(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
12:01 AM, Tuesday,
January 1st, 2008:
Has a
prediction ever seemed more worthless than
this year? Even
drunkthat was easy to
answer.
I mean
when you set up goals for yourself,
achieve them all beyond your wildest
dreams... and end up worse off than
you were to begin with...what the fuck do
you do then? That's where I stand at the
start of the new year. And my goals now?
Desperate. Get a job adoing
anything, save my house, get
insurance, try to survive the mounting
credit card debt...and oh yeah - do
something career-wise. It's completely
back-burner now with no signs of that
changing any time soon. You think the last
3 months were quiet? Wait'll the next 3.
(Come on already Journey Gods, I've been
tempting you forever now)
It's the old
addage I've mentioned so many times. I'd give anything
for my best to not be good enough. That at least means
someone has seen it. But when your best is
ignored, and you're wallowing in anonymity (even
though you worked at the network television
station)... predictions go right out the window.
Because I've done everything I know how to do, I've
done it better than I thought I could do - and
it's time for The Journey Gods to strike. And if
talent wins out in the end...when exactly is
that? Are we there yet?
All of this is
setting up the fact that I am screwed in the
prediction department this year. Every year I take
this entry and predict what I think will happen. Never
before have I had so little pulse on my own career.
I mean I'm still gonna be schemin' hard. I
totally see myself flying to NY to sit in front of
Steve Friedman 35 pounds lighter just to show
him how serious I am about this. I still see myself
producing some incredible things. I can easily forsee
some sort of gig in the industry where I can once
again show off my talents, but what good that does is
beyond me if this year attracted nothing. Hell, I can
see me making another live Trinitrons show.
Just so I have something to invite industry insiders
to. Maybe that "Journey" show I've been threatening
for 6 years. Which will now be entitled: "Come see how
many ways you can 'miss it by that much'". It
would be cathartic if anything.
I think the sad
thing is that honestly? This is 2002 alllllllllllll
over again. I don't believe it'll be a 4 year stretch
of downtime, but this year seems destined to be as
quiet as the past 3 months no matter how much noise I
make personally. Don't ask me how that's possible,
because I really don't know. Even worse is, I don't
know what would make me happy one year from now.
I mean, when you have the high I had with the
head of late night last year - everything pales
in comparison. So I topped 'The Store' from '01, but
will I ever equal the Up & Adam news
in February? And can I sit here in a year and
really be happy if I haven't? And what an
outrageously high bar to set! Especially considering
the bar never existed!
And unlike The
Comedy Store high that I chased for years - I'm not
chasing the Up & Adam high. No siree. That is
a high you feel once. Now, I won't ever believe it
again until so far into the scenario that it's become
boring. That's the sad part about all of this.
You can only get burned so many times where you just
can't get that high back. And in a sense that's good
because that high is dangerous. I'll take the
way I feel right now, strong & confident (if not
confused as hell) over the "high" any day. I am
indeed a changed man in these 8 years.
Hell, who am I
kidding. The National Championship game next week will
be the best indicator of anything. You can't deny
that connection. If you missed it last year,
all 4 teams I root for (3 of which are lifetime
teams), the football Buckeyes, the Chicago Bears, the
basketball Buckeyes, and the Cavs (in the East, LA in
the West) - made it to the championship... and lost.
Mirroring my year to a T. A series of events
SO CLOSE YOU COULD TASTE IT...
and then completely vanishing. Once again the football
Buckeyes are in the championship game and could very
well dictate the entire year of my life. As much as I
want to act like it really has no effect on
anything...I will be watching that game on the edge of
my seat because the corrolation is actually more
dependable than my own actions these days.
LOL.
