- 4:44 PM,
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005:
-
- So in my medical
opinion, shock therapy has a few problems. LOL.
-
- Shades finally IMd
me on Monday with a link to some random movie. ?!?! My
response was "I guess you're alive..." She said she
was, and I told her I couldn't get the mp4
to run at work and that was the end of it. (sigh). Why
I worry about people so beyond me. Seems no one
has an ounce of responsibility to those that are
concerned. The next day the following occured (read
slowly, the tone change is, well, insane):
-
-
- Shades:
:-P
- Adam4tvs:
hey hey
- Shades:
whats up buttercup?
- Adam4tvs:
editing
- Adam4tvs:
;-)_
- Shades: me
too LOL
- Shades:
did you see anything on the calendar
you want to cover?
- Adam4tvs:
i dont see the goal....
- Adam4tvs:
i mean if you need me to help you
out
- Adam4tvs:
and get some clips for your
project
- Adam4tvs:
i'll totally help
- Shades:
the goal is whatever you
wish
- Adam4tvs:
but unless you know some people that i
can actually meet with
- Shades:
I'm just offering you what's out
there
- Adam4tvs:
well like meeting with the black eyed
peas could actually
help
- Adam4tvs:
or even meeting a
manager
- Shades:
what is it you want from me
exactly?
- Adam4tvs:
dunno
- Adam4tvs:
i think we can help each other
out
- Shades:
well when you figure it out let me
know
- Adam4tvs:
?
- Shades:
I'm not a mind reader
- Adam4tvs:
well for example - the black eyed peas
thing
- Shades:
you know my situation and
deadlines
- Adam4tvs:
it...never happened
- Shades:
yeah ?
- Adam4tvs:
i dont know what
happened
- Adam4tvs:
or why it didnt...
- Shades:
what do you mean ?
- Adam4tvs:
you told me we would meet with
them
- Shades:
Polo wants to go out with me
romanatically
- Adam4tvs:
then you said it would be at his office
the next monday
- Adam4tvs:
and then it was...
- Shades:
that's not what I fucking
said
- Adam4tvs:
i have the voicemail
Shades
- Shades: I
said he was supposed to fly back that
monday
- Adam4tvs:
you said we'd meet at his office on
monday
- Shades:
look adam
- Adam4tvs:
lol
- Shades: I
don't like your tone with
me
- Adam4tvs:
!??
- Shades:
Polo and the boys are personal
friends
- Shades: if
they are in town I can see them whever
I feel like it
- Shades:
that doesn't mean I have to take you or
anyone else with me
- Shades: it
is not my life mission to fulfill your
dreams, I have my own
- Shades: I
have my own priorities
- Shades:
and I've been very upfront with
you
- Adam4tvs:
i'm only repeating verbatim what you
said to me Shades
- Adam4tvs:
verbatim
- Adam4tvs:
i saved all the IMs, all the
voicemails
- Shades: I
feel like you're insulting my integrity
and I don't fucking like it one
bit
- Shades:
with my permission?
- Adam4tvs:
?
- Shades:
don't you think that's a bit
invasive?
- Shades: I
sure do
- Adam4tvs:
no it's so when you said I was crazy -
I'd know i wasnt
- Adam4tvs:
lol
- Shades: I
see
- Adam4tvs:
i've had many people accuse me of
that
- Shades:
well good luck adam
- Shades:
I'm done
- Adam4tvs:
fair enough
- Shades:
good luck
- Shades: so
what's your n ext step to trash
me?
- Shades:
hmm?
- Shades:
seems to be your
pattern
- Adam4tvs:
you said you're done
Shades
- Adam4tvs:
i have nothing but compassion for
you
- Shades:
right
- Adam4tvs:
it's why i came to talk to you
friday
- Adam4tvs:
not see what I could get from you if
you died
- Shades:
personally I think you're being a
jerk
- Adam4tvs:
ok
- Adam4tvs:
i dont know what to say
- Shades: do
you think introducing you to the bep is
my top priority?
- Shades: do
you not realize I have other shit going
on?
- Shades: I
mean really man
- Adam4tvs:
i've been nothing but compassionate
towards you and until THIS moment...
you've been nothing but compassionate
towards me
- Shades: I
barely know you
- Adam4tvs:
i'm not going to fight with you Shades
- Adam4tvs:
if you're angry and want to move on,
ok.
- Shades: I
don't do well when people question my
character adam
- Shades:
I'm not fighting
- Shades:
I'm voicing opinions
- Shades:
and boundaries
- Adam4tvs:
there's nothing to
voice
- Adam4tvs:
on my end
- Shades: oh
really?
