And of
course the most difficult woman in the world just
called me to have coffee. The fact that that just
happened during me writing this entry all but
assures we will soon be married with children. Poor
girl, doesn't she realize the power of The Journey
Gods!?!?
-Adam
Kontras, tempting the Gods, September 20th, 2006
The audacity and
sincere jest of that paragraph was obvious to all who
read it, but I'm certain a few of you thought:
"I can't believe he just wrote that". And why did you
have that reaction? Because you know this Journey
better than I do. You know damn well there is
magic within these pages which I guess is why
I even threw that out there. I knew that
I was writing, without a doubt, the biggest entry
that has ever been posted, and her timing at the end
was Journey-riffic. A week later we can no longer
pretend that my ridiculous assertion a week ago hasn't
now crossed our minds, hearts, souls and even words.
To avoid writing about it for fear of looking stupid
at some later date goes against everything I believe
in - and in all honesty would be an outright lie.
This has been my week so far in New York,
CBS has been the secondary story, and The
Journey needs to reflect that.
Show of hands who
knew that the second I mentioned a woman was
difficult you rolled your eyes and took
bets.
I
loved being difficult.
And with that,
Donna marks her territory in much the same way she
marked me that Tuesday night. Being
difficult.
And it was just so
damn easy too...
Let me also say,
as I said in that entry... I was in
NO mood for any shit. For fuck's sake
I just wanted to sit and drink coffee with
someone and celebrate the fact I was on
TV the next day. Instead I get the wall of
Jericho (heh, we know how that ended) when
I asked ANYTHING about her life. And whhhhhyyyyyy
was she so certain not to tell me
anything?
...oh I don't
know, you've got a website showing
EVERYTHING?
I swear to Shizzle
this site has become such a monstrosity that it's
impossible to actually get to know anyone without it
being the #1 obstacle.
You sent me the
link for God's sake which first of all impressed me
(the central park video stood out), but then it just
intimidated the crap out of me. And I thought you
really expected me to read the whole fuckin thing and
I'm thinking "How am I gonna study this boy and then
meet him 2 days later". So I read a couple of
entries, then gave up and figured I'd meet him in
person.
Where I made
the biggest mistake of our 1 second
relationship.
That fucking suit.
Honestly my first impression was let me run the fuck
out of here.
Let it be noted,
that Donna has a South African accent (between you and
me it's british, but if I say that I'll get
stabbed with her pen again) and for some reason when
she says "fuck" it's cute. But yes, I was
wearing a suit because I thought it was fun to
play the part of "important person" when you're
getting flown to New York to be on National
television. Had I only known my pajama top, army
jacket and black cap...
...would've been
sexier.
I can't help but
smile that somehow my pajama top shirt that has a hole
in it, my pants that have a hole in them, the black
cap that has been sewn to my head since I was 15
and my beat up black shoes would've been more of a
turn-on than a stylin' suit and hair gel.
You know it
baby.
Of course that
night she took one look at me, sighed, proceeded to
immediately take off her nice shoes and throw on
flip-flops because she knew this was going
nowhere.
I just saw
this banker boy who was strutting around as if he
owned Manhattan....
I can
DO THAT?!?!?! WOW. I'm a better actor than
I thought.
...and
I thought there's about as much chance of him
getting me into that hotel room as me keeping those
high heels on further than one block. So the walls
came up as I watched him looking around at everything
but me.
Fuckin' hell.
FIRST of all - it was not my intention to get
anyone in that hotel but ME, 'cause there was NO way
I was losing a night's sleep the day before my
National Television debut. Smirk all you want, but
that wasn't happening. And the REASON I was looking
around at everyting but you was because I was
attracted to you and was embarrassed at gazing.
That wasn't strutting, that was a defense mechanism
dear. However we eventually sat and talked and
I got more comfortable and then... here she
comes...
Well you got more
comfortable, and I got more uncomfortable as you
just saw right through all my bullshit. I didn't want
to tell you a DAMN thing and I ended up telling
you pretty much my life story. You have that maddening
effect on me.
I was in a pretty
funny mood actually. Although it occured to me, "Hey,
3 weeks in NY, this could be fun..." all I could
really give 2 shits about was CBS and instead of
playing along with your constant contradictions
I just pointed them out and watched you
squirm.
Ha. Ha.
Ha.
I finally got to a
point where I was ready to leave. I made it
very clear that I could not spend time with
someone and be superficial. I had 3 weeks in my
favorite city in the world, and as cute as you were I
wasn't gonna sit and talk about the
weather.
You said 3 weeks
and I was thinking: "He doesn't even have 3
hours".
LOL - so why the
hell did you talk to ME for 6 friggin'
hours?
Well I had to
prove that I was A) right, B) smarter than you
and C) right again.
Steeeeeeeeerike 3!
You're Out! Oh wait, do they have baseball in South
Africa?!?!
Go fuck your
mother.
