If you picture me in your head
when you read these...try picturing a woman instead.
It all fits this week for some reason .
So I'm on this diet. In one of my
palaur songs I say "Food does not occur to me, just
hit 153"...yeah well I just hit 188...and that's just
insane. That's 35 pounds. That's quite a bit. Now
granted, during Palaur I was a nutcase and 153
(I eventually hit 151) was not healthy, but 188
is not gonna happen. The kicker is, our scale is way
off. I got that 188 down to 178 about 10 days ago, and
then got weighed at the doctors office...
I WAS 187. That's 9 pounds off. So
I was pushing 200. That's just too damn scary.
The good news is that it's coming
off very quickly. I'm at 173. 15 pounds in 18 days.
Working out like crazy...and of course the diet. Jesus
the diet. I thought other diets required
will-power...this one is just nuts. The infamous
Atkins no-carb diet. You no-carb until your goal and
then go lo-carb for awhile. Well it definitely
freakin' works...but EVERYTHING in the world has
carbs. I mean everything. All sugar is out. No fruits,
no vegetables...I think lettuce and onions are ok. No
grains obviously or any bread...but the killer
is...that basically leaves meat, and eggs. And water.
At first I was thinking: HELL YES. I can
handle eating cheeseburgers for awhile. First week it
was cool...then I just went CRAZY. I've smelled
bread in the past 3 weeks the way one would smell the
perfume of a gorgeous woman. I've actually
LICKED a slice of bread. LOL. That lasted for
about 2 or 3 days..then the next week was fine. Now
I'm back to that stage again. It's entered my dreams.
3 nights straight I've dreamt of eating a bowl of
pasta and french fries...THE WHOLE DREAM. No
matter what I'm doing in my dream, my right hand is
holding a bowl, and the left hand is shovelling it in.
Then at the end I think: "OH SHIT...this has
carbs in it!" and I wake up. It's so strange. This is
doing insane things to my mind. I'm taking these crazy
vitamin supplements to keep everything cool and not to
kill my kidneys because of lack of keytones. Now
I just want it to be over. I feel like I'm
mentally unbalanced...perfect example:
So I pull into Wendy's and
get 3 double stacks. By the way, what a bitch it is to
try and take the bread off while you're
driving...ANYWAY...I get on the road, reach in
the bag and they put a GREAT BIGGIE fry in
there. For crying out loud. The car trip is roughly 30
minutes. So I have to try and not smell these
bastards. Well I eat my burgers...without buns that
equals about 4 bites. And there they are. So
I take a fry and smell it. Then I think:
"Hell I'll chew it up and spit it out...that should
work just fine..." For the next 5 minutes I eat every
french fry and spit it out into the leftover buns from
the burgers. I wash my mouth out with water after
every bite to make sure to ingest anything...and spit
that into a water bottle. Now let me ask you: Is there
anything at all STABLE about that scenerio? I swear
I've gone off the deep end. That's probably the most
disgusting thing I've ever done with food....uhm well
in a car anyway. Who knows.
All I know is that
it's working, and I figure by the end
of the 5th week I'll break 160 and I can
get back to normal. Enjoy the
Oh, and it's hot. Outside, it's
fine. Honestly, 100 degrees is nothing compared to
Columbus at 85. But IN our apartment, it's
incredible. Easily 20 degrees hotter...and as you know
I work on this computer all day...
What else can I whine about... :-)
Hmm...our bed! That's a good one.
Well the sofa bed is killing both Jess and I. It's
shaped like a craft matic adjustable bed, but in a bad
way. So there's an ad in the paper for a brand new,
still in the plastic, king size bed with box springs
and a frame for $350. Too good to be true really, but
we'll check it out.
Can you say hotter than the face
of the sun?
Pull up to this guy's house and
he's got about 15 mattress stacked up in his driveway
in plastic. (sigh) What do you do? I asked him
about it and he said he has a friend in Vegas that
buys them in bulk for showing rooms or something and
he gets the excess at a great price...ahem yeah. And
they aren't just a mattress...they got that pillow
layer thingee on both sides. I saw a price on one of
'em and it was $1199. (Sigh) Morals are a tough thing
sometimes. If he's selling it to us for $350, that
means he got it for $200 or $250 MAYBE, and I
guaran-goddamn-tee you there's something illegal is
happening here. Then again, he could be telling the
truth. I don't know enough about bulk mattress
buying, but if a mattress that sells for $1200 can
really be bought in bulk for $200 I'm pissed.
Anyway...we got a great bed for $350, and once we move
out of this place, I think Jes and I will be able to
feel like humans again, as opposed to dumpster divers.
It sucks, the story about finding the couch and stuff
in the dumpster was a lot more entertaining than
this...but oh well.
So we get it home (this process
was waaaaay to long for one sentence, but nevermind
that), and the sheets don't fit. (sigh) We had our
king sized sheets from our old bed from columbus and
this seemed about a half a foot narrower. That
sickening feeling of getting screwed overwhelmed us.
So we jump online and realize that California King is
actually smaller than the Eastern King. I never knew
that. And how the hell did this happen anyway? I
picture some surfer dude trying to make a king size
bed laying on the ground and having his friend draw a
line around what he thinks is king. They produce the
mattresses and find out that theirs is taller but
narrower and just say: "fuck it...this is a
CALIFORNIA king.." I don't know...but it's a nice
bed and $350 is so insanely cheap for it (for whatever
reason) that I'll shut up and enjoy it.
But I sure know how to bitch
sometimes don't I?
Oh and Movie Minded...I can still
bitch. We have to rework the entire show now. We
finally get 3 episodes under our belt and our happy,
and we find out the licensing for the trailers is
$2-8000 PER show. Hollywood is still living in the
television world of prices. They're yet to understand
the internet. Oh well. So now we have to rework
EVERYTHING to not include the actual movie, but to be
creative. We have some great ideas. I think our
reworking Movie Minded will be better...adversity is
the OTHER mother of invention. What a great
line...hmmm... Don't use it. :-)