entry and video locked until 04.01.12
10:12 AM, Monday, February 6th, 2012:
It may seem strange for this entry to come right after announcing Talya's pregnancy... but since they've become an inspiration to us it kinda fits perfectly. With every step of happiness we achieve they seem to step in and claw at us and that absolutely, positively, fascinates me. I've always been an empath, almost obsessed with understanding exactly what others are feeling so I can better communicate what I'm feeling. It's the core of my interpersonal communication (though rarely seen on this site since it's just my thoughts). So when I saw this on twitter? I was legitimately shocked. Maybe I shouldn't have been, but I really, really was.
The mean girls from last May return by making fun of Talya's "white girl problems" as she's on her second marriage that will surely end in divorce. It was after this and one of the girl's blogs to end last year that I realized this is still as much in their heads as it is in mine (and to a lesser degree Talya, she moved past this better than anyone). This is how I responded to her blog in the first entry of 2012:
Twenty eleven was also a year of loss. I lost a really good friend due to a dime-store Svengali, a certain pinkish eyewear, and an extraordinarily rigid code of friendship conduct. Let me say this: if one fight was enough to undue every 5-year relationship, then no one would have friends. Isolationism really only works for the Swiss.


What I find so funny is that she still thinks this is some big manipulative scam on my part. To what end? LOL. What's the payoff? Am I manipulating Talya to be so happy that we have babies together? What a prick! Will this person finally realize she was wrong when our kid enters kindergarten? Maybe college? At what point do you realize that no one can be manipulated into happiness? And what on earth are you reading/seeing/sensing that would tell you otherwise? I mean, you're gonna have to bump me up to at least 99cent store Svengali if I've masterminded every happy blog post she's written, or all the pictures from the wedding. Did I direct her to sway and giggle like the most excited woman on the planet during the ceremony?!?! Saying "I was wrong" is actually, really freeing. You should try it. I do it all the time. It allows you to let go of "perfection" and giggle at the egg on your face. And how's "being mad at the world" workin' for you? Did you have a good year? Exactly. Spit out less venom and there will be very little coming back at you.

I mean, duh, right? It's Psychology 101 that mean people are really just unhappy with their lives. But they keep bringing it up and as someone who enjoys the mechanics of intellectual debate? I'm curious as to how we'll determine a winner here. Heh. Take the sides for example...
Mean Girls:
Because of our romantic pasts and what they read on the site, they believe I'm just manipulating Talya into thinking she's happy when in fact, I'm using her. Once I'm no longer happy, I will move on because that's my pattern.
That's never been my pattern, ever, and we've honestly never been happier in our lives and can't wait to start a family.


