- Entry
#89
-
- What a monumental
week in my life.
-
- It was clear 4tvs
was shaping up as a big deal. I had recorded 5 sets by
this point and was almost ready to premiere it when
some crazy things happened:
-
- 1) Two guys
with a U-Haul try to break into my apartment. I now
had 5 televisions and either they saw them through
the window...or they were from the store where
I bought the tvs. Incredibly my neighbor above
me happened to be home sick that day and heard the
racket of a crowbar at my door. He came down and
confronted them asking what they needed and luckily
it scared them off without getting him into
any shit. He saw them drive off in the U-Haul. They
were clearly about to clean me out. It would've set
back 4tvs probably forever as I put my life savings
into it and without having ever done it live, I'm
not sure I'd have the motivation to rebuild.
-
- 2) I'm at a
Clippers (minor league baseball) game and had great
seats behind the plate. A foul tip comes at my face
as fast as I've ever experienced and I move just in
time for it to slam into the back of my chair and
go kareening off into the stands. It had to be 50
mph and right at my nose. Had I not moved who knows
how bad it could've been. At worst it would've
delayed shooting more 4tvs sets for months, and it
could've easily scarred me forever. It was just so
fast. I sat there in absolute shock for
another inning and ended up leaving early. It was
like I just knew 4tvs was my ticket and
everything seemed like a risk of losing
it.
-
- 3)
HIV test. Yeah, I was stupid in 1998 and this
whole week was also the week that I was waiting 5
days for the results of that test. Those are a
loooooooong 5 days. I almost think they can do
it quicker and they draw it out just to scare the
shit out of you. Well either way it worked. It was
crazy, I imagined myslef being "that guy with
HIV" that makes it big. It was a neurotic time.
During that wait, I wrote this
song.
-
- It's not really
what the lyrics lead you to believe. It's sung from a
"God"'s perspective of trying to tell a non-believe to
believe in him. And from my perspective it was a
yearning to be able to believe in a God. I am
truly envious of people who have that. I don't. My
heart, soul, mind, body... simply can't do it. I think
God is a product of our species evolution and truly a
figment of our imagination. The truth? I don't
think we can even conceive it. That's why we come up
with fantastic stories...'cause we have to believe in
something. Well, I've never had a problem with
saying: "I don't know". And although I am envious
of those who truly can believe, my own support system
is right here: creation. Just the act of making this
song helped me through it. The creativity of writing
from a perspective of something I don't even believe
in is my support. So although I'm envious, I'm very
lucky...
-
- BELIEVE IN ME
- ORIGINAL
-
- It seems
that all your confidence rests on the
4tvs,
- I still
believe the concept is what will
eventually,
- allow you to
become the only one you've ever
dreamed,
- but lately
premonitions keep bringing you to your
knees,
-
- Unfortunately
all your dreams require more than
strength,
- Your life
always revolves around others who'll go to
lengths,
- To take what
you have earned and simply throw it all
away,
- If prying
ears had not explored their heart that
day...
-
- Believe
in me, I'm there you'll see,
- Believe
in me, you're truly free,
- If all
that you've depended on comes crashing down in
May,
- I
guarantee the hope that I provide will
say...believe.
-
- So many
situations that could have ended it
all,
- Have been
intercepted by an angel comforting your
fall,
- Indeed if
you had not looked up where would you be
today?
- Coincidences
only last if you're the one to say,
-
- Believe
in me, I'm there you'll see,
- Believe
in me, you're truly free,
- If all
that you've depended on comes crashing down in
May,
- I
guarantee the hope that I provide will
say...believe.
-
- You've
never felt like this before,
- You've
always seen the road ahead and opened every
door,
- But
there's a time, when you search for higher
ground,
- Just
let me in, you know I'll be
around,
- Around,
around, around...
-
- This
Wednesday three syllables will pronounce your final
fate,
- How horrid
one should know that that will fall on certain
dates,
- I can't
assure that you will not be shaken from her
words,
- But know if
you believe you'll have the courage to be
heard,
-
- Believe...
- Believe...
- If all
that you've depended on comes crashing down in
May,
- I
guarantee the hope that I provide will
say...believe.
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