ENTRY #194
YouTube and Feedback link added 02.11.09
 
3:58 PM, Friday, April 12th, 2002:
 
That's the only good thing I can take from all this. There was true drama in the last 2 entries. You ALLLLL believed I had this puppy. And that's EXACTLY how I felt. So give a point to "The Journey" for doin' its job.
 
They're looking for someone younger. I assume that 20 would be the MAX. And whereas I can "look" younger, I just don't "act" that young when I'm being myself. Imagine a kid who's 17, 18 NOW. Hell my little brother is closer to that age than I am. MUCH closer. So I honestly, DON'T feel that bad. Seriously, I kicked ASS at the audition - made a good impression, they just want younger. Giddy-up, move on. It's a whole lot easier to move on, when there are 2 beautiful homosexual lovers waiting for you at home.
 
Payin' attention? Heh...
 
But damnit, didn't you all really believe it - just for a second? Didn't you guys close the browser to that entry thinking: "Yeah, he's gettin' THAT". Well welcome to my world. I have a feeling, it's gonna pretty much desensitize me after awhile. I'll stop really believing so strong - and if I ever do book something it'll shock the ever-lovin' hell out of me. At least that's what I hope will happen. Unfortunately, I see these moments as being pretty strung out, leaving me just enough time to stress about each and every one of 'em. But rest assured, unless the part seems PERFECT, I ain't gonna drag it into "The Journey" much more than a paragraph. I don't want each entry to become a string of auditions. Nothing could be more boring than that. I should expect to go on dozens and dozens of audtions without a dime to show for 'em. That's the life of an actor. (sigh). You already know exactly what I'm about to say, so I'll just move on. LOLOL.
 
Now, to what many of you have been asking for the past few days - "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND CHARLOTTE?!?!" LOL. Yeah, it's pretty strange ain't it. It really hit me when I called her after the audition yesterday to tell her how it went. We're all happy and shit on the phone. I mean, 4 weeks ago, we couldn't sit in the same friggin' restaurant without one of us walking out (me). And now it's nothin' but smiles, if for just 4 minutes and 27 seconds. So surreal. I've drawn a pretty funny comparison:
 
You get a divorce, then 4 weeks after it's final, you find out she's pregnant. Throws quite wrench into things. Now if she miscarries, well - you go back to where you were before, but if she actually has it - who KNOWS what will happen.
 
In this case, there was a miscarriage. On pretty much the last thing Charlotte submitted me for, it seemed we had something, and then it fell through - so we're right back to where we were to begin with...or are we? I'll say that the time away has been helpful to both of us. it's allowed us to be able to talk civilly and find that there is still a core of "goodness" in our relationship. But she's still not my manager, and I'm still not her client. We've decided that we're gonna do our own thing for 3 or 4 months and then see where we are. There's still fundamental problems between us and we both know it. We're very, very drained. My gut tells me, that the fact that we're still on speaking terms after ALL THIS SHIT, shows that I'll probably be involved with Charlotte in one way or the other for a very long time. Even if it's NEVER a manager/client relationship, there will be contact. The best part of that is ther eis no "conclusion" to "The Trinitrons". Our effort has not been a failure, it's just gonna take some time. Somehow, someway - that friggin' 30 minutes is gonna make a BIG difference in both of our lives. By not completely disolving our relationship, we've kept that a possibility. Very strange, but so is Hollywood.
 
So there's not a whole helluva lot to say now. Still looking for my 2 minute comedy monologue for tomorrow, that should be interesting. And it's certainly not lost on me that we're inching closer and closer to Entry #200. (sigh). You just know it's gonna suck. LOL. The chances of it being worthy news for such a monumental entry are slim to none...but you never know. At least it's something to look forward to. And that alone is what will keep me going.
 
Adam
 
original video file
 
APRIL 2002
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