(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
12:34 AM, Tuesday, April 1st, 2008:
So this should make a little more sense now:
Yes, that locked entry 2 months ago held several things, but the "revelation" came at the tail end of an amazing entry. I couldn't help but tell my dad, and you know I couldn't miss the opportunity to tape that reaction. So for those wondering what all the "blacked out" entries have been about I give you the following video from early February.
And suddenly, life gets perspective. For those wondering, the video was before the blood test and a week later we indeed found out our hunch was correct. It's still too early to know the sex (we're just shy of 14 weeks) but I enjoy playing the part of the goofy father that buys sporting goods saying with certainty it will be a boy and it ends up being a girl. Anyway, this conversation I had with my father (a good 45 minutes) will be something I cherish the rest of my life. I know many of you feel goofy about taping yourself, or bringing out a camera during family events and whatnot - but these are the moments that in 20, 30 years you will rediscover with a joy you can barely express. Imagine my kid watching that? So precious.
And reaction-wise? I mean, yeah Donna kinda went apeshit for a little bit… but I've actually been cool, calm and literally can't stop smiling. Considering we have no insurance (did you guys really think the entry following "HG Revelation" about emptying my entire home-equity line was for no reason?), and I'm unemployed it's rather amazing that I'm in such good spirits. Sure I have some anxiety about how all this will work out, but that initial fear has given way to the inevitable "direction" such news brings. No time to analyze when the clock is ticking. Every single day now is filled with the "fierce urgency of now" as Obama likes to quote MLK. Every inch of your life has to be rethought as you try to prepare.
But yadda, yadda - that's the boring stuff. Everyone thinks their situation is unique, and it isn't. I promise I won't fill pages of this site with "how it feels" to have a kid (not yet anyway - lol) but what is unique is determining what this means for "The Journey". And right now, not a whole lot is different. That's always been my intention with buying a home out here and planting roots in LA. The Journey will continue. Years ago when I realized that I was an "artist" outside of the industry? The goals sort of morphed. I'm going to continue to create because that's what I do on a daily basis to LIVE. To breathe. To function. Stands to reason I'll do even more of that throughout this process. At least now I can do it publically. The point is, what I do that allows me to "make it" in the industry, is the same thing I do to function in life - therefore it ain't goin' away. I couldn't stop now if I wanted to.
It's why I feel so lucky to be the artist I am. I'm a homebody at heart, I don't need to "be seen" by the "in-crowd" to make it (as CBS has proven). I don't have to be anything but ME to succeed and having a family simply doesn't change that. Less time? Of course. Less sleep? Of course. Less art? No. Less music? No. Less videogames? Yes. LOL. It's all priorities and I'm pretty balanced in that department.
Now obviously I've had 2 months to muster up that confidence. I'm well aware that I'm playing with fire and could very well be staring at the last few months of "scheming" to get back into the industry in any permanent form before my life changes come September. I'm not that naive, but I do have a very clear idea of who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing on this planet - and this simply doesn't change that.
For Donna? Well, ask me 2 months ago and this would be quite a different story - but the transformation I've seen has been miraculous. It's been such a calming effect to a life of constant "running" to find direction. Somehow she's had very little morning sickness and they say the first trimester is usually the worst - so we feel pretty lucky in that respect. But just in general, it's literally been a savior for her. You all know I'm not very religious but to say this couldn't have come at a better time for her is to say the least. It's on a completely spiritual level that this being came into our lives and gave her the direction she's seemingly needed her entire life. Her therapy has been going well and it's hard not to look at the way things are playing out and not feel a sense of "pre-destination".
Just watched the video again. Heartwarming. As is the knowledge that several of you still skim the date of the entries, and that for the ninth year in a row I may have gotten you again. Of course longtime readers are well aware that the yearly ritual has now turned into a true or false question. This could be a complete fabrication, or this could very well be the truth, and I'm actually just fooling all the people that think they weren't fooled. So take it in, look at all the locked and unlocked entries and see if you can spot whether year nine is a T or an F and shoot me your your reaction.