(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
11:23 AM, Tuesday,
February 5th 2008:
Good, freaking,
christ already. Is this really happening? I feel like
I'm on a conveyor belt sometimes and I'm gonna run
into something no matter what I do. Oh and it's
Super-freaking Tuesday. I'm a wreck. LOL.
I'm
writing this entry a mile-a-minute to try
and keep my mind off what's gonna happen
today in the primaries. I just voted, I'm
watching MSNBC on one screen, tracking
CNN.com on the other and writing this on a
3rd. Add in the personal ridiculosities of
the previous entry and this is one day of
tension I will never forget. And it all
started...48 hours ago.
So I
get an email from GenuineChris (who put
together the loan to buyout Jess last
year) that several banks are now freezing
HELOCS (Home Equity Lines of Credit)
without prior notice. The $100,000 you may
have thought you had access to at any time
is noe completely gone. If that was your
"rainy day" fund, you're in the
middle of a Hurricane.
For me, this would
be a disaster. I was finally going to have to
dip into it come April (maybe even March) and as much
as it turned my stomach to load up on more debt - it
would save the house. So needless to say this news was
like a punch to the stomach. I called Remo and he
verified that indeed this was happening, he had
already had friends get "the letter" and that once you
get it - you're done. There's no warning, you just
lose it all. So in the middle of the night my ass
drops a check in the ATM for the remainder of my
ENTIRE home equity line which I will put in an online
savings account and lose roughly 2% a month. I am
officially in debt up to my ears and am now staring at
a pile of money that could be a turning point in my
entire life.
Whew.
I could just sit
on the money and take my 2% loss and forget about
it... but at some times in your life you take things
like this as opportunities. I could take that money,
and invest in something that could change
everything forever... or force me to sell my house.
It's kind of a make or break moment. What do I do?
Will I look back at this moment in 5 years as I'm
pushing 40 and think: "Damnit, had you just believed
in yourself a little more and used that money to
invest in yourself...where would you be?". Will
I wish I had just kept it in the savings account
and only lost 2%? That's where the conveyor belt comes
in...
Everything is
pushing me towards something. It's hard not to see
this influx of money (even if it's completely not mine
and a loan I will have to payback in less than 9
years) plus the year I've had and the things I'm
creating... as a way to break into something bigger.
It's also scary as shit to tell you the truth. I am
now, 100%, going for broke. My entire house is maxed
and values are going down. So in essence I'm
risking it all for...what? Can you tell how fast I'm
writing this? It's like I can't even process what
this means. So I'll sit on it for a bit and probably
fix a little more of the house while we're in "fix-it"
mode... but there's something big happening and it
appears I have all the pieces. From the weight, to the
content, to the money, to the contacts... it's like
everything is sitting in front of me like a puzzle.
Now how do I put it together. This is a big moment.
We'll see how it plays out.
And how the hell
does Obama stay within 100 pledged delegates tonight?
I mean unless he pulls off an upset in California
- he'd have to win the overwhelming majority of the
other states... I'm holding my breath. It's gonna be a
long night. Oh and have you guys seen this yet? The
"Yes We Can" song? Talk about destroying my shot
at ever doing something comparable. You win Will.I.Am.
You win:
Click me, I'll
make you proud to be an American if you're
American...
How badass was
that? You have to read the lyrics of this
speech:
It was a
creed written into the founding documents that
declared the destiny of a nation;
'Yes,
We Can.'
It was
whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they
blazed a trail towards freedom through the darkest
of nights;
'Yes,
We Can.'
It was sung
by immigrants as they struck out from distant
shores - pioneers who pushed westward against an
unforgiving wilderness;
'Yes,
We Can.'
It was the
call of workers who organized, women who reached
for the ballots, a president who chose the moon as
our new frontier and a king who took us to the
mountaintop and pointed the way to the promised
land;
'Yes,
We
Can'
to justice and equality.
'Yes, We
Can'
to opportunity and prosperity.
'Yes, We
Can'
heal this nation.
'Yes, We
Can'
repair this world.
'Yes, We
Can.'
We know the
battle ahead will be long. But always remember that
no matter what obstacles stand in our way nothing
can stand in the way of the power of millions of
voices calling for change. We have been told we
cannot do this by a chorus of cynics that will only
grow louder and more dissonant. We've been asked to
pause for a reality check. We've been warned
against offering the people of this nation false
hope. But in the unlikely story that is America,
there has never been anything false about
hope.
By the hopes
of the little girl who goes to the public school in
Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who
learns on the streets of LA. We will remember that
there is something happening in America, that we
are not as divided as our politics suggest. That we
are one people, that we are one nation, and that
together we will begin the next great chapter in
the American story with three words that will ring
from coast to coast, from sea to shining
sea...
'Yes, We
Can.'
Are you kidding
me? What an incredible time to be alive. Off to
Atlanta for the video gig...
