- 7:42 AM, Friday,
August 26th, 2016:
-
- And I wake up
this morning on the other side of the
hill.
-
- Exactly. Day one
of the second half. For the man that counts
everything, yes I really did work all these
numbers out. As a kid I dreamt my death date as July
13th, 2057. Strange, right? Strange because it's a
pretty plausible date as I'd be 81. Strange because
I've never forgotten it.
A couple years ago I decided to work out the
exact date I hit the mid-point. One of the
various things I do during my bouts of
insomnia... ended up it was August of 2016. But
I wanted it down to the DAY.
THE MUTHAFUCKIN MINUTE BITCHES.
lol
-
- 81
years 9 months 4 days - July 13th, 2057 - Day
29,863
-
- 40
years 10 months 16 days - August 25th, 2016 - Day
14,931
-
- 1:44am
on August 26th, 2016 is the exact mid-point (14931.5)
if I die at July 13th, 2057 at
1:44pm
-
- Of course the flaw
in this is that because day 29,863 is an odd number,
we have to guess a halfday mid-point (and guess that I
die EXACTLY the minute I was born) which ended up
being 1:44am this morning. Now the irony of all this
anal number crunching is yesterday I completely
fucking forgot it was my mid-day because I was so busy
with life...
-
- ...except that's
also the beauty, is it not? Life is moving at such a
pace these days it gives new meaning to "Can't Slow
Down". A song I wrote (conicidentally) half my
life ago when I was a talk show host and trying
to put a CD together and a wedding, et cetera, et
cetera, et cetera... 20 years later it's no different.
I am productive at a blistering pace and it
truthfully hasn't waned. So what's
different?
-
- My sense of
urgency is different. I can't say it's waned
really, because if I have an idea nearly all of
my energy gets sucked into the vortex and I'm knocking
it out with a true sense of urgency... but it lacks
the FEAR that it used to have. In my 20s, the drive
was based in this need to "make it". To be true to
these talents and find the feeling of recognition on a
greater level. At 40 I know that's just
completely out of my control. Even when you get that
recognition? It's fleeting. It's a MOMENT. And then it
is IMMEDIATELY replaced with the next level.
That doesn't change. You're either a "Gonna
be" or a "has been" REPEATEDLY throughout your
life. If it's in you? What you're "gonna be" next
comes quickly and you can move forward.
-
- THAT wasn't always
in me. It's an extremely difficult process for someone
with as many abilities as I have to navigate what
the next move is supposed to be. My home life has also
never been as stable as it is right now. There was
very little joy outside of pursuing my career for a
good 15 year stretch and therein lies the issue: if
your only happiness is when your career is working?
Boy are you fucked in showbiz. Never has that been
more apparent than this year: certain stretches of
entries this year area as OLD SCHOOL Journey
as you can GET. It's like they were plucked out of
2007 and inserted into 2016 and surrounding them?
Bliss. I care JUSSSSSSSST enough to chronicle it
because I feel some loyalty to this project after all
these years... but I can't WAIT to turn off the
computer and go to dinner with Talya or play with my
kids or build some shit. And contrary to popular
belief - the happy home life hasn't killed my dreams,
it's actually allowed me to have a clear mind while
continuing to chase them.
-
- But more than
anything the difference is obvious: I'm more mature.
Things are weighted differently because I've
experienced more. It's all relative. In your 20s
things hold different weight because you've never been
down that path. Or you've never been in love... or
you've never gotten a deal... and so on and so on.
Once you have it feels like you're playing with house
money. I'm happy either way.
-
- What has
absolutely remained the same however is that from a
logical standpoint? I have the pieces to be on
TV/film, etc. I still have the looks, the drive,
the acumen, it's there. It hasn't diminished...
I could argue with age it's actually gotten
better. GolfKon is just another way people are
"Hearing My Thoughts" (a CD title of mine in
1998)... the uniqueness is still within every step at
GolfKon, now it's just in a physical world. It's hard
not to be inspired by that. It's hard not to believe
that this keeps leading to things.
The wondrous thing at this age is I don't have
that incessant need to define it. Hell I said
this in my 20s! I remember a 2003 drinking video
saying to just "Create My Future" and not worry about
the rest... but it was nearly impossible with my home
life so unstable. How can I bring that up without
linking it. LOL:
-
 -
- Jesus I look
the same. Man that's weird. In person you can see some
age... but to go half your life, a full 20 years and
look damn near identical? Is spooky. I mean, this
is 1995. I'm 19 or 20...
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