One of those
entries where you just have to lay out all the events
in order. Locked like a mofo.
So we got the
deal-memo from Weller/Grossman two weeks ago and
beyond minor concerns was a complete lack of a budget,
which left my agent and the attorney at Paradigm
confused. However vacations made it take 2 weeks to
even get to that point. Ugh. But finally, notes in
hand from the attorney, my agent called
Weller/Grossman on Friday. No answer.
I don't mean it
went to voicemail, I mean it rang and rang and rang.
When she told me this, I thought it was strange, but
knew it would be dealt with on Monday. She called
again Monday... again, no answer - it kept ringing.
She emailed Gary at noon on Monday, cc'd me. I
forwarded that to Rob and Deb asking if everything was
alright.
No
reply.
Needless to say,
I did not sleep well Monday evening. I had some
concerns about Weller/Grossman before this and let
them all slide. No longer. Where do I
start?
-They couldn't
validate my parking. May seem like a small thing,
but when you're "wooing" a client, and trying to
start a business relationship with them, it should
never cost them anything to meet with you. Period.
They told me to park on the street, but since it
was one-hour parking that meant constantly watching
the time to see if I had to run down and put in
another quarter. That day however, they said they
wanted to introduce me to Comedy Central and of
course the whole Paul McCartney angle,
Entry
#879, so
as you can imagine - I thought little of
it.
-Then, 2 weeks
passed and they never made the call to Comedy
Central to meet. !?!? I had to bug them about it
and then when they tried to do it, it became a
cluster-fuck because I was leaving for
Europe/Africa on the 30th of May. It all worked
out, but it didn't sit too well with me. I hate the
feeling of: "Jesus, if I didn't constantly
motivate, would ANYTHING happen?". As well, I had
to convince them to meet me again before Comedy
Central to go over the pitch so we were on the same
page. It felt like pulling teeth.
-This time when
I met them? They had moved to a different
floor, and an office not even 1/4 the size.
Crammed, with shit everywhere. Again, I tried to
ignore it... but only a wildly naive person
wouldn't have concerns.
-Late for the
Comedy Central meeting. Are you fucking serious.
Again, it all worked out... but that almost
made me mental.
-Did absolutely
nothing while I was away, even though I was in
email contact and wrote to them. I had to prod them
for the contract when I got back... and even then -
it was incomplete. Actually, that brings us to
present-day, 'cause apparently it wasn't that
incomplete. This is so fuggin' bizarre.
So finally this
morning I call Deb's home number. I tell her what's
going on and she is noticeably careful in choosing her
words. She said that as far as she knew they had sent
the agent the contract. I explained that we're well
past that, I was concerned on why no one is answering
the phones. She assured me the lack of response wasn't
personal and my story wasn't bizarre to her.
I asked if the business was still "running" and
she said: "as far as I know day-to-day
operations are still going on, but the office manager
is in and out". Whew. This is not, fucking,
good.
I call Rob?
Voicemail. Call Gary - finally an answer. He says he
was just talking about me. He says Rob and he will
call back together. They do, and I ask them what's
goin' on - Gary says they sent the contract and have
never heard back.
...
I mention the
calls on Friday and Monday and Gary says "we have been
having problems." ... yet you passed the buck just 5
seconds ago? And what about the emails? Those down
too? What the fuck? Gary ends up leaving for some
reason and Rob says they'll call my agent this
afternoon. I mention that it's nothin' huge just some
concern about the budget. He says, point blank: "There
is no budget. Comedy Central is only providing the
space."
...
"I'm supposed to
pay for my own make-up guy?" "Well none of us wants to
come out of pocket, but I wasn't aware you'd need a
make-up guy, maybe we can go back to Comedy Central
and ask for money."
...
I gotta be honest.
