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for me!)
4:34 PM,
Wednesday, June 18, 2008:
<Exhale>
Whew. What could have been a national humiliation is
only a humiliation in my own heart as I lived the
week and the ensuing dramas. As of today however I am
not unlocking the "HG Revelation" entry
from last February because no matter how true, how
unbelieveable, how painful, how badly I want
people to know what I've been through... it doesn't
feel right to release it. It's just so damning
for her and I don't want to add to what is already a
difficult time for her. It's time to heal and get out
of this freaking month. The painful anniversary on
Friday and I can finally start to really put this
behind me.
Now
the show actually turned out incredibly.
Both Donna and I came off incredibly
natural, funny and attractive. Though (in
the irony of all ironies to those who know
the contents of the"Really" entry) Donna
was way too made up on the first
day of shooting and it kinda takes you
aback a bit. At least it does me. Donna
needs hardly any make-up, even on
TV. She did her own make-up the rest of
the time and looked fine.
I
threw together the open and close for
those who missed the show. Tells the story
pretty good for only being 6 minutes or
so. Crazy thing? Check out the opening
"interview" video in comparison to the
regular show when it comes to my weight.
THIRTY pound difference. So cool
they caught that.
It is all a giant
relief for me as I had... man there's just no way to
explain this without getting into those details. Damn.
Imagine all the normal drama associated with us, now
imagine how she felt having an entire TV show filmed
around her for a week, then imagine her leaving me the
next day for some reason. LOL. There, that
kinda touches on it. My concern was that
something would be evident in the show that would
really sting. That and editing can do anything. The
only thing strange was they audibly edited a
"say" into the first time I speak so I go:
"My wife say we need new window treatments." ?!!? I
didn't say that. LOL. But again, the editing didn't
sting me, but what did... was just how sincerely happy
I was at the end. Ugh.
As bad as it was
every day that week and as much as I knew what was
coming from Donna in a matter of hours - when I opened
my eyes and saw the room... for a moment I believed
again. Funny how that is. When you love someone almost
anything positive can be a reason to keep trying. And
what better place to start than the bedroom. Uhm, that
sounded wrong - heh. I meant just a loving place.
When I hug
her at the end - it's a different type
of Adam hug. When I say what she painted was
"gorgeous" it's clear that it's from my
heart. That really surprised me when
I saw it after all this time. So there
was indeed a touch of sadness as I remember
just how vividly I loved her. I'm proud that
I have the capcity for love with all that
I've been through. It's a source of strength
for me.
Of course the geek
in me is totally bummed that I don't have the HD feed
of HGTV and that the majority of you saw it before me
'cause I also don't have the east coast feed - AND
it's not being replayed. What the hell is that? It
must just not be that popular of a show because all
the other shows are played constantly but this
is one half-hour show a week, and next week it's a new
episode. maybe in a couple months it'll be back on -
but if ya missed it, this
is all ya
got.
I also found it
very cool that there was mention of the things I got
in Japan. That has to be so surreal for the longtime
readers of this Journey. This
series I
did 3 years ago somehow becomes more real to the
average reader when they turn on their TVs and see
what I did with those trinkets after reading about it
so many years back. That's why I was so excited about
anything getting on TV because it allowed
people to connect everything on a different level.
Just kinda rounds out the story, rounds out The
Journey.
The room did
indeed turn out very nice although someday
I imagine another woman will walk in, hate it,
and the whole thing will start over. Oh and notice
they didn't show an outside shot at the end? To this
day they still have not painted the outside where the
stucco was done so there's that big off color circle
around the windows. Brilliant. Five months later and I
have been fighting with them forever. I cannot believe
the show has aired and they've still done nothing. And
I don't really have a course of action 'cause ya can't
take legal action against a free house re-design. Heh.
Apparently getting that color is difficult without
voiding a warranty? Whatever.
But i'm happy with
the result and strangely I actually laughed out loud
at a few of my lines that I had forgotten. I could
sense where the theme was with me and I happily played
"bachelor dude" even though say, the "bed in the bag"
was bought by Jess and we both thought it was fine. It
was freaking 2000, we had no money. LOL. Good
times.
Alright - please
send out good vibes for next week, I have
to hear something about CBS by then.