Adam Kontras.com - A year later, an ode to Shizzle...





(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)

11:48 PM, Tuesday, November 27th, 2007: Time heals all wounds. Bullshit. If one year is any indicator, no. I'm still in the "anger" stage of giref (that's 2 of 5 I believe) and I'm not sure how I'll get past it. Because of that, this entry's video is perfect. You can say it's unhealthy, that I need to get past it but I respectfully decline your advice. Someone 'caused my baby excruciating pain and killed him. They knew before that pain started what they had done, and they let him die. They ignored my pleading to help me put him down humanely, and he bled to death in my arms fighting and kicking the whole way. That should never get better with time. It's something you just put away and when you remember the details it should hurt.
Of course the thing that does change is the frequency. It's not daily as it was for months afterwards...but it's certainly weekly and maybe a couple times a week. The Journey has a way of really never letting you forget. I often click around random months reminiscing and there's a realness to "entries" that for me is as close to "being there" as you can get. The colors, the layout, the words, the video - even the way the video is put together is a "timestamp" of who I was at the moment. And of course Shizzle was a showman. As close as I'll ever be to an animal in my life. My heart will make sure of that. My heart has also unfortunately kept much from progressing as far as the action against the clinic goes. The bottom line really is that nothing can be done without having exhumed the body or kept it for a lawsuit from the beginning. With that path gone, all that could be registered is a complaint that could warrant no more than a "mark". Like bitching on a message board. It's almost insulting for that to be the outcome. I also can't say the name of the clinic for a very real fear of getting sued. My hands are just tied. What forced me to finally seek out an attorney earlier this year (an extra bill on top of everything else) has obviously been settled since I never heard from them again. The longer I mull around the next course of action, the longer it hurts. I'm done. If there's anyone in the LA area that would like to know the name of the clinic, please email me. (Use the link on the homepage of the site as it may change in the future) I certainly never want anyone to go through what I went through. God just watched that again. You just don't realize the tone until it's completed. It's very biting. A few different words, and it's a heartwarming sad. It's a tearful sad. As it stands it's a bit of a punch to the stomach. And that picture of him in the grave in HD is the first time I've shown that. Also that shot of him during the "internal bleeding" line is literally the last living picture of him. All of which I never showed in the entry a year ago. I showed his collar in the grave, but not the whole thing. It's just so - WHAP. Which again, is how it should be. I'm all about truth man - and that is the story of shizzle. Here's the Ode for those without access to video or sound: There once was a pupper named Shizzle, His story is waaaaaaaay off the hizzle, Sit back and relax, and I'll spin you the tale, Of the wondrous Shizzle McNizzle. He once was the tiniest pup, And was constantly getting roughed up, But soon he grew buff With a LOUD ruff, ruff, ruff! And all other bullies shut-up. As a guard he was one busy-bee, He took his job quite seriously, He'd fly through the air, To kick ass and scare, Any dog or strange person he'd see. If he knew you, he'd sit on your lap, Though it hurt, he did not give a crap, He was big and he knew it, But his love helped you through it, So you let him, and both took a nap, When Adam was singing a song, He'd come running and join right along, He would lick Adam's face, And take over the place, 'Cause he knew this was where he belonged, One day he was sick on his bed, "Off to the vet!" Adam Said, they poked without needing, caused internal bleeding, and in 2 days young shizzle was dead. Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't mention CeBe. She is a darling creature who is completely attached to both Donna and I...in fact moreso than Shizzle was at this age. She is a baaaaaaaaby. The difference is that it is shared equally. Jess wasn't much of a dog person and the divorce cemented the bond between me and Shiz forever. Now if something were to happen to CeBe my only concern would be for Donna who is admittedly closer to CeBe than she ever thought possible. When she saw me react to Shizzle's death she was a bit put-off as she just couldn't understand how I could be so attached. Apparently she never had that one pet. Well, she does now. And the bottom line is, after Shizzle, there will be no other pet for me that will envelop me the way Donna is feeling. It is a defense mechanism for sure. Don't get me wrong - LOVE the pup. We have a ball, and I'm totally attached to her...but she is a dog to me. Shizzle was my soul. He was my reflection. I can't believe he's been gone for a year. Adam

Of course the thing that does change is the frequency. It's not daily as it was for months afterwards...but it's certainly weekly and maybe a couple times a week. The Journey has a way of really never letting you forget. I often click around random months reminiscing and there's a realness to "entries" that for me is as close to "being there" as you can get. The colors, the layout, the words, the video - even the way the video is put together is a "timestamp" of who I was at the moment. And of course Shizzle was a showman. As close as I'll ever be to an animal in my life. My heart will make sure of that. My heart has also unfortunately kept much from progressing as far as the action against the clinic goes. The bottom line really is that nothing can be done without having exhumed the body or kept it for a lawsuit from the beginning. With that path gone, all that could be registered is a complaint that could warrant no more than a "mark". Like bitching on a message board. It's almost insulting for that to be the outcome. I also can't say the name of the clinic for a very real fear of getting sued. My hands are just tied. What forced me to finally seek out an attorney earlier this year (an extra bill on top of everything else) has obviously been settled since I never heard from them again. The longer I mull around the next course of action, the longer it hurts. I'm done. If there's anyone in the LA area that would like to know the name of the clinic, please email me. (Use the link on the homepage of the site as it may change in the future) I certainly never want anyone to go through what I went through. God just watched that again. You just don't realize the tone until it's completed. It's very biting. A few different words, and it's a heartwarming sad. It's a tearful sad. As it stands it's a bit of a punch to the stomach. And that picture of him in the grave in HD is the first time I've shown that. Also that shot of him during the "internal bleeding" line is literally the last living picture of him. All of which I never showed in the entry a year ago. I showed his collar in the grave, but not the whole thing. It's just so - WHAP. Which again, is how it should be. I'm all about truth man - and that is the story of shizzle. Here's the Ode for those without access to video or sound: There once was a pupper named Shizzle, His story is waaaaaaaay off the hizzle, Sit back and relax, and I'll spin you the tale, Of the wondrous Shizzle McNizzle. He once was the tiniest pup, And was constantly getting roughed up, But soon he grew buff With a LOUD ruff, ruff, ruff! And all other bullies shut-up. As a guard he was one busy-bee, He took his job quite seriously, He'd fly through the air, To kick ass and scare, Any dog or strange person he'd see. If he knew you, he'd sit on your lap, Though it hurt, he did not give a crap, He was big and he knew it, But his love helped you through it, So you let him, and both took a nap, When Adam was singing a song, He'd come running and join right along, He would lick Adam's face, And take over the place, 'Cause he knew this was where he belonged, One day he was sick on his bed, "Off to the vet!" Adam Said, they poked without needing, caused internal bleeding, and in 2 days young shizzle was dead. Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't mention CeBe. She is a darling creature who is completely attached to both Donna and I...in fact moreso than Shizzle was at this age. She is a baaaaaaaaby. The difference is that it is shared equally. Jess wasn't much of a dog person and the divorce cemented the bond between me and Shiz forever. Now if something were to happen to CeBe my only concern would be for Donna who is admittedly closer to CeBe than she ever thought possible. When she saw me react to Shizzle's death she was a bit put-off as she just couldn't understand how I could be so attached. Apparently she never had that one pet. Well, she does now. And the bottom line is, after Shizzle, there will be no other pet for me that will envelop me the way Donna is feeling. It is a defense mechanism for sure. Don't get me wrong - LOVE the pup. We have a ball, and I'm totally attached to her...but she is a dog to me. Shizzle was my soul. He was my reflection. I can't believe he's been gone for a year. Adam