- So today
I sold my "Beautiful Antique" for enough money to
save my ass for about 3-4 months. Literally a
life saver. I was a week away from taking money
out of my 2nd mortgage to pay my first and with no
word from anyone (STILL) it was a desperate time. This
has absolutely saved my butt and once again, it comes
down to one man... As you may remember it was Remo who
called me and told me of a client that wanted to sell
said piano and he thought of me right away. Of course
when I unwrapped everything I found that
I had stumbled upon quite an antique. Through
that entry - an antique dealer contacted me and
the rest is history. It never ceases to amaze me just
how things seem to come together at the last moment,
when everything looks hopeless. And more times than
not, Mr. Packer has been the reason.
-
- When he initially
saw me in 2000 at Lulu's Beehive I remember clearly
him just wanting to help. He was excited about the
show, gave me his card (He sold cigars back then), and
came to several more shows. He was my first "oh,
people read that?" moment, when he offered his
condolences about my grandmother passing that previous
week. He's always seemed geniuinely frustrated
FOR me when I struggle and unlike most - he
has actively done things to help.
-
- 2002, trying
desperately to help Jessica who then wanted to go back
to school, he got me the job at the chiropractor's
office that lasted for 2 years and allowed Jess and I
to buy a house...
-
- ...and of course -
he was our realtor. He found this puppy, he
helped us out - and at the end of the day he cut a
portion of his commission as a gift to us for a
housewarming gift. This house has turned into the
foundation for my life out here and without it,
I don't know if I'd even be here right now. It's
something I've worked to keep and the equity built in
it will always keep the dream alive. This house is an
absolute dream saver for me, and I have no one
but Remo to thank for it.
-
- In 2003 he hooked
me up with an editor that worked on "Passions" and let
me sit in with him and give me some advice. Didn't
turn into anything - but it was just such a cool move,
and I've never mentioned. Just to get me on a major
studio set at that time was a HUGE deal for
me.
-
- With no rehearsal,
completely blind - performed "Leaderless
State" with
me at Kulak's in 2005 just to help out because he's a
badass.
-
- The week before
the Dream Crack call in 2006? He had another
job lined up for me at a DVD design house that I
ended up not taking because of CBS. Wow, I had
forgotten about that!
-
- Oh, he MARRIED me
and Donna. Picked out the place on the beach as well.
I mean, damn. How awesome did THAT turn out? It
was PERFECT.
-
- In August told me
of this piano which again, singlehandedly saved my
butt and allowed me a lot of breathing room to see
what happens with Steve Friedman, and watch the field
a bit more...
-
- ...and I swear to
you - AS I'M WRITING this he calls me
again with a HUGE meeting lined up for me next
week with yet another situation that could change
everything. Obviously, more on that later - but it's
just ridiculous how much he's helped me.
-
- And that's not
counting the numerous dinners, or the open houses he
invited me to just to gimme free food 'cause he knew
I couldn't afford it at the time. I've also
called him my "West Coast" Dad because I've had to
call him numerous times for "what-the-hell-to-do-next"
situations like the tree coming down in my back yard.
And throughout all of it, he really just says: "I
can't tell you how bad I want to see the right
thing happen for you." Honestly, I think he's as
frustrated for me as anyone who has followed this.
Whereas I'm accustomed to the whole world crumbling on
a consistent basis, it's almost like it offends him. I
can just hear it in his voice how sincerely astonished
he is that I'm in the position I'm in right now. So
much so that after he got off the phone with me this
morning he made some calls, had a meeting - and set up
a huge opportunity for me next week.
-
- It's inspiring
honestly. That's how I feel right now. It's like
the moment in Entry #7 when Mr. Penny (Which we can
finally say was Mike Lane) wrote me a check for $500
when Jess and I were dumpster diving for furniture.
Jesus I just reread this and it brought tears to
my eyes. Take a second here:
-
- Jess and I go off for
our daily dumpster diving expedition and grocery
shopping. What once was adventurous completely
changed today. It hurt today. I was in a pissy mood
to begin with, and this just got me depressed to no
end. First we had to find the post office, because
my father sent me a package that was a little big
for our box and instead of leaving it with the
front office, they took it back to the post office.
