(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
3:48 PM, Thursday,
April 24th, 2008:
Illinois - Obama
Country.
Well I figured I'd
wrap everything up with randoms. That way I can get
the mac-heads off me.
1)
You know, people that have never responded more than a
sentence in 8 years of this thing sent me pages
upon pages on why their beloved mac is better.
You're not helping your "cult" stereotype too much
fellas. I've read it all. What I think you're missing
is that it's an argument of worth. At
Serendipity in New York there's a $1000 ice cream
sundae. They use the absolute greatest ingredients
ever. I will argue that it isn't worth it. You can get
just as much satisfaction out of a $5 sundae - but
believing the more expensive one is better
makes it feel better. I'm sure you can argue
the sundae really is better... but is it $1000
better? That's the argument. There's a line at some
point where it stops mattering. Like the Spitzer
Escort - what was that $5000 an hour? There's nothing
you can do to me for $5000 that will ever be worth
$5000 unless you blow me while handing me a $5000
check. <---- LOL. Seriously the best orgasm in the
world doesn't hold limitless value. I stand by my
original point - I can do so much more with 1/2 the
money on a PC that mac doesn't even enter the picture.
I worked for 5 years on a mac (thankfully or you
fuckers would've gone apeshit) and nothing is
screaming 3x the price. And remember I do majority
video/audio work - your experience may differ. The
only argument that made any sense was a guy who works
on computer recommending macs so he doesn't have to
constantly reformat his friends/family's harddrives
because of idiots who get viruses. I've never had a
virus 'cause I know the ropes a bit but I do
understand this rationale. Heh. I must admit, this is
a far more fun argument than war or abortion. Bring it
on.
2)
Rainy
Road Randoms. So man we really got into
some bad shit in Oklahoma/Missouri. Our
original plan was to get to St. Louis last
night but it was so dark and the rain was
so hard we just chilled in Springfield.
Somehow we stayed at this lodge for $15 a
piece - some great deals on the road man.
The rain was pretty intense though - been
a long time since I've seen lightening
storms that cool.
3)
Oh and let's get this out of the way - losing
Pennsylvania sucked... but it doesn't change the race.
Unfortunately if you look ahead, Obama will be the
same place he is now in 6 weeks. 'Bout 150 delegates
ahead - and no upsets in the states. He'll win North
Carolina, Indiana is a toss-up but won't help either
candidate 'cause the split will be nearly identical...
she has West Virgina and Kentucky, he's got the rest
of the states - and she has Puerto Rico. Done. You
look at the estimates and nothing changes. He'll be
right under 100 supers shy of 2025 and she'll be
around 250 shy. Even if the supers all go to him?
She'll still take it to the convention. Yup, even if
he's at 2030 - she'll go to the convention and
absolutely SHOULD. This race is very close. Now had he
pulled off Texas and Ohio we wouldn't even be having
this conversation - but since everything held serve?
You have to go into the convention and prove your
side. I'd rather be in his shoes than hers. He's got
more pledged and popular votes (even though she'll try
to count Florida and Michigan). The only way any of
this changes? If one candidate wins out. If Hillary
wins out? The supers go to her in droves because then
his delegate lead is under 100 - and they can push it
one way. And clearly he's done something pretty
disasterous if this happens. I mean if the
"kitchen sink" hasn't worked so far, I can't imagine
what will. But the Obama supporters have to realize
she is now more than in the right to continue. You
can't whine when she keeps winning these big
contests...
4)
Speaking of
rain... we were speaking of rain right? Rain almost
killed our short fillm, but we indeed pulled it off.
The final "road" entry will be premiering the
short film "My Own Naked Jesus". I will look back on
this trip with fond memories, no doubt. It's funny - I
have to do something rather ballsy (I'm sure you can
imagine) and I was letting out a sigh of relief that
it was raining - and then it cleared up. Heh. That's
the cool thing though - I felt like I was letting
The Journey down because I mentioned we were doing it
- and I couldn't whimp out with something in my
control. I can't fathom how different my life would be
without The Journey. it's a lot to ponder.
