- Entry
#2060
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- 8:45 AM - August
19th, 2020
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- Ya know what...
it's 2020. If there was ever a year for this to
resurface it would be 2020.
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- So 7 months ago
I wrote this:
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-
- Man, look at that
beautiful entry bar. Cannot believe I only got to use
that for 11 entries and then BOOM. UGH.
Anyway...
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- That was the entry
after Kobe's death and written in response to the
barrage of "he was a rapist" and the unwillingness for
some people to believe anyone is ever wrongly accused.
It's certainly not the norm, and I absolutely
believe you should listen closely and supportively to
every single woman who tells their
story...
-
- ...but women do
lie. And sometimes they do it for far less than
millions of dollars. Sometimes they're just embarassed
they wanted pre-marital sex. Sometimes they have
regrets. Sometimes they're angry and want to hurt
someone. It is rare... but it happens. Should be
the motto of The Journey really. I've lead a pretty
unicornish life.
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- All of what
I just wrote doesn't play into what happened last
week, because I was responding to this very
strange Facebook post:
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-
- Shafi and I went
to highschool together and he's a little wacky.
However, so am I. I have always maintained a
friendship with him online. Hadn't spoken for nearly
10 years, but I was always respectful because - he is
indeed kind of a powder keg. But the thing is? Our
whole class knew it. I don't know anyone that bullied
him... maybe I didn't see it... but I remember
everyone just using kid gloves with the dude because
he did crazy shit. I say this publicly
knowing there are over 200 people from my class that
could absolutely counter me if I was making this
up. It was a known-known. At our 15 year high-school
reunion he brought a duffel bag and just sat it at a
table. No one came near it. Uncomfortable
personality.
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- But he would text
me over FB and I'd always respond. He seemed like a
tortured, misunderstood soul...
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-
- That's the type of
interactions we'd have. Random shit, out of the
blue... no context. And I'd give the best virtual hug
I could and then just shake my head - hoping the
dude would find some peace.
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- So I see his post
about Obamacare which honestly? Looks like it was
written in 2011, you know? It was clear he was trying
to make this "point", but we're so PAST that "take" in
2020 it's just bizarre. And people started replying
accordingly. Because most of the people in this
country have been impacted by the ACA. I add my
two cents...
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-
- And yes,
considering what happens next... in hindsight... maybe
this was a little too snarky? I just honestly
hadn't heard this shit for a DECADE, you know? It's
like he was in a coma for 10 years, woke up and then
started talking politics from 2010. I never
thought twice about making a joke out of this. And
here we go...
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-
- So a lot to unpack
here... as I say in the linked entry, Collins
(and it sucks actual names are brought into this, but
it wasn't me) literally admitted to me at the end of
the school year that he never really believed his
girlfriend's story and was just defending her because
they were together. And quick aside here: this
happened before they were together. I've done some
stupid shit in my day, but this is a picture of me and
Collins from our highschool reunion in
2009:
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- Yeah, my skinny
ass did NOT make out with that
MOUNTAIN OF A MAN's girlfriend while
they were together. LMFAO. And again... there's us
hanging out 15 years after this incident. We were cool
at the end of our senior year, we were cool at the
reunion, I've had no contact since (he's not on
Facebook) but I can't imagine anything would be
different now almost 30 years later. My ex, Burgundie
did spend time with him around this time and said he
was cool, nice... there's just zero bad
blood.
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- So - I have
no idea where this is coming from. I guess I
understand that Shafi is upset because I made the
"Obamatown" joke? I was certainly belittling his
comment, but lest we forget? Here's that comment
again:
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-
- <throws hands
up> I mean, that's just BEGGING for some
shit. However, if it had been less than 10 goddamn
years since I had spoken to him... I may
have remembered he's a bit "off" and just let it go.
I remembered that we had been friendly on FB and
ribbed him. Wrong move. So I quote a piece from the
entry I'm sure he hasn't clicked and then I call
Burgundie and ask for some help. This was a big part
of the beginning of our relationship. She was even in
the hallway at the end of the school year when
I confronted Collins and he admitted he didn't
really believe the story.
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-
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- An aside to all
this, Shafi had been speaking with Burgundie the last
few days completely out of the blue. When I called she
was pretty freaked out and was actually hesitant to
get involved. But because she's fucking awesome, she
did. Let this be a testament to being honest with
everyone, being respectful to everyone and building
bonds that last a lifetime even if your marriage and
"labels" change.
