It was 5 months ago today that
Marty, Jess and I arrived in LA to start our
adventure. It wasn't but 3 days later that disaster
struck and made for 4 months of hell for Jess and I.
Though we didn't know it at the time, April 14th
changed all of that. That was Entry #40, when a Jon
Stewart look-alike handed me his card and provided an
opportunity to showcase my talents, and earn a living
wage. Of course it didn't happen right then.
I still needed to break down for 10 more days. I
wrote the April 23rd entry with much abandonment in my
heart. I knew it was the end. Jess and I had spoke of
it for quite awhile, and we were coming home to try
and start all over. The following day I gave Mr. Eric
Moro (Jon Stewart look-alike) a call and an email that
was simply desperate. We met that day, he proposed
Movie Minded to me and 4 days later I signed the
And now we come to Entry 50.
Everything's starting to come together. After
sacrificing all of 1999 to afford the entire 4tvs
dream, and 5 months of 2000 barely being able to
breathe, Jess and I have NEVER been this happy
COMPLETELY WIPED OUT AGAIN
Because of a series of
miscommunications that just can't seem to get worked
out...Jess and I won't be coming back to Columbus to
get married. After all of her work and planning and
simply extraordinary budgetting, it's all over. Not
between us mind you! But the wedding of our dreams
will just have to wait. If it was just the wedding, we
could live with it. Unfortunately by circumstances out
of our control, I'm watching Jessica go through the
hardest days of her life - and I cannot help her.
How horrid is that feeling? Here is a person who has
sacrificed right alongside me because she believes in
me. And at a time when we should be rejoicing and
finally starting to relax a bit - the rug is pulled
out from under us and money is an issue again, and so
is our emotional state.
Needless to say I'm angry and
frustrated that there's nothing I can say or do
at this point to help her. We both understand the
miscommunications, and would love to try and rectify
the situation...but the line of communication has been
abruptly cut. So you say your goodbyes...move on and
keep your chin up. Jess and I both have the character
and strength to realize the truth without flaunting it
and simply hope for the future. And what a future we
have now. I'm shooting Episodes 2 and 3 tomorrow, and
I can't wait. This "miscommunication" has actually
brought my divorced family closer together which is a
wonderful added plus, and my love for Jessica grows
with every passing day. She truly is the most
courageous, intelligent, loving person I have ever
known. She's standing up for what she believes
in...against odds that no one should ever have to
face. Honestly, murderers get more compassion.
I cannot wait to tell the world that I am married
to her. And I can only hope she feels the
ACK! UGH! PBLLLT!
ENOUGH WITH THE MUSHY STUFF! UGHH!
ACCCKK! :-) Deal with it.
for today is a
little presentation I started that
was gonna be shown at the wedding, and
given away as gifts. It's amazing how when
you have no money, you sometimes come up
with the most creative gift ideas...and
ultimately more memorable. I'm afraid that
once the money starts to come back, I'll
lose that. I sure as hell hope
Anyway, that's about it.
I reread this and let me reiterate that our
physical health is fine. I'm sorry to be
SO VAGUE here, but as was the case with
CD101, the details simply don't change the story. The
story is about me and Jessica sacrificing our present
for a better tomorrow through intense adversity. And
amazingly, right now seems to be the most adverse
situation we've ever been through. I wonder how I'll
remember 2000. 1999 was the year of the most risk. All
that money being poured into a dream with absolutely
no assurances. 1998 was the most mentally up in down
hectic year of my life. The highs and low's were just
is a testament to that. 1997 was simply the worst year
of my life. A divorce will do that for you. I'd
have to say 1996 was one of the best. My album, the
late show, getting married... It's incredible, but
from each year to the next, my life is drastically
different. I don't know anyone who's had so much
happen to them at my age. Man, at 30 I'm gonna be
spent! Wow...that's 5 years and 4 months away.
Well, again...though we say it to
each other about 10 times a day...I love you so
much honey. I hope you enjoy your video.