ENTRY #196
YouTube and Feedback link added 02.11.09
 
3:32 PM, Monday, April 22nd, 2002:
 
Well I guess I wasn't being overdramatic last month.
 
 
(sigh). Lemme take ya back a bit. I was Mr. goatee since 1994-1995. Some people look absolutely STRANGE without it, and that would be me. In 1997, I noticed the hair on my goatee was falling out. I had just seperated from my first wife in August/September and by October patches were forming. Then in early 1998 "Palaur" happened, and well - that pretty much did it in. Palaur ended in March and by the end of April, I could no longer grow the bottom half of my goatee. Strangely devestating to me really. I'd rather lose the hair on my HEAD than my face. I wear a hat to SLEEP as it is anyway - LOL.
 
Then in early 2000, nearly 2 years later...it creeped back. And even with the stress of 2000, and everything in between - all was good. In fact I wasn't even sure if what had happened before was stress related. Well, now I'm pretty sure it is. And if 1997/98 is any indication, by the end of this year, I will have such huge patches in my chin, that I will be goatee-less. And there's really not a damn thing I can do about it now. Once the stress has hit, even if it's over, the fallout will occur. CRAZY I tell ya. Totally sucks.
 
So I guess February and March really kicked my ass pretty good. The funny thing is, the hair that's AROUND the fallout patch? It's GREY. LOL. Wow. I'm still a bit stunned really. The whole suicide incident is really screwin' with my head as of late. I just can't believe it. My state of mind now, is ME. The way I've always been. But for a period of 6-8 weeks, I was a completely different person. So stunningly low. And not in the same way a "creative" person like me usually is. It's a known fact that people like me have big highs and big lows. A big dramatic roller coaster. In fact I even like poking fun at how excited I get about shit - I understand it's extreme. And when I'm bummed I BUMMED.
 
But what happen in Febraury and March was different. So close. SOOOO CLOSE. Amazing. And now this. Now I get to be reminded of it with my hair falling out. GREAT. Maybe it'll stay right where it's at and not progress. God I need a vacation from shit right now. What I wouldn't give to hop on a plane and go chill for a week in Columbus. I feel like I've been through a WAR in my body.
 
But life goes on. The Improv thing has been fun. I'm doing the show THIS Wednesday instead of last. Needed more time to get everything prepared. The rehearsals have been quite cool. And I still feel the exact same way I did at the beginning - great for a learning experience, a challenge, all that...but for an audience? Whew. I just personally don't find it all that interesting. But we'll see. Looks like the first show with an audience will be May 8th. Still got some time.
 
MiniCases.com has now become quite hectic. I offered 2 free cases, with $2.99 shipping on one of the GameCube boards online, and HOLY SHIT did people take advantage. My goal here is to get a nice stable of a couple hundred "MiniCasers" and then the normal flow of GameCube titles, will keep me in business. So I did the "2 free" deal basically to hook the kids. HAHA. Then they have to come back to me. Well it's workin'. Got over 20 new customers this weekend alone. A funny thing happened this weekend too. I found that I got the same BUZZ from the "minicases" workin' out as I did with the "Trinitrons" workin' out. !?!!?! How insane is that? I'm starting to see more and more what makes me tick. It's not really performance related. It's doing something no one has ever thought of. Having a great product. Making people happy. It's funny, I guess I've always known that, but Charlotte always fought with me about it. She actually said to me that performance is what makes me happy, not creation. If creation is what made me happy than I would've created when I wasn't performing. LOL. Did she not look at the site? Can you believe that? I remember her typing it in an instant message after a long heated fight, and it was the sign for me to turn off the computer. Here's something I've known about myself for easily over half my life...and here's someone trying to shake my belief in even that!! (sigh)... Anyway, this MiniCases thing is really hitting it home. The fact that I took a negative (having to buy 25 cases when I only needed 3), and turned it into what could be an actual BUSINESS, is completely gratifying. In the same way that 4tvs is gratifying. Kinda puts a whole different spin on this story doesn't it. What is my path in pursuit of happiness?
 
Well I don't really know, but at 26, this is what I've figured out so far: I forever want to do things no one has ever thought of. I want to do things different, better, and completely unique than what came before. So I want my own sitcom? Uhm, not really - but I bet I could change TV a bit. Do I want to make movies? Yes. I think I have a point of view that people would care about if put in that spotlight. But I really think 4tvs is the vehicle to get me to the right place. From The Trinitrons to Adam & The Journey, it's just SUCH a unique way to see a show.
 
Speaking of which, the show has now hit the FINAL stage of what I envisioned 4tvs being in 1999. 4tvs is now on DVD. Because of a video project I'm doing that required the finsihed product on DVD, I had to buy a burner. What was $16,000 when I originally wanted it in 1999, is now $379. Incredible. So now 4tvs is on DVD and Paddy doesn't have to videotape every show - LOL. I was using my DV camera to PLAY the show previously, so he was providing the taping. As well, sadly, yesterday - I did my final Cameron opening. A generic, non-time sensitive opening to play for the rest of the shows. I actually love it, and think it gets to the point a lot faster than the previous efforts. Unfortunately, people never truly apprecated just how cool it was for Cameron to know the actual DATE of the show and talk about it. What took me a good 12 hours extra work each show, was nothing more than "forgettable" to the audience. Not because it was bad mind you, but because there's SOOOO much else going on, the opening is buried. Now to people who saw the show more than once, it was "somewhat" appreciated, but to anyone else - it went RIGHT over their head.
 
The new opening however really solves some fundamental problems I've had with "Live" Adam. I get to set up just what a dick he is, the cell phone is now Adam's not Cameron's, and he comes off like a prick from the get-go. Before there just wasn't enough time to establish Adam's character. This extra scene at the beginning does just that. As well, Adam comes out in the same uniform as the other members, and changes when they change. It was what I originally intended, and I can now finally implement it. It makes some of the other Trinitrons' lines a little more realistic. It as well, helps to define Adam's character a bit more. Just an overall stronger presentation. And pretty much the final piece of The Trinitrons puzzle. Now that it is a static show, I can make the official DVD for the 3 of you that asked for it - LOL. I'll most likely tape the show I do in Columbus when I get back, (y'all better laugh like you're high) and then put it all together. Complete with a director's commentary, outtakes, and a little featurette on the making of process. Very cool stuff. Seriously, it's all for me. The only way this would be something others would want is if I got famous from this, and that's pretty much NOT gonna happen. But C'est La Vie.
 
So there ya go - Adam lost his mind so much in March that he's now losing his hair, and the final piece of the 4tvs dream is now a reality. Balance baby.
 
Adam
 
PS - Oh and just to prove to you that I am cursed with the worst luck when it comes to purchases and customer service? The DVD-Burner people overcharged me by $400. Let's see how long THIS takes to fix...
 
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APRIL 2002
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