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- For documentation
purposes, after 27 years, Burg did actually mix-up the
two events. The confrontation in the hallway was at
the end of the school year when I confronted
Colins and he admitted he knew that the story was
bullshit and we shook hands and were cool. The event
where I got my ass POUNDED was at the beginning
of the school year before Burg and I were together.
But again, 27 years, people. I only remember this
because I document shit like, well, a documentarian.
This was a SEMINAL MOMENT in my life and
I remember every specific. But it was nice that
she wrote that.
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- Now, she did
mention the girl's name and I have blacked that out.
I am still friends with this person on Facebook.
We went to lunch 10 years ago as I mention in the
entry from January and there was no mention of it.
I have never confronted her about this for a
couple reasons: first, it makes zero difference in my
life. I am literally making this a bigger deal
than it was and is. She is a nurse dealing with
REAL SHIT right now in 2020. This is all
stupid high school shit. I don't need an apology from
her. I was a little surprised she didn't say anything
at lunch 10 years ago... but the truth is? She's still
Catholic. She's probably STILL ASHAMED at what
happened. She probably STILL doesn't want people to
know that she had any type of pre-marital sex. That's
her right, man. Maybe if I was running for office
or this had ANY legs I would write her a
letter and ask her to please tell the truth. But her
truth may absolutely be: she felt pressured to do
something she later regretted. Now that pressure was
absolutely her own body. The fact that she even asked
me that question shows she was conflicted. And my
goodness, if I was ANY older than 17 and a woman
asked me that question I would stop immediately
because that's awful. But that's because I'm an old
man and anyone who would ask that question is very,
very young. I responded literally to her question
because I was 17 and wanted to have oral sex. We
were in a 69 position and I was returning the favor as
it happened. I was ready, to, go. I was
super excited and happy to be there. Her initial
concern about what I would think of her
vanished and we had fun. Silly, awkward,
completely normal teenage fun.
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- Those facts are
probably embarrassing as fuck to a practicing
Catholic. <throws hands up> And ya know what?
That's fine. Everyone chooses a path and that's the
path she chose. What on earth would be the point of
bringing that up to her now? Would I appreciate a note
from her apologizing? Of course. But it's no longer
organic and she had the opportunity 10 years ago and
didn't. Then again, maybe buying me lunch out-of-the
blue because I was in town (Chicago) was her way of
saying "yeah, I'm sorry." That's honestly how
I took it at the time. She couldn't really face
the specifics and felt the need to make a gesture.
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- Then again, here
we are 27 years later and the rumor persists and
accused=guilty. Kinda sucks. Anyway, to finish things
off:
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- I then
messaged Shafi directly...
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- "the past couple
of days" was referring to wild posts about if Marc
Zuckerberg was secretly homosexual? Just wild shit out
of nowhere. He's posted nothing but profile pictures
for NINE YEARS. He continued talking to Burgundie
and she said he owed me an apology to which he
replied:
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- "I didn't even
know you two were married Burgundie. However, whatever
happened still bothers Collins and I really wasn't
there. But Collins and I, don't lie to each other.
Adam has a way of making degrading comments on
people's posts. He practices epicaricacy and he
practiced it with the wrong person today. It's not
anything against you. So, I hope you understand. I
just can't stand for him putting people down, plus
thinking he knows everything, when he knows close to
nothing."
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- I give the man
props for making me look up "epicaricacy" (rejoicing
at or deriving pleasure from the misfortunes of
others), which I guess in this specific context
is true. I was absolutely rejoicing in watching him
write absolute bullshit and then every single comment
refuting what he said. It's rare anyone poses a
question like that on Facebook and everyone
tells him off. Most people would take that as "Oh, I
guess I was wrong." Not Shafi.
<shrugs>
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- He then blocked
Burgundie and myself and that is the end of the story.
I mean. I hope. I don't know. This
happened almost two weeks ago and I'm still having
fucked up dreams and insomnia and... listen - when
people aren't honest? This is the aftermath. If
there's one thing The Journey has taught me, it's that
self-awareness and holding yourself accountable is
only "great" when those around you do the same.
Otherwise? You're an alien. They sleep fine without a
thought of you, while unfortunately they live
rent-free inside your head because you're trying so
badly to get some closure. Trying to get on the same
page. That's why I had to write a song. That's
how I deal with it...
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- Man. That's a
pretty good Journey song. You forget you can do that
sometimes. Tha's my button on this awful story and
this documentation stays up forever so at the very
least, if anyone wants to know, it's here. People who
hate me will say it's bullshit... but I have to
document to keep my sanity. This entry and that song
will allow me to sleep and worry about, you know, the
actual insanity of this year? The reality of
2020?
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- Whew.
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- Adam
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