constantly. She is certainly flyng, and
can't wait to see where she lands. Jess did end up
breaking up with Gunner Greg and is seeing a new guy,
Jeff who's awesome. Donna and I went out with
them twice while we were in Columbus and it was great.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing Jess happy and
fulfilled and conversely, nothing breaks my heart more
than seeing her not reach her potential. And shit, how
cool does "Jess and Jeff" sound? Just please,
both of you, I need a promise. Please. Whatever
you do. Don't name all your kids with "J" names. For
the love of fuck. Please. It's so cute it makes me
want to vomit.
;-)
10) And finally of
course, CBS. I meet with the producer again tomorrow
to do a conference call with New York and to try and
work out the main scene with the props and stuff they
have on hand. Then on Friday I go back again to do all
4 Trinitrons...(sigh) Egos, with the make-up people so
we can get a feeling on how to do them. Then next week
we film the test shoot which will be a completely
made-up show with old contestants from the first
Living Room Live to give the executives an idea of
what we're doing. Of course the biggest concerns right
now for me is how I'll technically be editing all of
this, and I still haven't heard from business affairs
about any sort of salary. That part's been kickin' my
ass lately and I just pray something comes up soon.
That savings I've been living off of? Yeah, that's
gone. I would've had a job by September and then the
CBS thing came up - so I've held off. I'm now
getting antsy and that whole fairy tale month is
farrrrrr behind. LOL. Either way, I know what you
really care about and that's this: 2 cracks this week
at seeing Carter McSnazzyPants. Let's just say
I won't have my camera rolling.
