- I know I'll find
comfort in this period... it's a period I've grown
accustomed to on this Journey. That scheming kid from
WTVN that created the world whether people asked for
it or not... but after this season of The Egos. Woah.
It's like hitting a wall of mirrors. I ran and
ran and ran for the past 13 weeks and the fact that I
literally ran in a circle... it's as I said before:
- My heart at this
moment tells me to lock myself in a room with a bunch
of white canvases and some black charcoal, turn off
all the digital shit and express myself with lines and
curves and pressure and shading and a beard and long
hair and a guitar and a piano to sing and record raw,
dirty songs that come into my heart and find that
soulful artist that was simple. Yes I can be
simple. This entry's song is a perfect example of
that. It's art in so many ways - and it just happens.
From the row of pictures behind me at my father's
house of my father at my age singing, to the fact that
I'm wearing the exact same outfit as I was when
I first sang this song 7
with the opposite meaning (and I've never worn the
combination in any other journey song) to the uneasy
sped up sound of me going crazy, to the absolute
eerieness of the foreshadowing in my song before...
it's just effortless art. At times The Egos is so
goddamn overwhelming you have to watch it 5 times and
your head is still spinning. I guess I'd say I'm
- Might also mention
that I'm a bit under the weather, I'm dying to sleep
in my own bed again, and everything's all starting to
hit me right now. You just never really get used to
this no matter how many times it's happened.
I will go back to LA and regroup and find that
"Adam" at some point. But the "bitter" phase needs a
few days. That's Stage 2 of the stages of loss right?
You know, I always skip Stage 1. Strange huh? I never
have denial. I may hold out hope but when the
writing's on the wall - I know it, see it, read
it, yell it, write it - never deny it.
- Heh, I'm literally
sitting here and shaking my head as I gaze at these
letters on the keyboard. Maybe I am in the denial
stage. Ha. I just can't fuggin' believe that I'm
here again. I mean at least I have something to
show for the year, no doubt, but I keep asking
"WHAT MORE COULD I HAVE DONE?!?!"
I'm spread so thin, I'm doing so much - and it makes
NO DIFFERENCE. 'Cause no one ever even sees it.
As I said a couple entries back, it's not a matter of
your best not being good enough... it's a matter of
your best never being seen. Judge me, please -
JUDGE ME. It's frustrating beyond belief, it's
morbidly unfair, and truth be told - it's The Journey.
Heh. The secret of "making it" in this town has
little to do with talent and content and more to do
with who you know and who you can get in front of. I
have no idea how to do that and will be at the mercy
of others until I do.
- Maddening. But I
dig the song. :-) Be sure and watch the one from
as the two together is just amazing.
- PS - a quick thank
you to Stephanie at "The Retreat" (my aunt's Day Spa)
for doing this to my feet:
- She got such a
kick out of the fact that a guy would actually let
someone do this to his feet and I was like:
"Who's gonna see it? Go for it."...
- ...then it was
just too cool to do all The Egos colors so I had to
put it on the site. So I guess everyone's gonna
see it now - but it was funny. And seriously my second
toe has like 4 knuckles and is a friggin' claw. It's
like a middle finger man. Heh.
- And of course
thank you to Renee for treating Donna and I to a day
of relaxation that we both enjoyed tremendously. If
you're in Columbus by all means - check
- Say "The
Egos" and get 10% off any 1 treatment. Ok,
I totally made that up - but she'll do it.
I know it.