(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
3:48 PM, Thursday, April 24th, 2008:
Illinois - Obama Country.
Well I figured I'd wrap everything up with randoms. That way I can get the mac-heads off me.
1) You know, people that have never responded more than a sentence in 8 years of this thing sent me pages upon pages on why their beloved mac is better. You're not helping your "cult" stereotype too much fellas. I've read it all. What I think you're missing is that it's an argument of worth. At Serendipity in New York there's a $1000 ice cream sundae. They use the absolute greatest ingredients ever. I will argue that it isn't worth it. You can get just as much satisfaction out of a $5 sundae - but believing the more expensive one is better makes it feel better. I'm sure you can argue the sundae really is better... but is it $1000 better? That's the argument. There's a line at some point where it stops mattering. Like the Spitzer Escort - what was that $5000 an hour? There's nothing you can do to me for $5000 that will ever be worth $5000 unless you blow me while handing me a $5000 check. <---- LOL. Seriously the best orgasm in the world doesn't hold limitless value. I stand by my original point - I can do so much more with 1/2 the money on a PC that mac doesn't even enter the picture. I worked for 5 years on a mac (thankfully or you fuckers would've gone apeshit) and nothing is screaming 3x the price. And remember I do majority video/audio work - your experience may differ. The only argument that made any sense was a guy who works on computer recommending macs so he doesn't have to constantly reformat his friends/family's harddrives because of idiots who get viruses. I've never had a virus 'cause I know the ropes a bit but I do understand this rationale. Heh. I must admit, this is a far more fun argument than war or abortion. Bring it on.
2) Rainy Road Randoms. So man we really got into some bad shit in Oklahoma/Missouri. Our original plan was to get to St. Louis last night but it was so dark and the rain was so hard we just chilled in Springfield. Somehow we stayed at this lodge for $15 a piece - some great deals on the road man. The rain was pretty intense though - been a long time since I've seen lightening storms that cool.
3) Oh and let's get this out of the way - losing Pennsylvania sucked... but it doesn't change the race. Unfortunately if you look ahead, Obama will be the same place he is now in 6 weeks. 'Bout 150 delegates ahead - and no upsets in the states. He'll win North Carolina, Indiana is a toss-up but won't help either candidate 'cause the split will be nearly identical... she has West Virgina and Kentucky, he's got the rest of the states - and she has Puerto Rico. Done. You look at the estimates and nothing changes. He'll be right under 100 supers shy of 2025 and she'll be around 250 shy. Even if the supers all go to him? She'll still take it to the convention. Yup, even if he's at 2030 - she'll go to the convention and absolutely SHOULD. This race is very close. Now had he pulled off Texas and Ohio we wouldn't even be having this conversation - but since everything held serve? You have to go into the convention and prove your side. I'd rather be in his shoes than hers. He's got more pledged and popular votes (even though she'll try to count Florida and Michigan). The only way any of this changes? If one candidate wins out. If Hillary wins out? The supers go to her in droves because then his delegate lead is under 100 - and they can push it one way. And clearly he's done something pretty disasterous if this happens. I mean if the "kitchen sink" hasn't worked so far, I can't imagine what will. But the Obama supporters have to realize she is now more than in the right to continue. You can't whine when she keeps winning these big contests...
4) Speaking of rain... we were speaking of rain right? Rain almost killed our short fillm, but we indeed pulled it off. The final "road" entry will be premiering the short film "My Own Naked Jesus". I will look back on this trip with fond memories, no doubt. It's funny - I have to do something rather ballsy (I'm sure you can imagine) and I was letting out a sigh of relief that it was raining - and then it cleared up. Heh. That's the cool thing though - I felt like I was letting The Journey down because I mentioned we were doing it - and I couldn't whimp out with something in my control. I can't fathom how different my life would be without The Journey. it's a lot to ponder.
5) As is everything on the road man. Here's my newest theory I've been pondering. So many relationships have a little bit of fear in 'em. I was listening to "Golddigger", the verse about the black chick supporting her man even though he worked fast food. Kanye's saying - "stay strong, he's got ambition...it'll be alright" - and then of course when he gets any success he leaves her... for a white girl. Funny line, but there's a bit of truth to it. It's no secret that many women are seen as "dream killers" and oftentimes it's completely a form of protection. So people sabotage, people maneuver for their own self interest. It can actually get to a point where the man just gives in and lives happily ever after. I'm not saying this ever happened to me - but every woman I've ever known I've always pushed to be more than they could initially imagine. Having nothing to do with me. I remember Palaur wanted to write children's stories and had aspirations to be a model - I supported and encouraged her to keep going. It's why she was attracted so quickly I'm sure. It wasn't a ploy on my part - I really saw potential and wanted to see her happy. But does it mean a long-term marriage? I'm beginning to wonder if inspiring people to believe in themselves and to be the best they can be can lead them to "finding themselves" but it certainly doesn't strengthen a marriage unless what they find is... to only be with you. And it's funny with Donna, that's what was so attractive about her - she seemingly had her shit together to an extreme extent. Successful acting career in South Africa, sold everything to come to America and make it big, on her own. It was a total aphrodesiac because the last thing I wanted to do was support someone to believe in themselves. Of course by the end of it all - she could barely support thoughts of living through the night. Huge shift...
