Understand why
people calling us a "failure" still irks me? Are
people that attached to the society ideals that they
can't truly believe in their heart of hearts
that we made the most loving choice two people could
make?
The thing is, that
when I really sit down and talk to people about it -
they're able to come up with very good reasons that I
should be angry with Jess and vice-versa. These are
the people that are destined to be unhappy the rest of
their lives. I truly believe at some point you have to
clear your mind/soul/body of everything the society
has taught you... and then rebuild. Most people never
do that, so most people will consider me a two-time
loser until the day I die, but those people will
never know the joy I know or will know throughout my
life. The keys to that life are sitting inside these
entries if you care to look...
So I
asked my dad if Jess and I could put
together a parody
song
about the day to the tune of "Goin' to the
Chapel" and he was happy to help. Of
course a few minutes in - the absolute
perverseness of the situation just made
his head-shake. "How do you think of these
things?" It's the journey, man. Everybody
thinks of these things. Everyone thinks of
funny little anecdotes about their day -
or will re-write words to a song to fit
the situation. The difference is with The
Journey, I actually have a reason to put
those things together, make a song, video,
publish it... and because of the beauty of
the internet: you have crazy pieces of
viral art like this. What other reason
would you go through all the trouble? Love
it man. Good times.
The day was of
course almost too easy. It was 10 years ago I was
in the same building, same floor, damn near same
everything and I was flabbergasted at how quick it
was. You basically get asked by the judge if you're
you, and she's her... and they say good luck. LOL. I
asked if I was supposed to kiss Jess or something
because it just seemed weird. Heh. You pay your $175
and just like that - it's over. My favorite line was
of course: "Have you been living apart for more than
30 days?" - "Yeah, more like 3 years..."
Crazy...
Surprisingly,
there were moments throughout today where I as a
bit meloncholy I must say. You can't help but be
reflective no matter how long it's been. There's a
path to anger in those moments and luckily I've had
the wherewithall to just let it go. And of course the
day is filled with the craziness that a week from now
I'm starting the whole cycle again. I really wonder at
what point my body is going to explode. From the court
dates, to getting the computer to work in time to edit
the first egos episode to getting married on a
Wednesday night - and shooting on a Thursday
morning... to all the paperwork for everything with
Donna - to my mom coming in, and Jess & Jeff...
it's a bit much. I'm good at letting stuff out but
something tells me that I'm gonna get sick as a dog
sometime in the next 2 weeks. That or my back is gonna
lock up like a vice. There's just not enough chords on
the piano to let go of all the emotions I'm
feeling.
The overwhelming
one is: SLOW THE HELL DOWN ADAM. I
want so badly to have time that I just don't have, and
I can't seem to accept that. I just pray that I look
up in July once all the instability has passed and see
peace. I really do miss peace. There was restlessness
in 2005, there was yearning, but there was also peace.
It seems like ages ago...
...as was me &
Jess. The "connection" we had is long gone and happily
transferred to new loves. I promised her it would
happen 3 years ago, and it has. I care deeply about
the Jess I remember when we were "us". I haven't
spoken to her in years, but I have fond memories of
her. I know the time is coming quickly of phone calls
once or twice a year, and goofy stories about kids.
And when it's all said and done I will look back on
what we did for each other and smile.
Be envious of
having a chapter in your life like this. Treat
everyone with love and respect and you'll fill your
book with them...
Jess &
Adam
PS - The Crooked X
piece I did from Oklahoma is airing on Friday at 8:30.
TIVO baby, TIVO.
