(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
5:27 PM, Sunday,
September 23rd, 2007:
What a difference
a year makes.
I do
realize that the "magic" of last year
was nothing more than a lot of incredible
things happening in succession. The world
through rose-colored glasses. When one of
those things change, and suddenly nothing
is the same. All the neutrals start to
turn sour - and pretty soon you just want
to get out. Other than still being dopey
in love with Donna, every element that
made last year so amazing
is...
G-O-N-E
The thrill of
being on television has now turned into a routine
remembered more by the fight for blocking and camera
cues before you go live. There is no incredible pitch
ending in a great opportunity. No executives excited
to meet you. There is no incredible birthday being
photographed in central park. Tony Soprano is now
television history, so no galavanting on that set.
"The Burger Joint" on 3rd and 20th is shut down. The
Bears are 1-2 (getting crushed as I type this),
so no "Team of Destiny" going undefeated despite
Wrecks Grossman's poor play (Well at least that's the
same. Heh.) There is no longer potential of this
turning into more with the new leadership, so your
overwhelming feeling is to get out. Move on. The
longer you're around it, the more it deadens you. It
really is depressing and when things are depressing in
NY, you still have to walk to the depression.
Physical exhaustion is one thing, but when you're also
mentally drained from heavy shit... it adds
up.
What it adds up to
is this eerie undercurrent of "ick". Undefineable
really. Everything is just wrong. The people
become ruder, the city becomes LOUDER, the air becomes
smoggier, the walks become longer and at the end of
the day - you just want it to be over. You just want
to be home... I'll go even one more level deeper for
ya:
NY is the
place when you have direction. When you know where
you're going - NY will push you there. The electricity
runs through you and it's like this network that you
plug into and you can move mountains...
...but it's just
too damn much when you're in limbo. It's too loud,
it's too fast, and it will run you OVER if you don't
have a clear idea of where you're going. And now? I
don't. After tomorrow I'm starting over. I need
to unplug from this network and start scheming again.
Re-evaluate, rejuvinate, reinvent... but you just
can't do that here. It really is a "State of
Mind" thing. Now I know damn well that I'll
be in that state of mind in the future - and there's
only one place to be: NYC. But I'm far from that
person right now.
Donna and
I however...are wonderful. We're in such a better
place than we were a year ago, it's almost impossible
to compare. And also a far cry from last March in NY
when everything was crumbling, I was alone, and
I sat in a bathtub while "showering" for hours on
end. A lot of that is locked as of now but suffice to
say - it's a good thing my Dad came when he did. The
embarrassment I felt over the egg on my face and the
obvious impending outcome of "Up
& Adam" after meeting with Vinnie...
whew. It was a very difficult time. New York was a
very cold place...
...just as it is
now. NY is a reflection of who you are at all
times. Seriously - ask anyone what they feel about NY
it literally describes how their day is, or how their
day was when they were there last. I know of no other
place where that's more true.
So New
York, we kinda love ya. And I can't
claim to have invented that saying. A
friend of Chad's made these T-Shirts which
are pretty much the sentiment of every New
Yorker actually living there.
Again, depending on what type of day
they're having.
But
seriously, my love affair with NY isn't
over - it's just getting the best of me at
the moment. It's pointing out the kinks in
my armor and I know I need to go back
and make a new suit - I'm just kinda stuck
here until Monday. And after THAT
interception - Mr. Grossman will finally
be sitting on the bench next week. Wow.
Just wow.
Oh and
if you'd like to buy the T-shirt I'll
provide
the
link.
Great shirt.