I guess this is routine, but they always left it at
my door in Columbus. UPS AND USPS. In the package
was a check that I know was not easy for my dad to
give. He's raising a 10 year old boy and it has to
be rough. It just made me sad. Unearned money. I
don't know why I have such an aversion to it. But
we do need it. That of course made me feel like I
couldn't "provide" for Jess. I needed someone
else's help. Then again, I chose this. I could go
get a job in radio if I wanted, but I'm trying to
break that comfort and MAKE THIS
HAPPEN.
-
- Didn't matter, any
rational hurt more. We found some dumpsters that
looked full, and just maybe it would have something
we could use. We need shelves really bad. We can't
unload our boxes because there's no place to put
anything. And of course some sort of bed. As I put
the truck in park and got out, I kind of watched
myself from Jess's point of view. Is she proud of
me? How long is it going to take before she thinks:
"Jesus, my fiancee is in a dumpster looking through
trash for our apartment...what am I doing..." I
didn't feel like a man anymore. It just really hit
me. I was snapping at Jess's every word. I was so
angry. I kept thinking over and over how stupid
this was, and I should just go back to radio. Then
we went grocery shopping...
-
- Now I've always been a
conscious spender. Couldn't have put 4tvs together
if I hadn't been. But now we're really talking
pennies. We actually stopped at the wonder thrift
store to buy ONE loaf of bread because it was 49
cents. I was embarassed at the checkout counter. At
the other grocery store, it was like everything we
bought, was put on my shoulders. By the end, when
our weeks food was only $18 I still felt like we
spent too much.
-
- The ride home was
worse. A few more dumpsters, and me as surly as
could be. I was starting fights for no reason, and
everytime I'd do it it would make me feel like
shit. When we got home, I got angry because she
couldn't carry enough. I love her so goddamn much,
and this other person was coming out that I could
only watch. Now I never "raised" my voice, but I
was a dick. Just pissy. We finally get everything
up those infamous stairs and I see a note on our
door. We missed another GODDAMN package. We have to
go back out to get it. I threw that fucking piece
of paper down and yelled something, I don't even
remember. Jess calmly picked it up and read that
they left it at the front office. I dropped the
groceries and said I would get it. I was fuming,
and I needed to be alone. It's a nice little walk
to the office.
-
- As I walked, I seemed
to get more and more frustrated. I don't know why.
I was fine yesterday, but now...Jesus, I can't do
this. Everyone would understand if I just got back
into radio and didn't really push 4tvs that hard. I
kept thinking about CD101 and how I should've
stayed. It was really boiling up. I got to the
office and the package was from an old listener and
a great supporter of 4tvs. Inside was a check for
$500.
-
- I cried. I just cried.
So much emotion today, and then this. As if a sign
from all of you saying: "We are here for you, we
will not let you fail..." When I got back to the
apartment I sat on the couch and regained
composure. I showed Jessica the check and she had
the same readtion I did. We just hugged each other
and tried to calm down. It wasn't the money. That
didn't solve our problems. The money will help pay
for the work done on Jessica's car last month that
she had to get fixed before the trip. Somehow we
still have to make 3 people's salaries working
shitty jobs to make it. What it did, was open my
eyes to how much you all care about us. How much
you believe in what I'm trying to accomplish. And
the final reason for my emotions were that I know I
will do this. Yes, I may have to accept others
help. I may not be able to do this alone. But I
will make it. I will not leave this city, until
I've knocked down every freakin' door. I have
hundreds of people back home who are rooting for me
like I'm a football team. I will make it. And you
better believe I will return the favors bestowed
upon me in ways none of you can
imagine.
-
- Wow. Man, that's
some serious shit there. I'm worried about using the
equity in my HOUSE? What the fuck Kontras - remember
where you came from man. You don't have problems right
now. Never forget 2000. But the support I've received
at times is so humbling that all I can do is spotlight
it and try to come up with ways to thank everyone. And
for the umpteenth time Mike, thank you.
-
- But Remo, you've
consistently made crossroads in my life for the past 7
years that singlehandedly kept this dream alive. And
since I can't friggin' pay you back, I can offer
my absolute highest
recommendation
to anyone looking to buy or sell a home in southern
California:
-
 -
- LOL. I laugh
everytime I see this. Real Estate is such a funny
business. I mean imagine if other industries
advertised this flashy?
-
 -
- And I now
officially need a better outlet for my
creativity.
-
- :-)
-
- Adam
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