"Colorful
characters are the backbone of any good story.
"
That statement is
how I've gotten through every up and down in my
life... just write it up as another chapter and keep
going. This one plays out like pure fiction, but it's
the price you pay for being open, vulnerable and
sharing your life online. The alternative isn't
possible for me so I try and enjoy the
ride.
There's only one
reason I'm taking the time to write the is entry. If
someone doesn't stick up for the eccentric loud mouth,
who will? He decided to make this public, and I will
give him the respect of responding only because I
considered him a good guy 15 years ago when we knew
each other. If this was someone I didn't know? This
would never be touched...
If you look at the
last song on the track list of the 2nd
WTVN Late
Show CD
you'll see the song I used to end my show with every
night: 'Andy's Closing Song'. Andy Bernstein was a
local musician in Columbus in the mid-90s and used to
call in my show all the time. Incredibly bright, did
really well during trivia hours, and surprised me with
a closing song for my show that was just flat-out
awesome. I even wrote about it in my personal journal
at the time
(that
is now
online).
I played it every single night I was on the air after
that and had him down to the station several
times.
The last time I
saw him was in 1999 at one of my 4tvs shows and he
just straight up slammmmmmmed it. Wow,
even
this is still
online. All
the way down to the physical set-up of the TVs. I sat
and talked with him for a good 45 minutes while Jess
and Marty tore down trying to explain the intricacies
of the technology behind everything and that we and
had actually all thought of his critiques before, it
was just 1999 and what I was doing had never been done
before so it was really, really freaking difficult to
implement. 5 of the same guy performing live onstage
with TVs in the analog world of the freaking 90s.
Fuck.
Over a decade
passed and just a few weeks ago he found me on
Facebook and we began to catch up. I was really
excited for him to see the movie. What a cool way to
catch up on ten years, right? Good timing. From time
to time on my Facebook page he would throw in some
wacky sentence or two (his new stage name is "Drew
Blank" - totally his sense of humor) and I really
looked forward to seeing him.
When he got to the
theater I was on the phone with my cousin trying to
give him directions as he was lost. He immediately
broke into song (dude can belt it) and though I was in
the middle of my conversation I smiled and waved and
then shook his hand when I got off the phone. Totally
his style, and even though it was jarring as I was
trying to give directions, it had been 12 years and it
was very good to see him. We talked for a bit, all
laughs and niceties. He gave me a tiny bit of shit
about the $10 ticket, but I'm honestly used to friends
and family bemoaning buying a ticket or DVD, etc. That
may seem shocking to people who aren't performers, but
most artists will tell you that friends and family
almost always want to "be on the list" or "get a free
copy" because they know you. I take no offense to it
because I produced my first cassette in 1994 and it
has never changed. And you always know who is going to
bitch and who isn't. Fun to watch, really.
So the movie
starts up and I'm at the bar in the back of the
theater watching it on a tv monitor (this is the
coolest theater in the world) and we're at the first
scene where 2010 Adam is explaining the entire
foundation of the movie to 2000 Adam. Andy comes
running back and proclaims, quite loudly: "The
symbolism of that shirt dude..." and I jumped. I
turned to him wide-eyed and said "shhhhh" as I pointed
to the screen, which felt painfully obvious 'cause
we're in a goddamn movie theater. I mean, this goes
without saying doesn't it? i just checked the file, it
wasn't even three minutes into the movie. Andy stands
there for a moment and says "Whatever dude!" and
storms back to his seat. As he went back to his seat,
the guy I was sitting next to gave me a crazy look and
shook his head and I continued to focus on the opening
to make sure the file was playing correctly (sync
issues out the ASS) and once I saw that the dialogue
was syncing up right, I finally went and sat down next
to Talya to watch the rest of the film.
15 minutes later
he gets up again, goes HOME and spends the next hour
and a half (longer than the movie, mind you) writing
this
on my Facebook
wall.
To anyone who has
ever accused me of exaggerating the craziness in my
life, I present that diatribe. That is epic. And even
though he couldn't give me the respect of watching the
opening scene of the movie, I will give him the
respect of responding to his critiques instead of
ignoring them because they're irrational. I've known
him a long time, and he deserves that. I'm flying all
day today, so I have the time.
