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And how
can you not be a little shaken at just where
you stand a year later. Even more
spectacular? It went up from here.
What's about to happen to me 3 weeks later
blows the lid off everything. And you could
literally, feel it, on this day one
year ago. It's heartbreaking. Such a
huge part of me wants to hide from
this. I'm writing this from INSIDE the
eggshell. And although I can never truly
admit it to my heart, my mind knows damn well
this could be a pinnacle of my career
I never reach again.
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-
- Scary isn't it?
Now if I truly believed that, I could never
continue. There'd be no Young & The Restless bit,
Up & Adam bit, Aunt Jemima bit - those are
only possible with "hope". But I'm not stupid. I
understand the events that lead to that moment a year
ago, and I understand how little control
I had over them.
-
- Once
I was in? Well, it was all me
- I pushed the limits as far as I
could. I had the courage and leadership to
make things happen, but getting in can be
a once in a lifetime thing. And whether
I believed it or not at the time -
that's why you take pictures. Heh. That's
why you save things as goofy as
CBS parking passes and the showcase
showdown cards Bob read from because you
just "neva kno". Oh and to the "schemers"
out there, this is what they
give you after you're OK'd
on the lot. Printing this up and
photoshoping dates ain't gettin' you in.
Sorry. :-)
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-
 - CLICK ME,
SCROLL ME, LOVE ME BECAUSE I'M 3
TIMES BIGGER THAN YOU SEE HERE.
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Strangely,
I'm not really depressed about this landmark.
Interesting. And I don't think it's
delusional either. The thing is, you can't
take this away from me. Ever. You can't take
the day away, the pictures away, the trinkets
away, the memories away - and most
importantly the finished bit. And in my heart
of hearts, I know that although a year later
it hasn't lead to anything - this doesn't
expire. It's cemented in time and will always
be impressive. It has a role somewhere
in this real-time book that I'm writing, I
just don't know it right now.
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-
- Faith is fuggin'
crazy isn't it? LOL. I'm just laughing at what I'm
writing right now. I think I'm just amazed I actually
HAVE faith after all of this. It's
extraordinary that after this Journey I haven't given
it up. You know? I'm just now getting a grasp on why
people even continue to follow this...
-
- ...it's
'cause I don't stop. You could stop
reading for 2 years, come back - and know
that you're gonna see something
cool/creative/unique. Nothing seems to
really phase me. Well, I take that back -
I'm phased by a change in temperature, but
it never truly interrupts my core. Weird
huh? Man this is an eye-opening entry for
me. I mean, looooook at all of this
shit... I just keep on creatin'.
More and more and more and
more.
-
- I mean
look at this month. It's still filled with
that... god what is it, what's the word...
hunger? Fight? Man, I can't put my finger
on it but it's the intangible quality that
makes this thing fun to read. It's the
same thing I had at 18 when I was cutting
up my Billy Joel tape covers to make my
own cover. This unabashed creativity that
strives and fights without stopping. And I
just love the color/design change
every year because everything feels new
again. It's what drives me nuts about
other blogs. That ugly-ass layout that
never attaches itself to the side of your
brain that has an emotional connection
with color/sound/video/pictures - it's so
powerful.
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 - I too
am big and yearning for your
click...
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-
- Then again, the
entire blogging world disagrees with me - but they're
much more "in the moment" as I'm trying to put
together something that will resonate years from now.
I still think they'd be well seved to have add a bit
more "form" to their function.
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Anyway,
this was a huge moment a year ago today. It
takes a great deal of "vision" to not look
depressingly on what did or didn't happen as
a result of that, but I do have that
vision... somewhere. Heh. But hey, it's a
great lesson to everyone reading just how up
& down this industry really is. I mean,
it's unbelieveable. It takes so much more
than talent, perseverence and as I've found
out in the last year - even more than
content.
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-
- And
that's really what this taught me. A year
ago I would've said without question that
CBS would lose their minds when they saw
this finished bit. And had you told me the
second season of Living Room Live was
all done with The Egos out of their
TVs...
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- ...I would've
been certain 100% that of course it would
lead to more. And I couldn't have been
more wrong. Ha! You can do everything
right, better than right, and if you don't
have the right people behind you at the
right time? Nada. Scary ain't
it?
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-
- But what a great
day. I'm glad I have the memories and all these pics
and videos and trinkets. It's something that I
guarantee people with careers far beyond mine would
die to have. I mean who has ever shot a
short-film
on the Barker set of The Price is Right? God that
rocks...
-
- ...and it
will lead to something. Ya gotta believe.
Spencer believes...
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