(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
8:15 PM, Tuesday,
May 6th, 2008:
I mean really. Of
all the people who should've known better - I book my
flight in the evening during the fucking
primaries. I'm in the air right now and the polls
have now closed in both states and they've probably
already declared the winners but my ass won't
know for another 2 hours until I land in Denver. Weak.
Not too bummed though as I really just don't feel
there's gonna be any surprises. There haven't been
since New Hampshire 4 months ago really. It's all just
a super-delegate game now and somehow Obama is still
whoopin' on her in that category. How does the man
gain 22 supers to her 10 after Pennsylvania? I
feel for Clinton though - her campaign is finally
being run correctly and it's basically too late. Send
Mark Penn a shit sandwich girl. Like seriously - shit
between two slices of bread and hand deliver it to his
mouth because your ass got beat by a black guy with a
muslim name. LMAO. Classic.
Oh and quick
political note here - the gas tax thing is
brilliant politics. You think Hillary doesn't
know it's bullshit? Of course she does. But guess
whose biggest weakness is being an "elitist" whose out
of touch with the working class? And guess who
responded to it by saying it would only save people on
average $30? What a stupid fucking response. LOL. What
would you rather have: $30 or $0? Hell even his
response is elitist. We're all drowning
in gas prices and his ass is like - you don't need
this inner-tube...it'll only keep you afloat for one
day. LOL. Now of course - OBAMA IS RIGHT.
And he was able to show one of his strengths in
explaining the gimmicks of politics but it seems to be
too little too late... then again he may have just won
both states, so what do I know?
Sorry,
sorry - I don't want this to be a
political entry, I'll save more thoughts
for later. My brother from another mother,
Kenny, brought his motorcycle over and we
ended up making a strange
video
to add the cherry to what has been the
strangest trip back home I've ever known.
Never have I been more isolated, more
withdrawn or more of a wreck. Thank GOD
this ends in a week and not another
month. Oh - that entry is locked ain't
it... quick rundown:
Donna
only wants to stay a month so next week
the whole cycle starts again and
unfortunately it seems little has changed
on her end from what I can tell in her
letter. I really just can't be sure
because a letter, though romantic in a
sense, is so devoid of connection. She may
just be putting a spin on things to get
by, I just don't know.
As I said a couple
entries back, I indeed miss her terribly but I'm
concerned that this is another opportunity for her to
"run" and not necessarily the soul searching she
needed. It's an unfortunate pattern that is completely
a result of just how painful her issues are to deal
with. And although I'm understanding, as I mentioned
before - once it became dangerous to her health there
was no more hiding. Of course since I'm stuck trying
to read between the lines...well, it's just absolutely
excruciating. One thing is certain... this cycle can't
continue much longer.
Speaking of cycles
- I know you should be all concerned about your little
brother getting a motorcycle at 18 but I gotta say,
it's pretty cool. Ha. Like you're hard pressed as a
fellow guy to not give a big knowing smile to
him and shake your head in approval. I only rode with
him at 20 mph on a residential street for the video
(thus the lack of helmet don't get all finger-shaky at
me, I could've jumped off) because with my luck that's
the way I would go. Its not a "tempt the fates" moment
in Journey history. The fates will win. Cool
pic:
The song is
"Motorcade" by Beck. I love having my entire CD
collection on my harddrive now. Nothing like searching
keywords in song titles and finding all sorts of fun
little ditties to make movies by.
And finally,
I have to thank one Brendan Murphy personally and
publically for simply making me feel human Sunday
night. Brendan has been a friend since grade school
and we've kept in touch throughout from time to time.
Donna and I visited his family last September and we
had a great time. The reason for the gratitude is he
reacted with honest disbelief, sincerity and all-out
amazement at what the past few months have held and I
believe it's the only time I've been able to tell the
story of Donna without any pre-conceived ideas from
short phone calls or pieces on the net since he hadn't
followed it. It allowed me a true comparison of
"normal" and really showed me just how
incredibly difficult things have been and how
well I've floated amongst it all and kept going.
Brendan has a great family with 2 kids and one on the
way, yet we still throw a football in the backyard and
it feels like being a teenager 'cause from 20 yards we
look identical to 1990. Heh. By the way - try throwing
a football to someone while they throw a frisbee to
you at the same time, then catching it - 15 times in a
row from 15-20 yards at dusk. I'm not saying it's
hard, but I'm honestly just curious if it's hard for
anyone else because we were pathetic. Something
about being in "throw mode" and then switching to
"catch mode" without seeing the follow through of your
initial throw that is just fuuuuuuuuucked. Heh.
That or we're in our 30s. One of the two.
;-)
But again, thanks
man - I know it probably didn't seem like much but I
walked out of your house feeling like the strongest
most resilient human being on the planet. You really
need that from time to time ya know? You really need
someone to say: "Wow, that sounds like a fucking
movie, I cannot imagine how you're processing this" to
allow you to pat yourself on the back and be kind to
yourself. I will probably look back on this period as
one of the hardest of my life and for some reason
knowing that in the moment can sometimes give
you a little boost.
So my strangest
trip back home finally ends. Ha - I just typed that I
pray I never return to Columbus single again and then
erased it because of what it implied. LMAO. No, I just
don't want to be in limbo. My heart certainly wasn't
single no matter the situation and that's what
brought on the misery. At least the lonely bed tonight
will be... (sigh) ours.
