This
review is absolutely spoiler-free.
Seriously, it's more vague than the
trailers and will not ruin your
experience in the least. Promise
ya...
I show
you this cover for my 2000 release to
prove that I am not a biased source...
about anything. I never have been. Maybe
it's the libra in me but I have no problem
calling it like it is even if my heart
wants to only see the good in something. I
was a total nerd/geek/fan when I went to
Phantom Menace nearly 10 years ago, but
when the lights went down - I took in
the film and thought it blew. Now
I did enjoy parts of it, there were
some good action scenes and some cool
effects whatnot, but it was mostly
atrocious. Direction is not Lucas'
strongsuit.
Now
I trust Spielberg's direction and
Ford's power on-screen and knew
no matter what I would enjoy the
ride... but in the back of my
mind I was very concerned that
this would be an old man on a
green-screen set looking as out
of place as CG in an Indy film.
Yes, I was a nerd/geek/fan
leading up to it (hard to call
yourself a critic when you
dressed up like "Adamana
Jones" the day before), but
when those lights went down, I
folded my hands in my lap and
watch intently as Spielberg and
Ford stuck their hands in my
childhood and risked destroying a
franchise that resonates with
nearly every person my
age...
...and
they nailed it. It was exactly what
it was supposed to be, and I think I
smiled ear to ear the entire film. There
is such a love for the genre and time
period that it oozes out of every scene.
It is exactly what Indiana Jones
would be if set in 1957 and it is
absolutely magical to be able to spend 2
hours in his world again. Roger Ebert has
said it best so far today when he said
(well, wrote anyway):
"I
can say that if you liked the other
Indiana Jones movies, you will like
this one, and that if you did not,
there is no talking to
you."
It is
absolutely true. So everyone like me who
has been anxiously waiting... relax. It's
exactly what you want. It is another
wonderful tale about some supernatural
item and the powers that be wanting a
piece of it. It's actually, even more to
tell you the truth, but I will not
spoil anything like other reviewers.
Jesus, I read the reviews after I saw the
movie and why the hell does every reviewer
think they need to have a plot synopsis?
!??! It's ridiculous and helps no
one. Critics seem to feel it necessary
to defend their points by giving away
spoilers and it's more than unecessary. If
you liked some lines, you don't need to
reprint them. If you thought it dragged,
just say you thought it dragged. If you
liked the effects, say you liked the
effects. Describing said effects or plot
points, especially for a movie this
shrouded in secrecy, is lazy writing. I'll
get into specifics about some of the bad
reviewers later...
I got
to Paramount a ridiculous 90 minutes early
and of course... Jim was already there.
Ha. We seemed to be on the same page about
the Indy movies in general and then just
shot the shit about CBS and the headaches
trying to get Living Room Live and The
Egos back off the ground. Around 3:15 we
were able to check in and we got our
tickets. (Front/Back):
Nice
cool little souvenirs to hang onto. Saw
Eric Moro in line and he thought it was
quite funny that our jaunt on the Fox set
was 8 years ago to the week. Once
in - the theater was just gorgeous. No 25
seat jobbie like we had for "Titan A.E.",
this was 530 seat theater and the most
comfortable seats you've ever been in.
They had the whole Williams' score goin'
while we sat and waited - and in perfect
CBS fashion... in walks Larry King. I say
CBS because the last time I saw Larry
was when Nanci offered me "Up
& Adam" and to add to the
surrealism of that moment Larry walked by.
Otherwise, celebrity free. So blah, blah,
blah - the movie:
The first
frame made me laugh out loud and the
camerawork and care taken to the simplest of
scenes won me over before the opening credits
even ended. The infamous "Indy opening" is as
memorable and enjoyable as any of the 3 films
and now that I think of it actually takes it
to another level. It's just pure
unadulterated fun and only the most pathetic
of humans could critique some portion they
find unrealistic or hokey. It's fucking
Indiana Jones. The Lost Ark transformed an
army of peeps into dusty jello and Indy and
Marion survived by closing their eyes. Either
enjoy the movie or shut up already. Sorry,
getting to the critics later.
