Entry #18
2:44 PM, February 11th, 2000
For those of you whose curiosity led you to the "Recordings" part of 4tvs.com, you probably wondered what the hell "Palaur" is. This recording has been in the works for over 2 years and will be released in a way that no other artist has ever released material.
For nearly 2 years I struggled with how to "rid myself" of this part of my life. For many songwriters, "ridding" yourself is simply recording your feelings. When you cannot, it's difficult to move past them. Music has definitely become that for me. Once I finish a song, I can put the subject matter behind me and undertake another challenge. Palaur has always been different though.
For 9 1/2 weeks in early 1998, I went through the most emotionally draining roller coaster of my whole life. After having just gone through an incredibly depressing divorce just 5 months previous, I became engulfed in a situation that took my entire being and destroyed it. Women can certainly do that to you. My "follow your heart" mantra for life cost me my sanity, my job, nearly my career and almost my life. I am not being overdramatic here. Knowing I had 30 hours until I could see this person again, I took quite a few sleeping pills so I wouldn't have to be awake without her. At one point I must've stared at the bottle for 10 minutes, wondering "what if". I have never told anyone of these days. They changed my life forever.
What makes all of this so unique, was the way this period was documented. The diary I kept was detailed to each waking moment so vividly, it is difficult for me to reread them. Included in the diary are nearly 30 different Instant Message conversations between us that were simply cut and pasted from the computer to the journal with absolutely no editing. Our situation was such that we had to rely on this as our only form of communication sometimes. Imagine a scripted story, unscripted. Hearing exactly what each person felt and said, unbiased. Unlike letters which are one-sided, Instant Messages provide a dialogue in real-time. Why I had the wherewithall to save these is beyond me. Maybe I knew this day would come.
As well as the written accounts through the journal, IM's and E-Mails, there was the music that was written that was some of the most passionate songwriting I have ever accomplished. Not only audio of this music, but video of me singing and creating it. Add to that actual video of us, pictures, and even audio of my talk show that she was on many times...you have an amazing collection of multimedia that adds to an incredible true story. A story I could never have gotten across through simply a CD, a book, even a movie...it requires a medium that allows the audience to interract with it, and use all of their senses on THEIR time. You can listen, watch, and read at YOUR pace. That my friends, is the internet.
Starting May 1st, 2000 I will introduce Palaur.com. I hope I can pave the way for other artists to release material in this manner. Sure video clips, and mp3's are nothing new...but to incorporate them into a story that you have to follow, well that's exciting. And that's how this will work. You won't be able to just download all the goodies and read the journal if you'd LIKE. The pictures, video clips, and mp3's are linked within the journal, so you have to find them as the story unfolds. Once you've gone through EVERYTHING, there will be a final page that allows you to access all the multimedia available on one page. You will not be able to skip ahead here either. It will hopefully be an experience that takes some time. And my favorite of all the goodies on this site is at the bottom of each entry: "Send Reaction" & "Read Reaction". Everyone will be able to click on a button, jot down some feelings about that entry and move on. In time the reaction pages will be much more intriguing than the story itself. This is what I will really make this site special. I've always been a fan of having the audience interract as much as possible.
It does of course raise the question of how I will monetarily support this. It's about 10 times the work of putting a CD together and there's nothing tangible to sell. Well right now i'm looing into a way to charge maybe $3 or $4 for access. I figure with over 30 minutes of video, 12 new songs and all the other goodies, that that's a fair price. I know everyone's insecure about credit cards on the net, but I'm at a loss for any other way. I guess I could have you actually MAIL me a check for a password. How WEAK is that though? Any suggestions for solving this problem will be highly appreciated.
So now you understnad why it's been 6 WHOLE days since my last entry. Y'all thought I was DEAD or something.

Honestly, I hadn't the slightest idea what the hell to give you guys for a video, so I was waitin' for something cool. And something definitely came up. Heh heh. My video compression program only allows me to make 1 minute MPGs because it's for email. For Palaur.com, I'm gonna need it to be a little bit longer. So I've been trying to compress old footage through different programs to see what I can do, and I turned myself into Maxx Headroom. It was pretty cool. The audio doesn't sound like Headroom, but the video is perfectly DEAD-ON. That or it's a killer Katharine Hepburn impersonation...you decide. This is a little clip from "Ordinary Joe" now starring Adam Headroom. Hope you enjoy it. CLICK ME.

YouTube link added 02.13.09
As far as 4tvs are concerened, it's been a nother long week of driving and calling. At this point there's a million maybes, so hopefully next week some stuff will pop-up.
Oh, and please write back on your feelings about Palaur.com, I really am awaiting your reaction on this one...
Much love from us in la la land...
Jess & Adam
master video file never saved :-(