I was floooooooooored. Now realize I had been looking
at the contract for 2 weeks and talking with Laura,
Alisa and I read it very literally - and it was a big
ass list of exactly what they weren't providing. No
expenses, no salaries... just no budget. But she and
Alisa were sure that there had to be a budget, they're
a production company. I finally resigned myself to the
fact they had to be right, 'cause again - what else
would they be doing if not providing some financial
backing? But Rob was adament, nothing. And
ex-fuckin-scuse me for a second, didn't know I'd need
a make-up guy? !?!? That never occured to 'em?
Seriously what did they think I was going to do on
this show? Walk out, tell a few jokes, and then play
the Price is Right bit from CBS? And no, no, no don't
go back to Comedy Central 2 months later and ask for
more. How ghetto does THAT look?
Astonishing.
So we end the
conversation with him saying they'll call Alisa
tonight, and I stopped him by saying: "I'll foreshadow
that call for you: Where's the budget?". I tried to be
joking when I said it, but that is certainly an
impasse for me signing.
It quickly becomes
clear that I'm gonna be funding this puppy. Maybe I'll
get re-imbursed later, but no matter what - I'm doing
this thing. It was actually a freeing moment. No more
waiting around, I get to start finding locations,
arranging shit with Tyson and I now know that because
of his schedule (he starts a series on the 20th) I'm
gonna have to have the entire thing written and done
by that point. Gulp. It's a quick turnaround, but I'm
more than ready to knock this out. I was energized and
excited... then Alisa called me - the call turned
ugly.
How could it not?
She had to be blunt. They're asking for an
ENORMOUS amount in the contract from me (50% of
everything creatively as well as giving them full
control of the product in terms of pitching, etc.) and
giving me nothing. And I do mean nothing. Nothing
creatively, nothing financially, they can't even give
me experience in the comedy world. Gary was defensive
of course because they made the deal, and while that's
true, in the end it is just a phone call to a friend.
They have to be able to bring more to the table
than one introduction if they want to be attached to
everything I do from this point on.
Alisa said point
blank - she didn't know what more could be done. They
made it clear there was absolutely no budget and if I
wanted to produce something more, I would have to
cover that. It's just such a shitty position. I don't
want to hurt my chances with Comedy Central, Jim and
Gary are friends, but how can I sign that contract? I
have no way of getting to Jim and getting a sense of
where I stand (which is really Weller/Grossman's
biggest card right now, their relationship with Comedy
Central), so it's the definition of a rock and a hard
place.
Laura, Alisa &
I sat around talking and Alisa thought of Josh
Lieberman at 3 Arts Entertainment. She said they have
a great relationship, this was absolutely his world,
and he would know the next steps to take. It's the one
thing I love about Alisa - when she's out of her
league, she says it within seconds. Not to belabor the
Charlotte comparisons, but thst sort of self-awareness
is so unbelieveably necessary. Anyway, he's gonna see
me tomorrow and my hope is that he has some sort of
access to Jim and can help me get a read. I don't want
to circumvent Weller/Grossman, but I'm not seeing a
lot of options. It looks like I'm gonna have to pay
for every dime of this production, and if I do? I just
want to know that Comedy Central will still let me use
their space to shoot it. Otherwise? I'm gonna have to
pay for everything - AND sign with Weller/Grossman
just for the opportunity. Goddamn that's about as
un-fucking fair as you can get.
Could
it get more bizarre? And seriously
Weller/Grossman - no budget? Actually
acting surprised that I would even ask for
one? And why is no one answering your
phones? Biz-R.
It
reminded me of the strangest job
experience ever from last year where
I was hired and fired before I even
walked in the door. It lead to this song
back then and it's uncanny how well it
fits in here.
So please keep
your fingers crossed for me... wait, no one will read
this until WELL after the fact 'cause of it being
locked. Damnit. I need lotsa crossed fingers man. But
actually, I feel pretty confident. I was in that
room, I remember how positive Jim was... if he
hears this at some point from my perspective, he'll
have to see my position. I'm gonna make this thing
myself...
