Entry #2060
8:45 AM - August 19th, 2020
Ya know what... it's 2020. If there was ever a year for this to resurface it would be 2020.
So 7 months ago I wrote this:
Man, look at that beautiful entry bar. Cannot believe I only got to use that for 11 entries and then BOOM. UGH. Anyway...
That was the entry after Kobe's death and written in response to the barrage of "he was a rapist" and the unwillingness for some people to believe anyone is ever wrongly accused. It's certainly not the norm, and I absolutely believe you should listen closely and supportively to every single woman who tells their story...
...but women do lie. And sometimes they do it for far less than millions of dollars. Sometimes they're just embarassed they wanted pre-marital sex. Sometimes they have regrets. Sometimes they're angry and want to hurt someone. It is rare... but it happens. Should be the motto of The Journey really. I've lead a pretty unicornish life.
All of what I just wrote doesn't play into what happened last week, because I was responding to this very strange Facebook post:
Shafi and I went to highschool together and he's a little wacky. However, so am I. I have always maintained a friendship with him online. Hadn't spoken for nearly 10 years, but I was always respectful because - he is indeed kind of a powder keg. But the thing is? Our whole class knew it. I don't know anyone that bullied him... maybe I didn't see it... but I remember everyone just using kid gloves with the dude because he did crazy shit. I say this publicly knowing there are over 200 people from my class that could absolutely counter me if I was making this up. It was a known-known. At our 15 year high-school reunion he brought a duffel bag and just sat it at a table. No one came near it. Uncomfortable personality.
But he would text me over FB and I'd always respond. He seemed like a tortured, misunderstood soul...
That's the type of interactions we'd have. Random shit, out of the blue... no context. And I'd give the best virtual hug I could and then just shake my head - hoping the dude would find some peace.
So I see his post about Obamacare which honestly? Looks like it was written in 2011, you know? It was clear he was trying to make this "point", but we're so PAST that "take" in 2020 it's just bizarre. And people started replying accordingly. Because most of the people in this country have been impacted by the ACA. I add my two cents...
And yes, considering what happens next... in hindsight... maybe this was a little too snarky? I just honestly hadn't heard this shit for a DECADE, you know? It's like he was in a coma for 10 years, woke up and then started talking politics from 2010. I never thought twice about making a joke out of this. And here we go...
So a lot to unpack here... as I say in the linked entry, Collins (and it sucks actual names are brought into this, but it wasn't me) literally admitted to me at the end of the school year that he never really believed his girlfriend's story and was just defending her because they were together. And quick aside here: this happened before they were together. I've done some stupid shit in my day, but this is a picture of me and Collins from our highschool reunion in 2009:
Yeah, my skinny ass did NOT make out with that MOUNTAIN OF A MAN's girlfriend while they were together. LMFAO. And again... there's us hanging out 15 years after this incident. We were cool at the end of our senior year, we were cool at the reunion, I've had no contact since (he's not on Facebook) but I can't imagine anything would be different now almost 30 years later. My ex, Burgundie did spend time with him around this time and said he was cool, nice... there's just zero bad blood.
So - I have no idea where this is coming from. I guess I understand that Shafi is upset because I made the "Obamatown" joke? I was certainly belittling his comment, but lest we forget? Here's that comment again:
<throws hands up> I mean, that's just BEGGING for some shit. However, if it had been less than 10 goddamn years since I had spoken to him... I may have remembered he's a bit "off" and just let it go. I remembered that we had been friendly on FB and ribbed him. Wrong move. So I quote a piece from the entry I'm sure he hasn't clicked and then I call Burgundie and ask for some help. This was a big part of the beginning of our relationship. She was even in the hallway at the end of the school year when I confronted Collins and he admitted he didn't really believe the story.
An aside to all this, Shafi had been speaking with Burgundie the last few days completely out of the blue. When I called she was pretty freaked out and was actually hesitant to get involved. But because she's fucking awesome, she did. Let this be a testament to being honest with everyone, being respectful to everyone and building bonds that last a lifetime even if your marriage and "labels" change.