5)
As is everything on the road man. Here's my newest
theory I've been pondering. So many relationships have
a little bit of fear in 'em. I was listening to
"Golddigger", the verse about the black chick
supporting her man even though he worked fast food.
Kanye's saying - "stay strong, he's got
ambition...it'll be alright" - and then of course when
he gets any success he leaves her... for a white girl.
Funny line, but there's a bit of truth to it. It's no
secret that many women are seen as "dream killers" and
oftentimes it's completely a form of protection. So
people sabotage, people maneuver for their own self
interest. It can actually get to a point where the man
just gives in and lives happily ever after. I'm not
saying this ever happened to me - but every woman I've
ever known I've always pushed to be more than they
could initially imagine. Having nothing to do with me.
I remember Palaur wanted to write children's stories
and had aspirations to be a model - I supported and
encouraged her to keep going. It's why she was
attracted so quickly I'm sure. It wasn't a ploy on my
part - I really saw potential and wanted to see her
happy. But does it mean a long-term marriage? I'm
beginning to wonder if inspiring people to believe in
themselves and to be the best they can be can lead
them to "finding themselves" but it certainly doesn't
strengthen a marriage unless what they find is... to
only be with you. And it's funny with Donna, that's
what was so attractive about her - she seemingly had
her shit together to an extreme extent.
Successful acting career in South Africa, sold
everything to come to America and make it big, on her
own. It was a total aphrodesiac because the last thing
I wanted to do was support someone to believe in
themselves. Of course by the end of it all - she could
barely support thoughts of living through the night.
Huge shift...
..but I'm not
really talking about Donna here - I'm just realizing
that my relationships really have been successes -
just not conventionally. I've spoken with Palaur
recently and she did indeed leave Patrick, is seeing
someone new and is very happy and thankful for what I
told her. She actually said she thinks of what I said
10 years ago often and it helped her. But would we
have made it? I don't think so. I think the type of
women that end up being attracted to me, even if they
put up a helluva front to begin with, will always be
the type that grows past me at some point. And even
moreso because I encourage growth "with or
without" me. Of course I hope they want me,
I certainly do what I can to show them the
support I have to give...but I simply don't
believe you can keep someone in something that really
isn't them. It's an interesting connundrum. Even in
talking to women I notice that within a few minutes I
end up saying something that they act like they've
never heard before...and suddenly it changes the whole
situation. There's intrigue - and then here we
go. So embarrassing to write that, but it's the truth
as I see it as of 4:37 pm, April 24th,
2008.
6)
And so was
getting stoned so stop acting like it's this big deal.
I think there's something about seeing my story like a
TV show that automatically makes people connect dots
that aren't there. Like "ooh I've seen this rerun
before...". It really is exactly what I said it was -
had the time, had no responsibility (not driving at
all) oh, and I don't find anything wrong with it.
I also don't like it which many of you keep
forgetting and won't be doing it again. I really
didn't eat for about 40 hours after that. Just the
worst shit that could have ever been created for my
mind/soul/body. Video is very funny
though.
7)
Saw buffalo at a rest stop. I know right? A mom, pop
and little tyke. They weren't in the wild obviously -
caged in - but it was just strange to see a sign that
said "BUFFALO" and then voila - here they are. Big
mofos. We took video and rolled on...
8)
This had actually been much more fun than I thought it
would be. I figured I'd get bored but we really have
kept things pretty interesting and honestly - The
Journey makes shit so fun. There's this responsibility
to make the most of everything. Even Keith has
been getting into it: "Oooh this would be good
for The Journey!". I really think it's a great way to
live your life honestly. I can see me being a
blog-guru. Ha. I still just don't think anyone on the
planet would put the mount of work into it as I do -
and that work really is the secret. The bar has been
raised so much that I almost felt like I was cheating
when I remade the "Neeeeew Mexico" video. It was too
easy. Heh. But really we've all had quite a good time
and will remember this trip forever. Tucumcari was
awesome and just wait'll you see the short film.
