ENTRY #227
YouTube and Feedback link added 02.11.09
12:48 PM, Monday, December 9th, 2002:
On what could've been the call that would've allowed Jessica to apply for classes on the last possible day, I'm told to that I need to go to school to learn video editing on an Avid. It's these kind of ironies that I used to treat with grandeur in the entries, but now I've simply come to expect.
Jessica now misses the 1st Quarter that she wanted to go. And finally all those "it will happen" people can shut the hell up. LOL. I swear, does everyone live in the clouds? I think it's that everyone takes my logical thinking as "negative". Sometimes logic is negative people. And my ability to see that is what keeps me grounded. As it stands now, I myself would probably have to go to school, pay a helluva lot of money, to even be considered for some of the low-level editing jobs out here. No matter how good my "demo reel" is (and it ain't that good). It's a nice slap in the face. Especially considering I have the raw talent to thrive in so many areas, but I've never chosen one and ran with it.
Radio maybe I did. Whew - the R word. Believe me, it's been bangin' around in my head. Where I used to not want to be back in it, for Jessica I'd do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, as I've said before, this is the #2 market in the world for radio. The best of the best of the best in all positions come here or New York. I'd be lucky if I got a minimum wage gig in radio. I can make more money at a bank or something.
And that's the other thing. All of this just for money, this is not a career thing. That's a completely different issue. It's amazing to me that you can't just do some sort've labor - 40-50 hours a week, and support 2 mouths and a 1 bedroom apartment. I don't care how hard the work is, I just want to be able to look Jessica in the eyes and say she can go to school. And I know she now believes she will have to work for the rest of her life at a job that she hates. If it's not this one, it'll be another restaurant job - and without me bringing in enough to support her, she won't be able to switch gears. And the problem is? In this town? May she be right? If all I really have to show is 5 years of experience in radio - are we going to have to move to another city for it to work?
And in all honesty I do feel blindsided. You come out here with specific cards in your hands, and 2 1/2 years later it's completely reversed. Had I known Jess wanted any of this before - she could've gone to school in Ohio! She didn't know then. That shift is devastating. It makes me feel like a failure in multiple ways now and certainly not the intention of Jessica whatsoever. Now throw in this:
Judy Brown's assistant (Aspen Comedy Festival) dug The Trinitrons tape a lot. I'm in the running yet again. He mentioned that it's so different than what usually gets accepted that my chances are slim, but it's also so well done it will get a big shot. All of which I had assumed well beforehand. It was ignorant of anyone to ever think this was a type of show for Aspen, because it's not. It's so far removed from the normal dramatic/poignant/comedic one man shows out there. It's just funny, it has no depth. It's just a talent show-off. Might be good for a sit-com, but it's almost insulting to other well-written one-man shows. The only thing that keeps it even in the running is the 4tvs concept is just sooooooooooooooooo different.
Charlotte, why on earth did you have to be so insecure? Had you just accepted some of the responsibility for making some bad decisions - we'd still be scheming. But you had to turn it all on me. I can only imagine what you think now, as it's more and more obvious by the day how wrong you were. Boggles the mind what you did to me.
And of course I was married to Burg on December 9th. LOL. Not really a painful day anymore. Just a day to think about it and sigh really. You know if the world was a fair place, you'd put in your "depression" time and be rewarded at the end. Of course in the real-world, you're only rewarded when you're PERKY - and HAPPY - and UP! And Excited! You don't give jobs to the people who REALLY need them. LOL. Man I think of weird things sometimes.
And the greatest of all ironies, today's video. This video should be for the last entry and vice versa. The last video was depressing, when I was happy, and now we have a happy video with a depressing entry. I can't do anything right can I.
Well neither can David Chase so there. Someone needed to die last night in the Sopranos season finale. Period. The show was wonderful, the scenes with Carmella and Tony were some of the best acting I've ever seen. She won the emmy last night NO DOUBT. Period...but Adrianna needed to die. Something. Someone. I know it was expected, but so what. So much of the last episode was "Oh yes...here we go" only for nothing to happen. It's as if we're in the middle of one big 2 year season. All being set up for the final fifth season. And that could very well be, but that was the charm of the first 3 years - they could do both. It was all so well executed before. The seasons all went together, but on their own - they were 13 hour movies. As well as 1 hour movies. Brilliant. Season 4 wasn't.
Oh well.
Still nothing can be more boring than my entries this year. God my entries have SUCKED this year. I started thinking about the year-end video and well... Uhm. LOL. There's nothing. HA. God I'm deliriously depressed apparently. I actually find this funny.
Anyway - I have a nice talk with the Aspen dude later in this week to look foraward to. He seemed incredibly nice.
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