The main
plot is handled with the same techniques and
devices as the previous movies and
I assume the under-25 crowd might be a
bit frustrated that more things aren't
blowing up but to anyone who actually enjoys
the pacing of Indy films, it really won't
even occur to you. I was actually interested
in seeing all that had happened in the past
20 years and was invested in the main story.
I was taking in the details of the world
and enjoying the performances. As I said
before, it's exactly what Indiana
Jones should be in 1957. It actually had
more action in it than I expected and
a great deal of it was stunt, not CG,
oriented.
That's not
to say this didn't have its' share of
computer wizardry but for the most part it
was appropriately placed. Rarely did they use
it to "cheat" as was the case with the Star
Wars prequels that relied on it ad nauseum.
Basically, in the places where there were
special effects in the 80s Indy films, there
were CG effects here. Almost every
camera shot however seemed "feasible".
Probably my biggest pet peeve in 21st century
films. The flying "video game" camera that
turns a movie into a cartoon. That being said
there are a handful of moments that I wish
they would've gone "80s" on and attempted
completely with stunt-work but honestly, I
was too busy having fun to give a
shit.
And
that really is the entire point of this
movie. It's an Indiana Jones movie.
Meaning, the Star Wars prequels were NOT
Star Wars movies, this absolutely is
Indiana Jones. It is completely in line
with the other Indy sequels. I'm a "1, 3,
2" guy when it comes to ranking the first
3 and this is easily better than 2 and on
a second viewing may be better than 3. 1
obviously stands apart because it was so
new but it doesn't necessarily mean it's
better. Kinda like comparing swigs of beer
on a hot day. First swig is always the
shit - but technically it's no better than
the 3rd swig. It's all in your head.
However, if you lack the ability to have
fun - that apparently makes you a film
critic.
And
heeeeeeeere we go:
Now
the majority of the first 20 reviews on
Rotten Tomatoes are great, but of course
I chose to read the bad ones out of
curiosity. (BTW - don't read shit
until you see it. Christ they give
EVERYTHING away) Anyway the critiques of
the film are simply put: confusing. To
nearly every issue my response is: "Have
you ever seen an Indiana Jones film
before?". One in particular bitches about
it being too familiar and having no real
sense of danger because you know Indy is
gonna make it. Uh-huh... That's kinda what
I'm looking for. That's why he's the
hero. See, to me - this is like The
Beatles doing one more song (2 actually)
in 1995 for the Anthology... and then
someone bitching because they didn't grow
musically. That person was never a fan to
begin with - and as Ebert wrote above,
then there's nothing else to say to you.
Good day sir.
I mean,
how 'bout this quote? "Indiana
Jones—let's be honest—never was
a memorable movie character." Yeah.
That was published
today
and will be printed in the Chicago
tribune. Here's that guy's email btw -
mjphillips@tribune.com
-
LOL - I mean, really? And I'm
unemployed. Ha. And this shit about what's
realistic? Oh my fricking christ. Yes,
Indiana at 66 would most likely not
survive this movie, but go fuck yourself
if that thought ever entered your mind.
Seriously, just take one for the team and
stick a fist up your ass because you're an
unloveable prick that probably waxed
poetic about "No Country for Old Men". I'm
waiting for someone to ask how his hat
stayed on the whole time.
Godddddddddddamnit.
So,
I'm done here. Oh and Shia was great. As I
mentioned in the last entry I think the
kid's totally a natural and has impeccable
screen presence. He more than held his own
on-screen with Harrison who was
also just wonderful. The face he
makes when he first sees... (they even
show her in the trailer, and I won't dare
spoil it!) ...anyway, may be one of his
finest moments on film. It's just
perfect. As is quite a bit of the
film. Sure it misses a couple times, but
you wait about 5 seconds and it's replaced
with more fun. So go to the theater with a
big bag of popcorn and watch how quickly
you start smiling, and thank your lucky
stars they didn't destroy Indy the same
way they destroyed Star Wars.