- Shades:
LOL whatever
- Adam4tvs:
i have no idea where this is coming
form
- Shades:
you just started in questioning my
integrity and character as to why I
haven't set up a meeting
yet
- Shades:
and you know exactly what m y
priorities have been health
wise
- Shades:
I've been very direct and
upfront
- Shades:
and I'm quite tired or users and
parasites
- Shades:
that's my opinion
- Shades:
and at this point, I'm becoming quite
tired
- Adam4tvs:
ok
- Shades:
I've covered every expense while you've
been around me
- Shades:
from driving to food to
whatever
- Shades:
and I just feel like you're asking a
bit much
- Shades:
then to question why it hasn't
happened
- Shades:
with their schedule and
mine
- Adam4tvs:
that's like me bringing up camcorder
renting fees for how long you've had my
equipment Shades
- Adam4tvs:
come on
- Shades:
personally I think you're living in a
dream world adam
- Adam4tvs:
ok
- Adam4tvs:
i won't fight
- Shades: I
never agreed to rent your
camera
- Shades:
I'll leave it at the door, it wasn't
working anyway
- Shades:
anything else adam?
- Shades:
let's finish this
- Adam4tvs:
i really, really, really hope you're ok
Shades
- Adam4tvs:
i've been worried about you since
saturday
- Shades:
what do I owe you for the camera
adam
- Shades:
how much?
- Shades:
how much?
- Adam4tvs:
?
- Shades:
since most people like you see me just
as a fucking bank
- Shades:
how much money do I fucking owe you for
the camera rental?
- Shades:
let's hear it
- Adam4tvs:
Shades, it was a comparison for you
bringing up GAS money
- Shades:
how much?
- Adam4tvs:
i just want my stuff back and want to
give you a hug - lol
- Adam4tvs:
you need it
- Shades:
send your address and a bill and Eric
will take care of it
- Adam4tvs:
why you can't give it to
me?
- Shades:
you'll get it back
- Adam4tvs:
ok
- Shades: I
don't steal
- Adam4tvs:
i didnt say you did!
- Shades: I
have no desire to be around any
negativity
- Adam4tvs:
neither, do, I...
(irony
of the fuckin' day -
lol)
- Shades: do
you have anything else you feel I OWE
YOU?
- Adam4tvs:
i don't want to participate in this IM
Shades
- Adam4tvs:
it saddens the hell out of
me
- Shades:
answer the question and we're done
believe me
- Shades: I
don't have time for this kind of
crap
- Adam4tvs:
then stop typing
|
-
- I think the
ability to save IMs may be the only reason I'm still
in LA. If I didn't have that conversation to look
back on I would second-guess myself forever. Now
of course, there's absolutely none of that. I've
already moved onto compassion for her.
-
- It was pretty
obvious right away that there were intense
"issues" with her. Of course only time would tell
just how encompassing it was and it ended up to be
overbearing. It was never more obvious than how she
went CRAZY with the videoblogging group to the point
of them asking her to leave. She created more drama in
a matter of hours than my whole year combined. This
guy was trying to "ruin her", this guy was starting a
letter writing campaign, the women in the group were
banding together demanding she was let back in - all
the while, the message board is public...and not a
damn thing was there. LOL. And she just kept going. To
the point of me actually asking her:
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Move on." It was
unfathomable to me how someone as important as she
claims to be could waste soooooooooo much time
fighting with a bunch of computer geeks playing with
webcams. And that's not meant to offend them! I'm that
same computer geek (I just have a better camera -
lol).
-
- Then of course the
Black Eyed Peas event was a disaster. I get off
work early, race to meet her and she calls to say she
won't make it. Then she says we won't be able to meet
with them afterwards, we'll hook up the following day
- or at the latest at Polo's office (tour manager) on
Monday. Then proceeded to tell me to ask the celebs on
the red carpet the questions for her project. (sigh).
I literally felt like I ran blindly into a room
and a guy with a baseball bat took me out. LOL. It was
obvious what was happening, but I was already there so
I got the footage and questions she needed. Of
course that was the end, she had no access to the show
- but as I said in that entry, there was no way
in hell I wasn't sneaking into that event.
I was able to get a wristband and made the most
of the situation and had a blast.
-
- As I said in the
IM - the meeting just never took place and
I didn't say a word. By the weekend, Monday
turned into "they're leaving on Monday" and
I just played along. Then she said I would
do some interviews while I was back in Columbus.
And, uhm - so that never happened either. But again,
throughout all of this her issues were in the
forefront of EVERY conversation and the last
thing I was going to do was accuse her of not
keeping her word, but that was plain to see. Whether
she was just that forgetful or never had the
connections she claimed, the result was the
same.
