- 8:19 AM, Tuesday,
October 31st, 2023:
- Don't worry, this
won't be some melodramatic letter to a dead celebrity
from back in the day (that was kind of a cool idea
though...). Jesus, I just linked to a Journey entry
TWENTY-TWO YEARS ago. Matthew Perry was simply
dear to me. I appreciated his openness and
honesty so, so, so much.
- And of course I
wouldn't even make my own entry about
SHOOTING THE SUPER BOWL, but
I stop everything for this. Fuck my 100 entry
rule... some years need more.
- A couple things
before I get into this: to all the "comedians" I
blocked, you're just boring. It takes no skill to make
internet jokes about people dying. I could even
argue there's deeper routines that can work, but when
you've succumbed to puns and memes about drowning?
Zzzzzzz. It's cookie-cutter. You look weak and
insecure. Also, your inability to process trauma makes
you a bad comic. Good bye.
- I didn't know
Matthew (so I won't call him Matty - another annoying
pattern the last few days), I loved Friends like
everyone seemed to. He was certainly my favorite
character... but as you can imagine with all of my
public struggles the past quarter-century, his
openness about his struggles were honorable. I shudder
to think of my life if I had money 2000-2010. I
still believe the project of "The Journey" is what
kept me out of danger during those years, but
sometimes the pain was so acute, unlimited funds
would've been a disaster.
- With Matthew,
though, it was clear (to me anyway) that he never
truly beat it. His last year of interviews was
difficult to watch. The Friends reunion ripped me
apart as he was so clearly on pain pills. I know
his publicist mentioned dental work, but I wouldn't
have put it past him to GET dental work to GET the
pills or COVER the fact that he was taking them no
matter what. I don't know how anyone with that kind of
money/power ever truly escapes their demons. And
whether or not he had drugs in his system when he
drowned, there is a limit to what you can do to your
heart. He was up to 55 vicodin a day at one point...
it's herculean that he made it past
- ...but that to me
is the gift: he was so, so strong. Without his
strength we wouldn't know these details. He would've
died years ago. There'd be no book, there'd be no
interviews... the things that will indeed live
forever. We're attracted to him the same way we're
attracted to all of them: their art hit us. But the
legs of his life were his ability to keep giving
beyond the art. He used these last years to help so
many people. Just knowing that "someone like him"
couldn't figure it all out... almost seemed to help
other focus their energy differently. I see it
all the time with people struggling about ANYTHING. Oh
if I only had THIS, I'd be OK. Oh if I get THIS job,
I'll be fine. Just a few more bucks an hour my
problems will vanish. No they won't. Once you find the
core of your issue, you realize NONE of that
matters. Once you actually understand who you are...
you have a chance.
- And listen, the
last couple of months may indeed have been healthier
for Matthew. Not sure we'll ever know because for some
reason people around him always cover-up... but there
is a limit to your body when it comes to drugs and
alcohol. I think he was just tired. He doubled
the 27 club though... and that second half is what
made him immortal to me.
- Of course on a
personal note, telling this news to my kids was the
fucking worst. We had friends over when the news broke
and I texted them immediately in the same room to
just SHHHHHHHHHHH about all of it. Cameron and Vienna
watched every episode of Friends over COVID and
adore it. Like... they're doing the Ross & Monica
"Routine" for their talent show. They just clicked
with it. The sex stuff just went directly over their
heads and they just fell in love with those
characters. Of course watching the reunion with them
we did have some discussions about Matthew and
explained that he was sick. Once our friends left we
told them and it might be the first time I've seen
Vienna get super quiet and have something HIT her.
Cameron of course acts like a little adult and goes
immediately to the "facts of the case" and "Well,
sometimes this happens and..." which while adorable...
is just his complete inability to process mature
information. He's 9. As the days passed though they
kept bringing it up. Cam got a bit more somber, Vienna
did as well. We usually watch the Friends Thanksgiving
episodes in November and we all admitted that would be
tough. Just takes time of course...
- ...and of course
I'm writing this entry. In a year of limited space
I just threw all of that out the window, sat at a
piano and sang "the song" and felt bad that's how he's
going to be remembered. So I figured I'd do him a
solid and make a video where he talks specifically
about how he wanted to be remembered, within the music
because, sorry man it's impossible to separate the
- My goodness do
I have an ability to make literally any song sad.
It's why I don't like writing music anymore: my
voice doesn't seem to work any other way and I'm super
happy right now. <shrugs>
- Alright, it's
halloween. Expect a nice Halloween round-up tomorrow
and the final two New Zealand entries... and then just
MAYBE I can relax. What an unbelievable month.