Ok, I'm going to start
writing. And I hope you will have enough foresight and
patience to read these comments until their
conclusion, and before you delete them. I have known
you since long before your "Journey" began. Every
example of your work was a clear demonstration of the
fact that you were completely self-absorbed. If it was
yours, it was good. Sometimes you were right, and the
self-confidence as a component of your character is
essential for anyone creating anything. I was anxious
to see what kind of man you are today, and what you
are creating. The "Naive Again" video was pretty good,
and the proposal song you posted was a nice piece of
work...even if the video was a bit too private to play
for strangers.
I'm used to this
critique because I sing and write about my feelings.
Therefore, absolutely, my songs and journal entries
are self-absorbed. Slightly ironic timing since my
last song was a marriage proposal to Talya and of
course had he stayed to watch the movie there's a song
about Hurricane Katrina, the Iraq war and bombing
Iran... but otherwise, I have no defense. I usually
write songs that are 100% about my feelings.
And on the video
being too private for strangers? Can you imagine what
an absolute smack in the face it would be to Talya if
I didn't make her part of The Journey? She can't stop
watching the video, giggling like a girl and sharing
it with everyone. She's my number one priority and I
actually bought a laptop SPECIFICALLY to make that
video for her the day it happened so she could share
it with her friends and family that couldn't be there.
You really nailed that one, man. Doesn't the fact that
Jess and Burgundie were excited to meet her and go to
dinner with her after the movie speak volumes to how I
have always treated the women in my life? Brother,
you're so far inside your own head you're not even
using your eyes.
I have only resumed my
attempts at writing music recently, and I hope that
some of it will turn out well. Perhaps a listener
could be convinced to sit down and sample the one hour
of results, culled from thousands of hours of effort.
Within that hour, there are mere seconds of pleasure.
Dumbed down by all the rest, perhaps the listener
would miss those too. So nearly all of my work was
remained private...not because it is valueless, but
because it is not as perfect as I can make it. The
last thing I am going to do is waste a second of
anyone's time, or undermine the opportunity I might
have of creating a good first impression with a new
listener.
This tells you
everything you need to know about Andy and his issues
with me. If you are so down on your own art that
nearly all of your work has remained private for fear
of wasting people's time? I must be the mutha-fuckin'
anti-christ. The time waster of the CENTURY. The
epitome of arrogance because I create and share daily
and have for decades. How on earth he was a fan of my
radio show (which makes The Journey look outright lazy
in terms of production) is beyond me. The bottom line
is, if you feel like this about art? You will find
issue with me because sharing feelings is the core of
my art. And at the same token, if you only release
songs when they're perfect and think I do the same
(therefore you think I'm saying that all I release is
perfect) you are oblivious to how I operate. I create
and share the way most people take a shit. I don't do
it for validation, I don't do it to become famous, I
do it because I take things in, I get filled up and
since I'm extremely open, I let them out. I have
instruments, computers and cameras all around me and I
pick them up like most people, well, sit on a toilet.
I don't mean to be gross, it's just how a lot of
artists operate. You take things in, process them, and
spit them out. Now every once in awhile the business
side of me perks up, looks at one of those creations
and says "that is good enough to make some noise" and
I then go through the steps of pushing and promoting
it. But I create and share EVERYTHING and absolutely
none of it is perfect. Ever.
Interestingly, I
used to be like Andy and obsessed over every single
thing that anyone ever heard... and then I got The
Late Show on WTVN and had to fill 6 hours a night. Say
goodbye to that issue. That time crunch made me what I
am today and has fueled my entire life. Thank GOD. I
would be completely insane if I held onto every single
piece of art until it was perfect. I would be so
constipated creatively I would lash out at other
artists like a madman. I would become so self-centered
that I would barely be able to focus on anything
before jumping up and interrupting.
Ahem.
I walked out of the
theater today after watching maybe 30 minutes of your
work. If it was less time than that, it certainly
didn't seem like it. If there were seconds of pleasure
that I cheated myself out of, my loss... there had not
been a single one up to that point. Just the private
home movies of a self-absorbed man.
The trailer was absolute
pablum. After the feature began, and my immediate
boredom with it, two overriding impressions
immediately became clear. The first is that you are a
very talented video editor, and I almost laughed out
load when you recounted the tale of an industry
professional recognizing your ability. Good for him,
he knows what he is talking about...and probably
reached that realization within five minutes of first
seeing your work.
Just a quick note.
