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11:50 AM, Monday, October 8th, 2018:   How am I even writing this right now? How did this happen? And honestly, why is it kicking my ass so hard? Is it the Clintonville Academy connection? That might be it...   So I was best friends with a dude in the 5th grade who then moved to a different school and we never really connected much after that. Lived far apart. However, was probably one of my closest friends in grade school. We created a rap group called "The Badass Boys" and I have nothing but awesome memories with him. Both big Michael Jackson fans... first kid I knew with an NES and Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. Your nomral 5th grade memories.   In 2011 we reconnected on FB and started having several good conversations in 2015 mostly about our kids and Star Wars (he hated TFA and I loved it). I invited him out but he wasn't able to make it work. Thankfully I came out in 2017 and we were able to meet up at our old school, Clintonville Academy. They were having me speak there about the Delorean and career stuff. It's honestly one of my proudest moments and a great memory, wrote about it here:     Maybe he's mad I didn't mention him in that entry because he was there?!?! Sorry, my mind is still swirling while I try to figure this one out...   As you'll see in the interaction, on 12/29/17 he linked me to a Christmas video he made wanting some pointers and I was honestly so busy with year-end stuff on the site I could only reply: "sorry super busy with year end shit". Peruse the end of 2017 and beginning of 2018 and you'll see what I mean.   Then the fire happened, the documentary... it became a whirlwind and I never heard from him again. I never thought about it. On September 25th he linked me to a stand-up routine from Dave Chappelle in a message which I didn't even CLICK on because, well - look at the end of September. LMAO. Out-of-town guests for 3 straight weeks, Vienna's birthday, O'Keefe interview, Podcast... JESUS. I can't even catch my breath let alone watch a stand-up routine. If it's not a PERSONAL COMMENT? I don't always respond right away, ya know? Am I weird like that? If you type "hey man, how's it goin?" I'll absolutely respond in the midst of all sorts of chaos... if you're just sharing some video that goes in the "when I have time to watch media" file of my brain. Anyway I sound super defensive right now because of what happened on Friday night, but I'm still trying to process everything. So here it is. Please note that the emojis and emoji reactions (even to his own comments) are 100% from him. It's distracting as hell, but really no way to remove them:

 

 

Christ those emoji reactions are annoying. I don't want to go on a rant about "who the hell 'likes' their own comments?" but WHO THE HELL LIKES THEIR OWN COMMENTS? And you're calling me pretentious? Huh?   So as I said in the conversation, I really, really believed he was just drunk texting. I've been called a lot of things in my life, lacking empathy ain't even in the Top 50. You don't need to know me for very long to realize I have crippling bouts with empathizing too deeply and have spent most of my adulthood trying to direct it at the right people instead of EVERYONE. But, I considered him a friend and as I promised I wrote to him the following day. Whew:

 

 

Rereading that I'm still just stunned. I know everyone is like "Dude, better off without him..." yadda, yadda. I guess, but man - this is BAD. What, the, fuck happened? If a LACK of writing to a friend caused this, what would've happened if I said something he DIDN'T LIKE? I just watched that Christmas video and, shit man... I didn't like it. The fuck would've happened had I said THAT? You send me a 7 minute slide show of your kid with a few video snippets and want my opinion? FUCK I couldn't have been honest about that! No one ACTUALLY wants advice from an editor about their editing. You don't do that shit to a friend. I don't give writing samples to writers during the holidays, then hold a grudge for 10 years if they don't read it and respond. HUH? IS THAT REALLY IT?!?!   So, yeah, obviously I unfriended him but this just feels wrong. Something is wrong. It almost doesn't matter that a bridge is burned I feel like I need to call him before I write this off. Although we only talked a bit online in the past few years, I read his stuff. He's a passionate dude and this seems like a scream for help...   ...to which he would most likely respond "Of course you think I need YOU, you narcissist."   Grrr. Man I'm struggling here.   Just called and left a message. Probably a waste but again, this is just SO FAR OUT IN LEFT FIELD. Has he just been watching me this whole year and then decided to open the bottle on me this weekend??! Whew.   Time will tell.   And, well, I guess this entry gets the Clintonville Academy video from last year, right? Fuck else am I gonna do?   Ugh. Such a fun day. Should this even be an entry? What's been my 20 year mottis operandi with this site? "Post only character defining moments." This is really eating at me and I can't let it go, so I guess yeah. I mean if this was about Trump I'd write it off. In fact last week a long-time friend unfriended me over Trump and the Kavanaugh vote and I thought "yeah, it was about time for that." There were some other issues too so I was kind of glad he did it first. Was a bit of a relief. I'll hear from him down the road.   Anyway, Happy Birthday tomorrow Adam!   :(   Oh and fuck you Don, I know you're laughing at the Goldie Wilson comment. LMFAO. It seems only Don, his friends and his family understand how inconsequential that role is to ANY of our involvement with him. The idea that his, ahem, celebrity, validates me... I can hear you LAUGHING RIGHT NOW BITCH. Hahahahahahaha. Christ this dude really doesn't know me. <shrugs>   Adam