I can't write that
Donna. But the way you say it just makes me laugh. But
really do they play baseball in South
Africa?
No.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Sorry.
We're
cultured.
Right. How do you
cure AIDS in South Africa again?
(laughing) Well,
our minister of health suggested 2 tablespoons of
olive oil every morning...
(She's not kidding
folks)
...because she
thinks that HIV does not cause AIDS. But that
doesn't go for all South Africans.
Only the dead ones
apparently. What the fuck huh? Anyway we didn't quite
hit it off and I was fairly certain I wouldn't
hear from her again. However I will say this:
when she fucked up and let down her guard? Fascinated.
When she slipped up and told me about her life?
Enamored. I couldn't help but be a bit sad that there
was someone so incredible sitting in front of me, with
a wonderful opportunity in front of her, yet she was
dead set on being in her own head. But, as you all
know (ahem, the "alaurs") I've been down that road,
and you just cannot make someone change.
The irony is that
I did see exactly what was in front of me but
because I wasn't used to someone pointing out
exactly where my bullshit lay, I was afraid to show
it. Let's be honest, someone looking right through you
seeing what you've been desperately hiding for 28
years is pretty fuckin' intimidating and yet
incredibly exciting.
I will admit that
when I said goodnight and went up to my room it
was really a perfect scenario for me.
I knew I wasn't gonna play a game of
cat and mouse again and if this woman really saw
potential to change her way of thinking - she could
always contact me.
You left me
saying: "Call me..." but then gave me this funny
look that said: "You're not gonna call me". And all
I wanted to say was "Of course I'm gonna call
you..."
Knowing you the
short time I did, I really thought you would
wake up the next morning, get scared of all that being
with me, even as friends, would mean (dealing with all
your bullshit) and runnnnnnnn. I was pleasantly
surprised when you called the next day... and went for
coffee with you (this time in my normal clothes,
STILL having no idea the suit bothered you so
much)...
(I was like
"Where was this guy last night?")
...heh, I met you
assuming that you calling meant you were ready to just
let go of all your bullshit and just get to know each
other...
(snicker) That's
what you get for assuming. I made a ground rule saying
that if I have to let down my walls, then you can
NEVER write ANYTHING about me EVER.
Let me put this
another way: "Yes Adam, I will allow you to show
me how wonderful life can be as long as you make
certain to not enjoy any part of it. Fair enough?"
Needless to say, I just giggled at her. I had no
problem respecting her privacy, but I knew it was
soooooooo much deeper than that. It's not that I'm
addicted to writing everything - believe it or not
there's several things that aren't on the site
- but falling in love? Yeah, that kinda lends itself
to a song or two. Or I don't know... LETTERS?
Words? Sentences? Maybe I just knew even then
that you were going to fall madly in love with me and
that there was no way I couldn't write about
THAT.
Well maybe you're
just too smart for your own good. I had no idea.
Absolutely no idea. All I saw was my fear and all
you saw were my possibilities.
So we kinda just
let it go. Just got to know each other and over the
next several days proceeded to talk more than
I have ever spoken with a human being EVER. No
exagerration.
Yes the waitresses
at every place we went to just stood over us waiting
for us to leave.
No shit. Coffee? 3
hours. Dinner? 5 hours. Subway ride all across the
city? No problem!!! More time to talk. OOOh and
I bought you your very first brownie
AND LATTE!!
Now I'm an
American.
A highly energetic
American. We didn't stop talking until 4 AM. And that
soon became the norm. I honestly believe we talked a
minimum of 14 hours a day? I've just never been so
fascinated with someone in my entire life - and you
just got me. I didn't have to force
anything. I was me, it clicked with something
inside you, and I watched someone literally
transform.
It was such an
easy transformation. I feel like I can just be myself
with you because you really respond to me as I am and
not as I had censored myself to be.
I just
respond. I just react. It is as effortless as
anything I've ever experienced. It is as natural and
simple as I've ever known something to be. I feel
appreciated on every level and with everything else
that has gone on this week, can any of you reading
even comprehend all of this? Heh. My favorite city in
the world, days spent running from place to place and
connecting with an amazing person. The promise of the
CBS pitch... I've just never known a happier
time.
Fighting huge
fear, going against everything I've believed for 28
years, having it pointed out that I'm full of shit and
that I'm stubborn and wrong and not the smartest
person alive - yes, yes, HAPPY HAPPY times :)
!!!!!! But being allowed to discover myself with
someone is WONDERFUL and then to cuddle into that
someone's arms and have him love me even though I gave
him LOADS of shit - well, I feel like the luckiest
person alive.
I know the
feeling. What will happen next?
Adam &
Donna
PS -
The
video
will probably explain the title...and if
you're a Frank Zappa fan you'll think I'm
a genius. :-) I made a
transcript
as the echo in that stairwell makes it
difficult to hear. Oh and I assure
you that I'm fascinated with more of her
than her accent, but you'll have to leave
that to your imagination.