He wasn't talking about the movie trailer that I
released, I too was confused about that when I first
read it. Once I looked up "pablum" (mucho props to you
for that one, I'm like RAINMAN in scrabble and you
totally stumped me on that word) I saw that it meant
"baby food" and I realized he was talking about the
short film I showed before the movie started. I played
the first video my father and I did when I was 9 about
driving to George's Coney Island. It was basically a
big thank-you note to my father for inspiring me to
tell stories through video. Clearly, it had a profound
effect on me. I thought he'd get a kick out of seeing
it video on the big screen. He did. And even though
the voice-over introducing it explained that verbatim,
Andy kinda missed the point.
And the content? Who is
editing that? Perhaps a screening at a family reunion
would sell, where there is a reason for the viewer to
have some emotional connection to the man behind (and
in front of) the curtain. You made zero with me, and I
am someone who knows you and was anticipating this
debut. I am not a stranger to whom you must make a
valuable first impression.
It strikes me as
odd that he would say this when we were at an actual
movie theater where several people that didn't know me
had just paid $10 and came up to me after talking
about how intense and inspiring it was. But
remembering the times I spent talking to Andy in the
90s, he's perpetually in that "demo mode" of trying to
make something that will impress an exec or person of
power and I guess he didn't realize that those people
will get the trailer I made, not the full movie. Why
he expected something geared towards an industry
professional when he's sitting in Columbus Ohio is
beyond me.
And other than the
quality of the video editing, and with respect to the
content I saw, there was one very powerful piece of
imagery you created. If you did it intentionally, I
curse you to hell. But I don't even think you know
what you did, or will even care. So I'll just conclude
that you stepped on your dick, in front of a bunch of
your closest friends.
The repeated shots of the
young man sitting in a darkened room, adorned in a
simple striped shirt.
Hey Adam, anyone ever ask
you if you were a Jew? You kind of look like one. I
am, a Jew who will one day play his music at a family
reunion. Too bad there won't be entire branch of the
family tree there to criticize my work. I like
criticism.
So I abruptly got up to
point out to you how powerful the imagery was, and how
a lot more people other than Jews with dead relatives
would make the same realization. And what I got is
what me Grandma would call "shooshed" by you. Because
you engrossed in the umpteenth viewing of your own
masterwork.
Holy fucking wow.
I mean, jumping frogs of Tallahassee, fuck me in a
field running - WOW. What the fuck was that and where
the hell do I start? First, you should've listened to
your Grandma and not talked in the middle of a movie.
I don't think there's a more universally accepted rude
act on the planet. It was the FIRST SCENE. And because
of his inability to focus beyond one thought, he
missed THE ENTIRE SCENE that explained what the movie
was about. Now, about the concentration camp
allusion...
Absolutely
fascinating. Seriously. I would have loved to have him
watch the movie and then explain it through his eyes.
His brain isn't based in reality at all and I think
that's kinda badass. I wish he would write more of his
thoughts, because in a million years I wouldn't have
seen that. Talya is Jewish and that comment blew her
away. Her mother is Jewish and come to think of it,
Laura Adler, my casting director friend is also Jewish
and no one could have dreamed of that because they
were able to process the fact that I didn't choose
that shirt for the movie, it was simply what I wore in
2000 when I made the drive to LA. In fact, I wore it
almost nightly while on WTVN!
I'm not sure he
even understood that. However, because he didn't? He
saw an old black and white image of a guy walking into
a dark room wearing an oversized shirt and he flashed
back to concentration camp images. That's unbelievably
fascinating to me. It's like what would happen if you
ate shrooms and watched Finding Nemo. Not the best way
to critique the film, but I bet the creators would
love to hear what you saw. To the point however, of
course that wasn't the point. The room is dark because
I was hiding the fact that it was my living room, and
it was in black and white to differentiate between
intercutting from the video blog stuff, which is in
color. But now that it's in your brain, what do you
see?
Kinda spooky,
right? But again, if this were to even enter your
mind, all you would have to do is listen to the rest
of the scene and you see that not only was it
unintentional - what fucking statement would I be
making if it were? Most people think for a handful of
seconds and realize, that's simply what I thought
was appropriate fashion ten years ago.
Haaaaaaaaaa.
Now you can show your
movie to people, and maybe they will sit through
minutes or hours of pablum for a few seconds of
pleasure. And maybe some of them will think "What's
the deal with the concentration camp scene? Is he
making some kind of statement?"