-
- She did however
certainly have the ability to get a press pass to a
red carpet and wanted me to go to all sorts of events
and ask more questions for her project. Honestly, I
was happy to do it but as I said in the IM,
I didn't really see the goal for me. It felt like
she was dangling "celebrity" over my head as if that
was the perk. Zzzzzzzzzz. It makes for fun entries,
but after 6 years...fuck that. LOL.
-
- And then the
song.
You'll all think this is just a bunch of random,
mental non-sequitors but amazingly every single line
means something. And since this is locked damnit - no
one will ever get it. LOL. Hopefully at some point
this will be open. Check this out:
-
- I think I'll
write a book today,
-
her projects were this random, a book being one
of them.
- If you mix
white & black it's gray,
-
symbolic of every moment of our
relationship.
- Maybe I'll
wear your black beret,
-
tried on my hat and pondered if she should wear
one.
- You know Tom
Cruise is really gay,
-
at the vloggercue she passed on her expertise
here.
-
- I'm
everywhere at such a pace,
-
seemingly the busiest person you'd ever
know.
- I haven't
even left this place,
-
literally never seemed to leave her
house.
- I really
like how thai food tastes,
-
had Thai food friday night, she loves it - it
was pretty good.
- I bought a
new DVD
Case,
- she bought a new case for her DVD -
lol.
-
- I think that
clothing line is FAB,
-
meeting with Fabrice about his clothing
line.
- This
hammer's really good to stab,
-
she picked up a hammer and told me it was a
good weapon.
-
- You'll
win a grammy maybe two,
-
actually said I'd win a grammy in an
IM.
- All you
really have to do,
- Is ask
these questions
to...everyone,
- just stand on endless red carpets asking
my questions.
- Such fun,
they're stars, drive really fancy cars
-
my take on how in love with celebrities she
is.
- ...some
are green,
-
ok, so this was just random funny.
Heh.
-
- My credits
take up half the show,
- her
vlogs are like 75% of the same credits for each
entry.
- I need a
card so I can grow,
- she
has a medical marijuana card, wants the card to
grow it.
- I've really
never been so low,
-
self-explanatory, and really sad
actually...
- Turtles are
good to eat you know,
- she
had those chocolate/carmel turtle candies.
Mmmmm.
-
- I signed a
deal yesterday,
- she
told me she signed a distrbution deal in
Vegas.
- I never said
we'd meet Monday,
-
again, self-explanatory - although this just
annoys me...heh.
- Polo's a
game I like to play,
-
OUCH. Leveraging someone's affection to further
you? Tsk, tsk.
- Seagulls
took my whole life away,
-
masked allusion to the celebrity that destroyed
her business.
-
- That sandy
mark has ruined me,
- masked
allusion to a videoblogger, that was actually quite
nice
- Don't they
know I produce TV...
- she'd
oftentimes say "don't they know who
I AMMM?!?!"
-
- I'll win
the oscar filming you,
-
actually said she'd win an oscar in an
IM.
- All you
really have to do,
- Is ask
these questions
to...everyone,
- just stand on endless red carpets asking
my questions.
- Such fun,
they're stars, drive really fancy cars
-
my take on how in love with celebrities she
is.
- ...I like
Pizza...
- an
allusion to "Multiplicity" and my favorite movie
character. LOL
-
- So as you can see,
that friggin' song took my ass FOREVER. LOL.
I really hate that the best stuff has to be
locked. What a perfect example of "Journey Songs".
Taking an entry and writing the perfect song to say
what you need to. And if not so heartbreaking - what a
great little adventure for a month. Crazy city
huh?
-
- I say
heartbreaking because you'd better believe I was
pretty bummed after the IM. No matter HOW obvious it
was that I needed to get away from her, even
writing the entry with those concerns right before -
it still suckes to feel like you've closed a door that
you could've kept open. It certainly felt like the
person I needed to introduce me to the right
people. Contacts were the one thing Charlotte simply
didn't have, and unfortunately Shades really didn't
even have that.
-
- Final thought here
- it's amazing what a city of people that don't keep
their word...actually does to the community. If no one
keeps their word, why should you? Had she been dealing
with anyone else, this probably wouldn't have blown up
so quick. But because I hold people accountable,
and keep my OWN word so loyally - her
nonchalantness was even more glaring. Hell and even
then I never brought it up until she got pissy in the
IM. Most people are so concerned that their own
integrity will be called into play they never rock the
boat...but I actually have integrity. If
you say something, I will expect you to honor it.
Again, I'm almost embarrassed for how long I let
it go - but when you've been here this long the last
thing you want to do is pre-maturely lose an
opportunity. God that's so empty.
-
- So many lessons to
be learned. What a story.
-
- Adam
|