..but I'm not really talking about Donna here - I'm just realizing that my relationships really have been successes - just not conventionally. I've spoken with Palaur recently and she did indeed leave Patrick, is seeing someone new and is very happy and thankful for what I told her. She actually said she thinks of what I said 10 years ago often and it helped her. But would we have made it? I don't think so. I think the type of women that end up being attracted to me, even if they put up a helluva front to begin with, will always be the type that grows past me at some point. And even moreso because I encourage growth "with or without" me. Of course I hope they want me, I certainly do what I can to show them the support I have to give...but I simply don't believe you can keep someone in something that really isn't them. It's an interesting connundrum. Even in talking to women I notice that within a few minutes I end up saying something that they act like they've never heard before...and suddenly it changes the whole situation. There's intrigue - and then here we go. So embarrassing to write that, but it's the truth as I see it as of 4:37 pm, April 24th, 2008.
6) And so was getting stoned so stop acting like it's this big deal. I think there's something about seeing my story like a TV show that automatically makes people connect dots that aren't there. Like "ooh I've seen this rerun before...". It really is exactly what I said it was - had the time, had no responsibility (not driving at all) oh, and I don't find anything wrong with it. I also don't like it which many of you keep forgetting and won't be doing it again. I really didn't eat for about 40 hours after that. Just the worst shit that could have ever been created for my mind/soul/body. Video is very funny though.
7) Saw buffalo at a rest stop. I know right? A mom, pop and little tyke. They weren't in the wild obviously - caged in - but it was just strange to see a sign that said "BUFFALO" and then voila - here they are. Big mofos. We took video and rolled on...
8) This had actually been much more fun than I thought it would be. I figured I'd get bored but we really have kept things pretty interesting and honestly - The Journey makes shit so fun. There's this responsibility to make the most of everything. Even Keith has been getting into it:  "Oooh this would be good for The Journey!". I really think it's a great way to live your life honestly. I can see me being a blog-guru. Ha. I still just don't think anyone on the planet would put the mount of work into it as I do - and that work really is the secret. The bar has been raised so much that I almost felt like I was cheating when I remade the "Neeeeew Mexico" video. It was too easy. Heh. But really we've all had quite a good time and will remember this trip forever. Tucumcari was awesome and just wait'll you see the short film. ;-)
9) Way to go Subway for expanding healthy choices on the road. There is a subway attatched to a gas station all across the country. Almost as much as McDonalds. It's crazy. Wasn't like this 8 years ago. You seem to be relegated to complete shit food when on a road trip (which is part of the fun) but since my binge I've been on the lookout for Subway and they're everywhere. Even if I don't make the healthy choice, it's so nice to know we have it. The more choices the easier it is to make the right one. It's a good move for this country to have healthy options conveniently.
10) So the, uhm, ladies on this trip have been, uhm, unfortunately, uhm - yeah so the talent is lacking on the road. A fucking bunch. I mean we weren't looking for some wild time but really there was hardly an attractive woman anywhere. Granted - you work at a 7-11 in the middle of nowhere, what are you gonna expect - but all 3 of us were really kinda underwhelmed. Kind of a dick thing to say, I know - but these are randoms and that is certainly one thing that has reared it's head these past few days.
11) Some #$@#!* whore %!$%$ gave me negative feedback on Ebay because she didn't get her DVD 3 days after I sent it. She just went apeshit, ruins my feedback and then got angry that I wouldn't refund her money. !?!? I explained to her that I shipped it on Wednesday and now that she already left me permanent negative feedback she kinda shot herself in the foot as I have no motivation to help her. Oh she loved that. She ends up getting the DVD the next day and says "i'm sorry". Meanwhile she ruins my feedback by having a negative at the very top that says - TOTAL SCAM ARTIST -NEVER SENT DVD! NO COMMUNICATION!! You literally have to get a fucking court order to get comments removed. We'll see what happens - but it's just absolute horseshit. She completely ruined my name by being spastic. She didn't pay for overnight shipping and it was in her hands 8 days after the friggin' auction ended. Unbelieveable. DAHHHHHHH. I know, not really a road thing - but I've had to deal with it everyday on the road.
12) I listened to "Stronger Than Before" and "Hearing My Thoughts" for a stretch and I gotta say - I really miss music. I wrote some really interesting things and do miss full productions. Hearing me go through the Burgundie break-up is obviously difficult right now, but it's really inspiring. It brought out me. I love the way I processed that and weaved a story throughout those moments. I do also miss that guy. He was a different creature for sure. To have that unwavering belief not only in yourself (which I still have) but that it's going to happen. That you're going to make it to that level... that's a harder one to hold onto obviously...and there goes the last segue:
13) Lost in all of this is a locked entry from last month where I explain a bunch of things career-wise and one of them is that Friedman won't be able to provide anything, CBS is in such shambles at this point that getting anything started again there is all but impossible and my career is beyond nonexistent. This is a tougher time than I can really even process to tell you the truth and I've kept it pretty well focused on Donna. Now with that gone, there's really nowhere else to hold onto. It is easily the most frustrating thing I've ever dealt with. To have a reel and a track record as unbelieveable as mine... and not have a way to get that word out - maddening. This really is one of the hardest times of my entire life and only completely ignoring it stops the pain. You concentrate on other things and when it rears it's head you look at it for a second... but you put it back down. It's too much. I've lost so much in the past few months with no sign of it stopping anytime soon. It's very heavy. It's actually harder because I know exactly who I am. At least when you're searching - there's the hope of potential. That you'll find something that answers all your questions... but when you know who you are and you know what your purpose is - then the bad times just get excruciating because you're already controlling what you can. You have to just believe that the Gods are gonna strike.
Wel that took a good couple of hours. We're about to strike Columbus. Staying with Jess & Jeff tonight and then Keith drives Nick to the airport and heads onto his grandmother's home in Wheelersburg. I don't know what the week or so in Columbus will amount to - but I look forward to seeing the next adventure. I'm still excited to see what happens next and that's always my mantra for The Journey - as long as you wanna see the next entry, you're doing fine. So up next: Finding Jesus.