Yes if they
ignored the entire opening and didn't wait the 4
minutes it takes for the film to be in color, maybe
they will think of a concentration camp. My opinion is
you're a bit sensitive to Jewish issues because of
your heritage and mixed with a severe inability to
focus, you stopped watching, got up and tried to
discuss that with me in the middle of the
scene.
I don't wear my heart, or
my heritage, on my sleeve.
Yes, you clearly
do.
Most times I don't even
wear sleeves. Sure as hell can't spell synagogue
without the message editor's help. So here's my
message to you, Mr. Editor. You can apply your screen
editing expertise and change the color of the
interrogation victim's shirt. That will be a big
improvement. Then you will just be wasting peoples'
time, instead of unintentionally insulting them to
boot.
There's no color
to change, it's black and white. And if I only added
color to the shirt that would be distracting as hell
and everyone would be thinking, "why is only the shirt
in color"? It's a non-issue to begin with, but even if
it were... I'm not sure there's a solution without
reshooting all of those scenes because of how it was
shot.
What's more likely is
that you have already stopped reading, or have
concluded that there is something wrong with me
because I see only negative value in what you
created.
I actually thrive
on the negative stuff so I can learn and improve.
There's actually a documentary about it you should
see. :-)
Or that you are too
self-absorbed to alter your masterwork, even if it is
simply boring and insensitive. I got time to waste on
important stuff, which is why I just sat here and
spent all this time dressing you down. The sleeves
ain't workin' for you, pal.
What I didn't have time
for was another minute of your movie. An industry
professional won't give it five, and you won't be
making any second impressions.
An industry
professional, Laura Adler, was the first person to see
it, was blown away, and is setting up a meeting with
the head of casting at HBO for the second week in
July. How lucky I am that as a Jew, she wasn't
offended by the concentration camp scene. <shakes
head> On top of that, you walked out of the movie
before my work was shown on MSNBC, I was booked on
America's Got Talent, I spent a year nationally on
CBS, did short films on The Price is Right and The
Young and the Restless with my characters, was offered
my own late night show, and got a pilot on Comedy
Central. I do have an inkling of what "industry
professionals" want to see. In fact, I believe with
the resume I just listed you could argue that I'M an
industry professional. Again, the timing of your
comments are impeccable.
Of course, I could be
totally wrong.
Could
be.
The tedium of your life
and the portrayal of it could become a cult classic.
For the brain dead. Or the Skinhead. Write jingles,
edit video, make your beautiful bride a happy women
and have a great life. There's some good imagery I
will carry with me as I walk out of this room. Spare
me the details.
Wow, just caught
the "skinhead" line. Seriously, your timing of
implying I'm anti-Semitic LITERALLY the day after I
propose to a Jewish woman is fucking legendary. Be on
the lookout for the "This is It" Michael Jackson Tour
coming to London in '09.
But given
everything I just mentioned, not thinking about Talya
(who you met) before you made your comment is par for
the course. You don't seem to be capable of focusing
on something without sharing every thought you have,
every second you have it. That's a sign of being
creatively constipated, being on some sort of drugs,
or just being immature in social situations. The last
time I shushed someone for talking that soon into a
movie they were 6. I'm not trying to make a joke here,
that's the truth. It's frustrating for me to witness
because you're really intelligent and see things from
a completely twisted point of view. I would've loved
to have talked to you about the movie. Now I'm
probably never speaking to you again because it's
exhausting to connect with someone who is so
self-centered they can't even sit through the first
scene of a movie.
My hope is that
you look in a mirror for a second and realize that I'm
not the only person who has said this to you and that
unlike most, I haven't responded with hostility as
others may have. In fact numerous friends and family
came up to me completely freaked out because you
introduced yourself to them like you knew them and you
scared them. I explained you were just a a strange
bird that used to listen to my show and I mentioned
that you wrote my closing song. Unfortunately, it
seems they were a better judge of character than I
was.
I'm not the enemy
man, your own head is. I took the time to respond to
everything in this entry because even though your rant
comes off unstable and crazy, I remember the nights we
spent talking on and off the radio in the mid-90s. You
have a lot of talent and a lot of good music to share
so for the good of your own head, share it with some
people already! 'Cause until you do? You're completely
full of shit.
Alright, time to
close another Journey Entry. And there's only one way
to do it, Andy's Closing Song.
Man, those old
pictures bring back some memories. Burg took those in
early 1997. Good times, good tune.