;-)
9)
Way to go Subway for expanding healthy choices on the
road. There is a subway attatched to a gas station all
across the country. Almost as much as McDonalds. It's
crazy. Wasn't like this 8 years ago. You seem to be
relegated to complete shit food when on a road trip
(which is part of the fun) but since my binge I've
been on the lookout for Subway and they're everywhere.
Even if I don't make the healthy choice, it's so nice
to know we have it. The more choices the easier
it is to make the right one. It's a good move for this
country to have healthy options
conveniently.
10)
So the, uhm, ladies on this trip have been, uhm,
unfortunately, uhm - yeah so the talent is lacking on
the road. A fucking bunch. I mean we weren't
looking for some wild time but really there was hardly
an attractive woman anywhere. Granted - you
work at a 7-11 in the middle of nowhere, what are you
gonna expect - but all 3 of us were really kinda
underwhelmed. Kind of a dick thing to say, I know -
but these are randoms and that is certainly one thing
that has reared it's head these past few
days.
11)
Some #$@#!*
whore %!$%$ gave me negative feedback on Ebay because
she didn't get her DVD 3 days after I sent it. She
just went apeshit, ruins my feedback and then got
angry that I wouldn't refund her money. !?!? I
explained to her that I shipped it on Wednesday and
now that she already left me permanent negative
feedback she kinda shot herself in the foot as I have
no motivation to help her. Oh she loved that. She ends
up getting the
DVD the
next day
and says "i'm sorry". Meanwhile she ruins my feedback
by having a negative at the very top that says -
TOTAL SCAM ARTIST -NEVER SENT DVD!
NO COMMUNICATION!! You literally have to get a
fucking court order to get comments removed. We'll see
what happens - but it's just absolute horseshit. She
completely ruined my name by being spastic. She didn't
pay for overnight shipping and it was in her hands 8
days after the friggin' auction ended.
Unbelieveable. DAHHHHHHH. I know, not really a road
thing - but I've had to deal with it everyday on the
road.
12)
I listened to
"Stronger Than Before" and "Hearing My Thoughts" for a
stretch and I gotta say - I really miss music. I wrote
some really interesting things and do miss full
productions. Hearing me go through the Burgundie
break-up is obviously difficult right now, but it's
really inspiring. It brought out me. I love the
way I processed that and weaved a story throughout
those moments. I do also miss that guy. He was a
different creature for sure. To have that unwavering
belief not only in yourself (which I still have)
but that it's going to happen. That you're going to
make it to that level... that's a harder one to hold
onto obviously...and there goes the last
segue:
13)
Lost in all of this is a locked entry from last month
where I explain a bunch of things career-wise and one
of them is that Friedman won't be able to provide
anything, CBS is in such shambles at this point that
getting anything started again there is all but
impossible and my career is beyond nonexistent. This
is a tougher time than I can really even process to
tell you the truth and I've kept it pretty well
focused on Donna. Now with that gone, there's really
nowhere else to hold onto. It is easily the most
frustrating thing I've ever dealt with. To have a reel
and a track record as unbelieveable as mine... and not
have a way to get that word out - maddening. This
really is one of the hardest times of my entire life
and only completely ignoring it stops the pain. You
concentrate on other things and when it rears it's
head you look at it for a second... but you put it
back down. It's too much. I've lost so much in the
past few months with no sign of it stopping anytime
soon. It's very heavy. It's actually harder
because I know exactly who I am. At least when you're
searching - there's the hope of potential. That you'll
find something that answers all your questions... but
when you know who you are and you know what your
purpose is - then the bad times just get excruciating
because you're already controlling what you can. You
have to just believe that the Gods are gonna
strike.
Wel that took a
good couple of hours. We're about to strike Columbus.
Staying with Jess & Jeff tonight and then Keith
drives Nick to the airport and heads onto his
grandmother's home in Wheelersburg. I don't know what
the week or so in Columbus will amount to - but I look
forward to seeing the next adventure. I'm still
excited to see what happens next and that's always my
mantra for The Journey - as long as you wanna see the
next entry, you're doing fine. So up next: Finding
Jesus.
