ENTRY #164
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12:21 AM, Monday, December 31st, 2001:
Man, 10 entries in one month. That's happened ONCE since April of 2000! What a crazy month. Goddamn I thought I was going to Aspen. Anyway, I digress...
On January 2nd, 2001, my one year anniversary, I wrote this about what I wanted to accomplish in 2001:
I guess I can narrow it all down to this: direction. That's what I hope to have by 2002. A clear path... ...if someone saw 4tvs and wanted to produce a TV show around it, I'd have no problem dropping most everything and following that. I feel I've shown my everything, and continue to show it with 4tvs - so wherever it takes me, I'll follow. So that's my goal - true direction. It could happen in a month, or I could be typing the same thing years from now.
Amazingly, it was EXACTLY one month later that I achieved that. February 2nd, the lunch with Charlotte, the direction found: North. A one-man show, The Aspen Comedy Festival, and a television show. How absolutely uncanny for my wish to be granted so quickly. Now of course my expectations are so high, I can barely "think" them without laughing at myself. I will get into what I hope to accomplish in 2002 with my 2 year anniversary entry on Wednesday, but I just have to take a moment and try to put into perspective what a pivitol year this was.
I have already made it further than the majority of people who come out to LA following their dreams can ever hope. Seriously. Millions of people, and where I stand right now is beyond most of them. That's a two-fold comment of course. It shows there's a lot of clueless people out here who have the work-ethic of a... well of an actor. LOL. Just kidding fellow actors, but you know what I mean. If you're offended by that comment - I'm not talking about you. So many people come out here and are gone within a year. I beat those bitches a year ago. Another group barely hold on for 2 years. Of course the biggie is simply having representation. Not an agent mind you, but true long-term representation. That is what I feel puts me in the minority of entertainers in this city. That along with an act that is so far removed from the everyday performer that it demands attention. All of this, everything I've described, has happened in 2001.
It's scary to think what I'll be writing in a year. If "The Journey" were scripted, 2002 is my 3rd act. 2000: The Struggle, 2001: The Break, 2002: The Success. Of course that's a cycle that will continue for the rest of my life. No matter what level I'm on, there will be new challenges that will contain a struggle, break, and success - but will it ever be as dramatic? I can't imagine. Look at it this way:
Aspen was a monumental letdown. Anyone following The Journey in 2001, felt the pain in Entry #157. Well at the beginning of the year, it wasn't even a consideration...now NOT getting it is a HUGE disappointment. Easily the biggest CRASH in the entire 2 year history of "The Journey". So my GOD, what will the expectations be NEXT year? Unthinkable.
And that's what 2001 was all about. A shakedown of self-awareness. A true microscope on my talents, and my ability to be successful in this world. And with the experience of Charlotte, I was able to see just how high those expectations should be: and it's FUCKIN' high. In 2001, I looked at the rest of the world and laughed saying: "Wait'll they get a load of me". And when Aspen was so short-sighted about their "theme" that they passed on "The Trinitrons" our reaction is an adament: "You blind MO-FOS, you're gonna be kickin' yourselves in a matter of months." Of course, at the time, you could barely scrape me off the floor of depression, but in true 2001 fashion - arrogance won out.
And yes, I, am, arrogant. I am the best, I am the shit, I am the MONEY, get out of my way - or join the ship. Chest thumping, dick wagging, swaggerific Adam Kontras. LOL. Now you all know that's not EXACTLY true. I'm still oversensitve to a fault, and I'm certainly not egotistical about me as a person...but when it comes to my act, my project - back da fuck up. Ha! At some point you just gotta let go of all the politeness. I am still completely humbled when people agree with me though. I'll say that in defense of me. When people say they like the show, I'm not thinking: "You're damn straight you like it - I RULE!", I am actually sincerely grateful and so thankful for the comment. So I guess I'm not THAT arrogant. Heh.
I guess the best barometer for 2001 would be the stories that DIDN'T get their own entry, compared to what did in 2000. LOL!
In 2000, seeing some blinking lights on a mountain (that Jess and I thought was a UFO), was cause for an entry AND video.
In 2001, Eddie Griffin doing 5 minutes on 4tvs at The Comedy Store garners a PARAGRAPH.
In 2000, defrosting my refrigerator actually got a full entry and VIDEO.
In 2001, Bobcat's booking agent wanting me to tour California with Bobcat, gets a few sentences.
LOL. It really is a head-shaker. And more than anything, 2001 has made the wait for 2002 UNEARABLE. Un EAR able? Yeah, it's like Van Goh and shit, MUST RID MYSELF OF EARS. Unbearable. Heh. You can feel the anticipation, you can sense the intensity, and the build-up is truly unprecedented.
And so we come to the year-end video that again took so many hours, I dare not count. I think I've watched this baby over a dozen times. First off, I LOVE THE GLADIATOR SONG. I tried using a different song for this year, but in the end - nothing comes close. What's amazing about it is that the music fits happy AND sad. The exact same measure can feel both ways depending on the visual. That's amazing. I'm not sure I've ever noticed that about any other piece of music...then again have I ever tried to? Either way, the interesting bit about the video will easily be the placement of the climax. In 2000, it was the death of my grandmother. That event shook me so hard that it sadly even overshadowed my wedding. Of course this year we were all shocked at the horror that was 9/11...but that is not the climax of the video. Aspen is...
...and it has to be. Aspen was the build-up of the entire year. Every movement I made after February 2nd, 2001 was a movement closer to Aspen...so I thought. So when I got that final phone call - it absolutely devastated me. Yes, even more than 9/11 did. I hope that gives some insight on just how much that kicked my ass. I was so sure people. So sure. And you better believe that scares me. It shook every ounce of faith in myself to the core. That faith has been built back up quite a bit - but you better believe Aspen will be in the back of my mind for a looooooooong time.
Alright, I HAVE to end the second act already!!! I can't bear it anymore! WHAT HAPPENS IN ACT THREE?!
Tune in Wednesday to find out...
original video file