(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
12:34 AM, Tuesday,
April 1st, 2008:
So this should
make a little more sense now:
Yes,
that locked entry 2 months ago held
several things, but the "revelation" came
at the tail end of an amazing entry. I
couldn't help but tell my dad, and you
know I couldn't miss the opportunity to
tape that reaction. So for those wondering
what all the "blacked out" entries have
been about I give you the following
video
from early February.
And suddenly, life
gets perspective. For those wondering, the video was
before the blood test and a week later we indeed found
out our hunch was correct. It's still too early to
know the sex (we're just shy of 14 weeks) but I enjoy
playing the part of the goofy father that buys
sporting goods saying with certainty it will be a boy
and it ends up being a girl. Anyway, this conversation
I had with my father (a good 45 minutes) will be
something I cherish the rest of my life. I know many
of you feel goofy about taping yourself, or bringing
out a camera during family events and whatnot - but
these are the moments that in 20, 30 years you will
rediscover with a joy you can barely express. Imagine
my kid watching that? So precious.
And reaction-wise?
I mean, yeah Donna kinda went apeshit for a little
bit… but I've actually been cool, calm and
literally can't stop smiling. Considering we have no
insurance (did you guys really think the
entry
following
"HG Revelation" about emptying my entire home-equity
line was for no reason?), and I'm unemployed it's
rather amazing that I'm in such good spirits. Sure I
have some anxiety about how all this will work out,
but that initial fear has given way to the inevitable
"direction" such news brings. No time to analyze when
the clock is ticking. Every single day now is filled
with the "fierce urgency of now" as Obama likes to
quote MLK. Every inch of your life has to be rethought
as you try to prepare.
But yadda, yadda -
that's the boring stuff. Everyone thinks their
situation is unique, and it isn't. I promise I won't
fill pages of this site with "how it feels" to have a
kid (not yet anyway - lol) but what is unique is
determining what this means for "The Journey". And
right now, not a whole lot is different. That's always
been my intention with buying a home out here and
planting roots in LA. The Journey will continue. Years
ago when I realized that I was an "artist" outside of
the industry? The goals sort of morphed. I'm going to
continue to create because that's what I do on a daily
basis to LIVE. To breathe. To function. Stands to
reason I'll do even more of that throughout this
process. At least now I can do it publically. The
point is, what I do that allows me to "make it" in the
industry, is the same thing I do to function in life -
therefore it ain't goin' away. I couldn't stop now if
I wanted to.
It's why I feel so
lucky to be the artist I am. I'm a homebody at heart,
I don't need to "be seen" by the "in-crowd" to make it
(as CBS has proven). I don't have to be anything but
ME to succeed and having a family simply doesn't
change that. Less time? Of course. Less sleep? Of
course. Less art? No. Less music? No. Less videogames?
Yes. LOL. It's all priorities and I'm pretty balanced
in that department.
Now obviously I've
had 2 months to muster up that confidence. I'm well
aware that I'm playing with fire and could very well
be staring at the last few months of "scheming" to get
back into the industry in any permanent form before my
life changes come September. I'm not that naive, but I
do have a very clear idea of who I am and what I'm
supposed to be doing on this planet - and this simply
doesn't change that.
For Donna? Well,
ask me 2 months ago and this would be quite a
different story - but the transformation I've seen has
been miraculous. It's been such a calming effect to a
life of constant "running" to find direction. Somehow
she's had very little morning sickness and they say
the first trimester is usually the worst - so we feel
pretty lucky in that respect. But just in general,
it's literally been a savior for her. You all know I'm
not very religious but to say this couldn't have come
at a better time for her is to say the least. It's on
a completely spiritual level that this being came into
our lives and gave her the direction she's seemingly
needed her entire life. Her therapy has been going
well and it's hard not to look at the way things are
playing out and not feel a sense of "pre-destination".
Just watched the
video again. Heartwarming. As is the knowledge that
several of you still skim the date of the entries, and
that for the ninth year in a row I may have gotten you
again. Of course longtime readers are well aware that
the yearly ritual has now turned into a true or false
question. This could be a complete fabrication, or
this could very well be the truth, and I'm actually
just fooling all the people that think they
weren't fooled. So take it in, look at all the
locked and unlocked entries and see if you can spot
whether year nine is a T or an F and shoot me your
your
reaction.
