10:35 PM, Thursday, May 22nd, 2008:

 

Why there'll never be a sequel to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:

 

"Donna moved out on Saturday."

 

Who knew? Uhm, everyone did Adam...including you.

 

Uggggggh. I have nothing but anger to spew about this situation at the moment as I guess one locked entry wasn't enough. This wasn't my choice, but the door isn't opening back up so I guess the ends justify the means. Meaning, it's the right decision no matter how back asswards the execution or the feelings trampled in the process. She's staying with Tyson & Michelle as she tries to pull off staying in LA and if that doesn't work out she'll go back to South Africa. She now seems quite determined to get a job, go to therapy and work through "the book" so... well, that's great for her. Ha. It just oozes out folks. My fingers are trying desperately to stick to the facts but this slimey stench of sarcasm just can't help but invade the keystrokes.

 

But as I said before you can't argue much with the result and now she's safe. My anger will subside and I'll move on with life as I always do, but make no mistake... I'm angry. If you read the specifics you would be too, but there's just no reason to make them public. There's enough out there already and I have a feeling the infamous "HGTV" entry will be unlocked in time for the premiere of the episode on June 21st. You guys have no idea. LOL.

 

Oh, quick aside... I'm re-enacting my role doin' administrative stuff at the chiropractor's office ala 2003 except this time at a marketing/branding company focusing a bit more on web and design stuff. What an "Adam" way of saying I got a job. Heh. I did one day last week to get acclimated and will start officially on the 2nd. Remo's daughter works there and he's been trying to get me in touch with them for awhile. So of course, thanks to them both - and if it wasn't for all the other drama this would be a funny Journey God entry but yeah, just not feeling it right now...

 

...dahhhhhhh. Head still spinning a bit? Or is that just mine? I'm trying to think of this from the reader's perspective knowing you can't read the last entry and it's maddening. Let me try to shed more light. Things were going swimmingly. The woman I picked up from the temple was most definitely Donna, and my initial fears of a shaved-headed glazed-eyed cult member dissipated within minutes. She seemed as grounded as I had ever known her and through her meditation and communication for just a moment I believed again. But I reserved judgement, didn't want to talk to anyone about it - because I knew damn well the chances of us getting through the month were 1 in 20. Those are actual odds by the way from the months we've spent together. Heh.

 

Then, in an instant, it disappeared. A molehill was a PLANET and although she caught it the first couple times it lead to a meltdown that no amount of rationale could've avoided. That's the thing that a guy like me just has to accept: rationale can hit a home run, irrationale can change the sport. <--- so funny, so true. As she packed up her stuff and refused to talk (kryptonite to irrationale) I knew I had done everything possible to avoid this - but again, you just can't. And as it always is (just reread 701) the argument in question is so transparent and inane it almost felt scripted. So I just watched her run...then watched my neurosis take over. I know this process and the worst thing I can do is try to avoid it. Had a good weep-fest a couple nights ago as I laid in an empty bed and it was interrupted by my genuine amazement at that tightness in your chest when you're really heartbroken. That's just the coolest shit ever. I mean, of course it isn't, but it's something some people may never feel in their entire lives and you can't fake it. Unfortunately I've felt it numerous times and the pattern is so boring now I'm friggin' analyzing the sensation of it. That really is pathetic when you think about it. Anyway, feelin' the anger pretty hardcore today and it's opening the door to a legitimate relief. I can finally take stock and put perspective on this and I'm sure in the coming weeks/months I'll have more to add...

 

...or, ya know what? I may not. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of what this Journey has become. This wasn't intended to be some melodrama (as laughable as new readers might find that). Jess was understandable, it was legitimate... but in all honesty? This just wasn't. It went on ten times too long because I wanted so badly to be a "good husband" and give my all. I wouldn't quit on her. She could throw the kitchen sink at me and I would replace it and give her the benefit of the doubt on why she threw it. Over and over. And she leaves me. LOL. Reeeeaaaallly.

 

Goodnight everyone.

Adam