I don't mind the side that they're on, it's a legitimate side (although completely obvious if you never take the time to talk to us). After a 5 year friendship they chose to never talk to Talya about her relationship, ever. Choosing only to read selective entries, talk about us behind our backs and finally unload a barrage of rage on the both of us when Talya refused to get involved in their pettiness over one of my pardoy songs (that was about Talya's ex mind you, not them). Again, I don't have a problem with that... it's their right to make assertions without ever speaking to the people involved and in terms of trying to win an online debate? That sure is nice! LMAO. If only all internet debates could be with the willfully ignorant (actually they usually are). No, what shocked me about the blog and recent tweets is they happened AFTER our wedding. This is where I have to admit a little naivitae on my part. This is completely embarrassing for me to write...
I actually believed they would watch that wedding ceremony and privately admit that they maaaay have been a bit off on their assessments. I'm such a hopeless romantic to have thought they would've seen that and had their heart aflutter. LOL. Remember, this initial blow-up at us was before we were even engaged. I thought you would be very hard pressed to not see the love and sincerity in those wedding vows, or hell, even in the pre-wedding video. When I have to tell her the photographer forgot and won't make it for the family pictures before? It's probably the sweetest moment of the day. So in my head, I figured that privately? They were probably thinking: "wow... they really are happy, we really were a bit overdramatic, and we really didn't know them well enough to understand that. Should probably stop posting about that." Wroooooong. A few weeks after the marriage they're still laughing about her white girl problems and that this is her second marriage that will end up in divorce. Clearly they're unhappy, yadda yadda... but in terms of "winning a debate", this is where it gets interesting...
They've kind of set up a scenario where they can continue this for the rest of our lives. Why? Because as long as we're married? We could still get divorced. LOL. We should've gotten a YEAR count from them. LMAO. Because if it doesn't stop when we're happily married, when do you admit defeat? Ever? Now that she's pregnant? Multiple kids? When we're posting happy videos as a family, will it continue with "they'll be unhappy one day!" or the one that will make this go on for a life time: "they're faking it to make it look like they're happy." The only way they admit defeat is if they stop talking about it because it's so obvious we're happy. Goddamn, isn't this a sick thing to root for for this long? How miserable do you have to be to actively poke fun at other people's... HAPPINESS?!?! LMAO. I mean I'll give them the period when we had just met: "Oh they're not really happy... she'll see. She'll be crying to me soon enough." But after THAT proposal? Then after THAT wedding? After that reaction to the pregnancy test? Is this really just the old adage of "misery loves company" and they're losing the once miserable Talya so they're pissy? Then I had a huge realization that is the reason I wrote this entry. Because it's true of not only their beliefs but probably the majority of people reading...
The type of love we show isn't real. It's the beginning stages, the honeymoon period. It's a fairy tale, it's in the movies... real relationships are a lot of hard work and compromise and only the beginning of a relationship is love songs and glee. So they think we're in this honeymoon phase that will soon pass. And when it does, I have proven by my own track record to "give up."
Now, anyone who has actually read The Journey? Knows that's not true. And because no one can sit and read 12 years of a journal, I always point to Entry #1099 which is where I typed this ridiculous sentence:
"My first ex-wife just bought me a one-way ticket home at a later date so I could see my second ex-wife's baby the day it's born."
It's the quickest way to show newcomers that these were never failures. If I had ever wronged those two women, that sentence could never be written. We love each other dearly. No one was "traded in". I never cheated on anyone, they never cheated on me. These were unique situations where the right choice was to separate. If you can blame us for anything? Blame us for not believing a piece of paper was worth a lifetime of unhappiness because we got our labels wrong. We loved each other enough to change labels mid-stream and celebrate each other's happiness as friends.
It's almost impossible to explain that type of love to someone who has never been married or whose only mention of their husband publically is to scorn him for still smoking or to bemoan that she can't "mingle" when he's working because they're married. No wonder she thinks my love songs are over the top. She thinks it's all some "con". And if she's ever experienced anything like that herself? It turned out to be fleeting at best. Then she looks at the surface of my past? And feels it must be fleeting there as well. It does make sense. Which means our "happiness" elicits anger from her. Since it isn't her experience, it must be false. And I need to make one quick aside to those in relationships reading:
I don't believe my relationship with Talya is the "right" way. It's our way. I don't believe our dynamic of being mellow, easy-going, sharing male/female roles equally, is the "right" way. It's our way. I know most relationships have a a dominant/submissive dynamic in different areas and if it works for them? Kick-ass. I don't judge men that come off weaker in a relationship (I've been there, sometimes shutting-the-fuck-up is the most peaceful choice) just as I don't judge women that have a more submissive role. We all have certain personality types and life is figuring out what that is and where we fit. I don't think our relationship is better because I write a love song or because we knew so early on that we were special. I don't judge on those things. If you're happy? You're doing it right. If you're mean to others? You're doing it wrong.
Just had to get that out. I think people assume arrogance on our part because we're so open with our happiness. Couldn't be further from the truth. Now back to the topic at hand... what will be their excuse when it's obvious they were wrong? I think if really questioned on it? After we have a family, etc? Their "out" will be that the baby somehow settled us down and kept us together. If we didn't have a baby, I would divorce her the moment the "honeymoon" period was over. To which I have to just come right out and say it:
There's never been a honeymoon period with me and Talya.
Contrary to all the songs that are up now? There was never a beginning whirlwind romance. In fact we told each other "back the fuck off, I don't want a relationship" immediately. Two months later when we noticed we had spent two straight weeks together (like, she just never went back to her apartment) we looked at each other and said:  "Hmm, I guess this means we're in a relationship" so we hit the "in a relationship" button on Facebook. That's the boring truth about us. What grew from that however was a very deep, respectful, appreciative love that gets stronger by the day. But our union? Was simply a result of us logically looking at how we coexist. We just fit. There's no struggle, there's no conflict, we compliment each other in every way... and it's just obvious to anyone who spends time with us. <shrugs> I can't really explain it. We just had perfect life timing and we were wise enough to allow the bond to grow, even though we had every reason to push each other away because of our pasts. Every day we say how happy we are and how fortunate we feel to have found each other so randomly. The mean girls may see the love songs as some "sly con", but I think the 200 Journey songs before those show that I just write songs about my life. She's the most important thing in my life... so I write songs about her. I love her to death. I love us to death. What's the issue again? LOL. Oh right, this was never about the truth, this was about an intellectual online debate. Because the actual truth, is very, very simple:
Talya used to be a doormat. She isn't now. And if you're lucky enough to make the shift from doormat to doorway? The "friends" you had as a doormat will have issue with that. That's it. 1/2 of the "Mean Girls" twosome is incredibly controlling, abusive, and manipulative... while the other is still a doormat. That dynamic can stay together forever. ;)
I'm very proud of Talya. I'm very proud that she can look at this:
And have it not hurt anymore. 6 months ago, they really hurt. They shit on her at an already tense time (her mother was leaving her father) with lines like: "I'll still be here when he divorces u like all the others. And I won't even say I told u so." Ouch. As obvious as it was that they were out of their minds? They had been friends for 5 years and Talya is incredibly sensitive. That killed her. Now? Them making fun of her just reinforces her belief and that they aren't good people. She floats on to the next happy moment in her life. I'm incredibly proud of her.
And to the mean girls? Love. Just love. Love is not weak, mean is. So just.. LOVE. Not because you'll rebuild bridges you've burned, but because your entire life will change. Being mean instantly attracts other mean people and in return? Puts off the very people you want in your life. And those people won't usually tell you why they're not around you anymore 'cause they figure you won't listen. I figure you won't either, but I'm a bizarre creature that adores the topic of communication. So at least it's here. Someday you may read it. Someday when it's obvious that everything you thought about the two of us was wrong you might stumble upon this entry and realize that being mean just prolonged your healing.
Hopefully the last entry will warrant their silence... but if they want to continue this, we're happy to share the love. I can only imagine their responses to the last video...