For documentation purposes, after 27 years, Burg did actually mix-up the two events. The confrontation in the hallway was at the end of the school year when I confronted Colins and he admitted he knew that the story was bullshit and we shook hands and were cool. The event where I got my ass POUNDED was at the beginning of the school year before Burg and I were together. But again, 27 years, people. I only remember this because I document shit like, well, a documentarian. This was a SEMINAL MOMENT in my life and I remember every specific. But it was nice that she wrote that.
Now, she did mention the girl's name and I have blacked that out. I am still friends with this person on Facebook. We went to lunch 10 years ago as I mention in the entry from January and there was no mention of it. I have never confronted her about this for a couple reasons: first, it makes zero difference in my life. I am literally making this a bigger deal than it was and is. She is a nurse dealing with REAL SHIT right now in 2020. This is all stupid high school shit. I don't need an apology from her. I was a little surprised she didn't say anything at lunch 10 years ago... but the truth is? She's still Catholic. She's probably STILL ASHAMED at what happened. She probably STILL doesn't want people to know that she had any type of pre-marital sex. That's her right, man. Maybe if I was running for office or this had ANY legs I would write her a letter and ask her to please tell the truth. But her truth may absolutely be: she felt pressured to do something she later regretted. Now that pressure was absolutely her own body. The fact that she even asked me that question shows she was conflicted. And my goodness, if I was ANY older than 17 and a woman asked me that question I would stop immediately because that's awful. But that's because I'm an old man and anyone who would ask that question is very, very young. I responded literally to her question because I was 17 and wanted to have oral sex. We were in a 69 position and I was returning the favor as it happened. I was ready, to, go. I was super excited and happy to be there. Her initial concern about what I would think of her vanished and we had fun. Silly, awkward, completely normal teenage fun.
Those facts are probably embarrassing as fuck to a practicing Catholic. <throws hands up> And ya know what? That's fine. Everyone chooses a path and that's the path she chose. What on earth would be the point of bringing that up to her now? Would I appreciate a note from her apologizing? Of course. But it's no longer organic and she had the opportunity 10 years ago and didn't. Then again, maybe buying me lunch out-of-the blue because I was in town (Chicago) was her way of saying "yeah, I'm sorry." That's honestly how I took it at the time. She couldn't really face the specifics and felt the need to make a gesture.
Then again, here we are 27 years later and the rumor persists and accused=guilty. Kinda sucks. Anyway, to finish things off:
I then messaged Shafi directly...
"the past couple of days" was referring to wild posts about if Marc Zuckerberg was secretly homosexual? Just wild shit out of nowhere. He's posted nothing but profile pictures for NINE YEARS. He continued talking to Burgundie and she said he owed me an apology to which he replied:
"I didn't even know you two were married Burgundie. However, whatever happened still bothers Collins and I really wasn't there. But Collins and I, don't lie to each other. Adam has a way of making degrading comments on people's posts. He practices epicaricacy and he practiced it with the wrong person today. It's not anything against you. So, I hope you understand. I just can't stand for him putting people down, plus thinking he knows everything, when he knows close to nothing."
I give the man props for making me look up "epicaricacy" (rejoicing at or deriving pleasure from the misfortunes of others), which I guess in this specific context is true. I was absolutely rejoicing in watching him write absolute bullshit and then every single comment refuting what he said. It's rare anyone poses a question like that on Facebook and everyone tells him off. Most people would take that as "Oh, I guess I was wrong." Not Shafi. <shrugs>
He then blocked Burgundie and myself and that is the end of the story. I mean. I hope. I don't know. This happened almost two weeks ago and I'm still having fucked up dreams and insomnia and... listen - when people aren't honest? This is the aftermath. If there's one thing The Journey has taught me, it's that self-awareness and holding yourself accountable is only "great" when those around you do the same. Otherwise? You're an alien. They sleep fine without a thought of you, while unfortunately they live rent-free inside your head because you're trying so badly to get some closure. Trying to get on the same page. That's why I had to write a song. That's how I deal with it...
Man. That's a pretty good Journey song. You forget you can do that sometimes. Tha's my button on this awful story and this documentation stays up forever so at the very least, if anyone wants to know, it's here. People who hate me will say it's bullshit... but I have to document to keep my sanity. This entry and that song will allow me to sleep and worry about, you know, the actual insanity of this year? The reality of 2020?