It's
funny looking back at that lifetime ago we
call 2003. Beyond all the obvious
differences, there's this paragraph from
Entry #240:
So
Jess and I found yet another home. A home that is
most likely not worth the asking price, but we want
it. REALLY want it. The others were nice, but this
one is it. The neighborhood is amazing, didn't even
know it existed in North Hollywood. The streets
instantly seem like home (back east). Nice big
residential streets...actual room. A back yard,
detached garage. It would be a normal $150,000 home
in Columbus. Out here, it's $250,000. LOL. The
problem is, the house is a fixer-upper. In fact,
that's the only thing keeping it from being
$300,000. It needs work. The rest of the
neighborhood looks very nice - and it's obvious the
appreciation in 3-5 years could be incredibly high.
At the time,
I was truly stunned at the price of the house.
Since the sellers covered some closing costs, it came
to $245,000 and with our down payment we were able to
get a loan of $238,000. All outrageous numbers to me
as what we were getting was a piece of shit. A
fixer-upper in every sense of the word. Of course a
year and a half later when we go to refinance and get
it appraised?
$465,000. LOL.
Four-Hundred, sixty-five thousand dollars. That's damn
near double our original loan amount. What the FUCK is
wrong with this city? Of course it isn't really
worth it unless someone buys it for that price, but we
lucked out on a good area with great "comps" and the
location for being close to everything is awesome. If
you want a "new home" in a "new area" you're
driving at least 45 minutes to an hour so anyone who
wants a house in the valley is looking at the
ridiculous price of $465,000 for a 2 bedroom, one bath
1,038 square foot home. But I'd be nice enough to sell
it at $450,000. ;-)
So for fairly
obvious reasons, this is why Jess and I are
holding onto this investment together. At a 50/50 take
we stand to make an incredible profit that through the
years either of us could borrow against or simply let
sit for a friggin' retirement fund. And once
I move out of here and we have renters
inside...it's a no-brainer. The amount of rent you'll
be able to get for a $400,000+ home is so much more
than our mortgage it's goofy. Hell 2 bedroom
apartments are $1500+ out here. So that was a bit of
good news last week.
Of course there's
all the other news. Where to start? Let's get the job
thing out of the way. As I said two entries ago
my job is a like a big-ass reality show and I'm
playing one of 20 loan officers in a building. There's
more than enough drama and I'd have to say that
recently it's felt like "Survivor". They're letting
people go for various reasons including lack of
production and they're being more than vocal about it.
A new Sales Manager came in 2 weeks after I got there
and is kicking ass, taking names...all that fun shit.
Am I scared? Honestly, not even remotely. When
you work your ass off, you succeed at this job.
Period. Obviously you need to have some talent on a
telephone at simply explaining programs, but you're
barely "selling" anything because these people
call YOU wanting the info. They spend a fortune on
radio out here and it works better than I ever
believed radio could work. This coming from a radio
guy. Heh.
The outrageous
part about everything is how well I'm doing at the
job. I knew that if I was cornered by life
to such an extent as I am, I would become an
expert at any job given to me and be successful. But
I'm doing so well that you start to re-evaluate what
the hell you're supposed to do in life. You know? This
shit always happens to me, and I sit here and
swear to the people reading that it's just my
situation - but I'm starting to think that I'm a
fuckin' freak. I do believe that everyone's potential
is always hidden behind what they "think they're good
at" so they never realize it, but come on...Adam a
loan officer? It just doesn't make sense.
But through it
all, it's further showing that money just doesn't move
me in the least. I just don't care. It doesn't fuel
anything I do. If what I'm understanding about
the commission is correct, I will make more in one
month then I did this entire year. To me, that
just means I can eat right without concern of being in
debt, and I can pay my mortgage. Anything extra
will go into an account for the meager jobless times
I've grown accustomed to sporadically finding their
way into my life. So if all that's true Mr. Adam
Artist, what the hell will keep you being hungry at
this job once you get some money?
My absolute
unbridled competitive nature to walk in everyday and
beat ass. I mean, could it be anymore of a video
game? It's all numbers. You have a quota of 8 loans a
month, which our sales manager constantly says is
pathetic and we're all a bunch of losers if we don't
get it (LOL, she's not that bad, but you can read
between the lines) and so it's like this big race to
get the numbers. That sort of competition, coupled
with my absolute lack of funds, creates MR. LOAN
OFFICER. In time I will be able to better pace myself,
exceed the quotas and work 8-9 hour days. I'll be able
to work on the rest of my life and career and start to
put things back into perspective.
For now though,
it's really fun. Again, it's like I'm researching a
role. I'm hanging out with a bunch of Bush Supporters
who are only republican because it's good for their
wallets. LOL. And I want to beat every single one
of them and then...fuckin' give the money to charity
or some shit just to show them how meaningless it all
is. Of course the charity will be "The Bank of
Adam" since I fully believe that something
drastic will happen in a year that will force me to be
a forrest ranger or some shit and I'll need to draw on
that money..heh. But my point is I want so badly to
show all these people what potential life has and that
striving for money will leave you miserable as the
years pass. Christ I have a savior complex. I
wonder if that will go away? It's what made Palaur so
pathetic. This driving instict to make everyone see
the light when all I should really be doing is
saving my own. Can't stop the heart though. Just try
not to lose evreything in the process.
And so yet again
another entry ends with what is being lost right now.
We're a mere two weeks from the split and things have
most definitely changed. The last entry describes some
of them, but even without all that drama - our
relationship is being broken. Honestly, it has to be.
I fully believe we'll be able to communicate as
the closest friends in the world once this is all
over, but there has to be a period of isolation where
we just deal with the pain. It's something that
probably should've happened months ago but has been
drawn out. These final weeks we're two people that
seemingly couldn't be further apart going through the
motions, waiting for the day. We both just want it
over. There's a numbness at this point. It's like
we're so hurt that nothing can hurt us. If she goes
out with friends until some crazy hour...I'm happy
she's having fun. If I stay at work until 11:30pm -
she is happy I'm enjoying my work. We're two
completely seperate people that just don't
"fit" anymore, and it's the saddest thing I've
ever experienced. Sadder than any song I could ever
write. I just want it over with.
Alright
I won't leave you with that. Here's a quick aside
about work. Since I've now become fairly close friends
with several of the people there, they've all told me
in no unspoken terms they thought I was the most
arroganst sunuvabitch they'd ever seen when
I walked in. LOL. And to tell you the truth? It's
the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Because
if throughout everything this Journey has done to me
in the last 5 years, I can still walk into a room
and have any swagger? Then I'll be fine in
Hollywood. Obviously now they know me as Adam, the guy
who is slowly scraping up any ego that may be
splattered on the pavement, but I was able to
fool them for a moment. In my mind, that's a meeting,
and in my mind that means I can still act. It is
also nice that I'm making friends just being me. One
guy I have a cubicle across from is also greek
(with an english accent, go figure) and I think
we have more fun throughout the day than any two
people should have. I have never laughed so hard in my
life at some of the shit we do to each other. Usually
transferring bad callers to each other and then
watching the other try to professionally get through
it before peeing their pants. Good times. Anyway -
it's highly needed as the rest of my life is so filled
with shit. Thank you Georges.
