(you can always click this picture for the video, or wait until the link within the entry so it makes sense)
YouTube link added 02.22.09
9:32 AM, Saturday, August 12th, 2006:

Palaur: im not as strong as you think i am

B610WTVN: THAT is all the strength you need
B610WTVN: you know exactly when you write something that is untrue
Palaur: whats that suppose to mean
B610WTVN: meaning you KNOW thats wrong
B610WTVN: you ARE strong..you've just been with someone who makes you feel like shit
B610WTVN: you are dead...you are not living
B610WTVN: you should never have to go through this shit
Palaur: think about how better off lives would be if i wasn't involved
Palaur: pat could do what he wanted, you could focus on your career and dreams..
B610WTVN: get off line
B610WTVN: now
Palaur: no
B610WTVN: im calling
B610WTVN: DAMNIT LAURA...you are scaring me
Palaur: i won't talk, i;ll just cry
B610WTVN: you need to hear my voice
Palaur: it won't be worth your time
B610WTVN: you dont have to say a word
B610WTVN: now
Palaur: why doesn't he love me
B610WTVN: sign off
B610WTVN: please 


Absolutely never intended to be shared with anyone. Palaur blows me away each time I read it.
Strangely enough, I remember vividly the night at Tee Jaye's after a 4tvs show in 1999 when I told Jess and Moose my idea:
"I have all these entries and instant messages from the whole Palaur incident as well as all these songs, videos, clips from the late show - and I want to put them up in REAL TIME on my web-site. So everyone has to literally wait until the following day to see what happens next."
What I didn't realize was that it was really "The Journey" that I was describing. Palaur became the foundation for how I would chronicle my entire life. Instead of focusing on one tiny story, I forced myself to have the discipline to continue to write songs "for the moment", continue to create to keep the story going and more than anything be passionate about every second of my life. What I couldn't show Laura, I was able to weave into my own everyday existence...
...but Palaur absolutely bitch-slaps The Journey in terms of voyeurism. The instant messages within those 50 entries just rip through you at times. This isn't make-believe, it's two people's only means of communication for so much of the story and there's just no bias there. It puts you smack dab in the middle of these people's lives and goddamn it gets addicting half-way through. I was floooooooored re-reading it. You really do forget how the hell it ends! I mean you know we're not together, but good GOLLY at times you just sit there and think: HOW?!?! Nearly a decade later I was completely entranced again and couldn't stop clicking "Next" at the bottom of each entry to see what would happen next. And just when you think it's finally coming to an end one of the last entries knocks you on your ASS. And every word of it true. I absolutely love the experience that is Palaur.
The way I put the site together back in 2000 however was hideous. Back then, the VAST majority of the world was on dial-up and Palaur was simply too far ahead of it's time. In order to make people actually download the videos and songs within the entries I would put the next entries zipped inside the downloads. Good idea actually but it meant people had to know how to zip and unzip things, had to have extra programs...ugh. It was a jumbled mess and I'd venture to say less than 20 people in the world have ever actually been through it because of that. No longer:
Simple, concise, if not a little whimsical of a layout considering how dramatic the story is. But for the first time it's incredibly easy to navigate. If you want to skip ahead and not listen to any of the songs or videos...so be it. You do however miss the entire point of the site, but it's your free will. ;-) I do warn you though, NONE of the videos stand alone without the entries (although this one is cute) and the songs are only magical when you understand how/when/why I wrote them. So take a look.
This is by the way, the perfect "at work" reading. Many of you have jobs where you surf the net all day while you're in between other work tasks...this absolutely rocks for that. I guarantee that if you get to February in the story (Entry 12) you will be completely hooked. UkAmber from the boards (who actually helped me bug test it back in 2000) reread the entire thing again in ONE DAY on Thursday. It's not just me who finds it addicting.
For those of you who already went through it and commented on it, I actually took the time to make message board threads for every entry, song, video and late show clip on the entire site ANNNNND transferred all your comments (one-by-one) over to the new threads. Whew. Palaur is a bit different than "The Journey" when it comes to community interraction after the entries. You start to feel like a pack of friends going through it and you end up looking forward to what "so-and-so" is thinking after each entry. It begets more responses than usual...
So why now? Isn't there something more productive you could be working on ADAM!!?!? Listen assholes, the new cartoon is coming - I have to see how the Israel/Lebanon conflict plays out as it effects everything. We're in Day 1 of the cease-fire so we just might get out of this thing without World War 3 breaking out. Although don't tell Bush that he already said we're in WW3 in May (here's a screen capture in case the story is taken down) That...and honestly, I started reading Palaur again and was completely sucker punched at how gripping the scenarios were. It really does stand the test of time. Oh and I contacted Laura for the first time in over 6 years.
Absolutely nothing to read into that as it was awkward and strangely combative but it lead to me re-opening those old pages on the site and being frustrated at how complicated it all was. The site has actually been up non-stop since 2000, but some ass clown stole palaur.com from me. I mean what the fuck dude? I never got the email when it was running out. Whatever, it makes very little difference but he's just name-sitting and that always pisses me off. I googled the name to see if anyone else would want it and check this out:
PALAUR is an association of working artists rooted in the heart of Jutland.
PALAUR is a collaboration between artists across borders and limets since 1986
PALAUR is expressive language of form in paintings and scultures.
PALAUR must be a constant focus of exchange of artistic views.
PALAURs manifesto is: nothing is sacred. To members of the group, any sign of life is a potential picture: human beings and human behaviour, landscape and the world of nature, objects close to hand, fairytales and myths. No restrictions are to be imposed on artistic expression, but the society provides the right conditions for mutual inspiration.
PALAUR arranges art exhibitions, where resempbances and differences meets in the discussion and palaver about and with the visual expression.
PALAUR is a long row of exhibitions in Denmark and abroad.
Some crazy ramblings on a site from Denmark. Weird huh?
So my rambling is over. Really try and check out the site. Even guys get into it - remember all those wrestling fans in 2002? LOL. It really poses the question to men and women of just how far would you go for love...
PS - and also - please click the feedback buttons at the bottom of each entry in Palaur. It's actually more important than even say the one at the bottom of THIS page that no one ever hits - :-). Almost every single one has what other readers think at that point in the story and it really adds to the whole community aspect of it when you throw your 2 cents in after each entry. One sentence is more than enough...