ENTRY #158
11:00 AM, Friday, December 5th, 2001:
I've got a great visual for everyone to show where we're at right now. It's been really hard to explain just what Aspen meant, and where we are without it. I think this will help.
Think of the road to success/fame/fortune and development deal as a tightrope. A tightrope I've NEVER walked before. Charlotte on the otherhand of course has LIVED at the circus her whole life. Been a part of other people getting across and been on the other side of it once they've become successful. We start to walk across with the first few shows.
Below us is a safety net - except it's not just a net. It's a trampoline. You hit this trampoline right - it'll catapult your ass to the other side, most LIKELY higher than if you'd just walked it. That trampoline was most definitely Aspen. And winning the category was the equivalent of hitting the sweet spot on that baby...
So quite obviously we were walking the tightrope rather carefree. We still planned our moves, and took each step accordingly - but with huge smiles on our faces, getting ready for the huge plunge into Aspen and the subsequent lift to the other side.
Now, it gets scary.
Not only is that sweet spot gone - the entire trampoline is GONE. The past few days have been Charlotte and I looking down. "Oh shit." Yeah, we can probably still get across - but now it's fuckin' serious. Add to everything: WIND.
The comments made in the defeat of Aspen have put both Charlotte and I into a bit of shock. They are sentiments that if carried over to other industry people we encounter, there's no way in hell I'm getting a deal in 2002. We'll fall from the tightrope, and have to find a way up the ladder back to the tight rope. Obviously the "edgy" comment hurt, but the really scary one is: I haven't "paid my dues" yet. There was a lot of "there's always next year" from Aspen. And of course, there isn't. I won't be doing this show in 2003. But the the sentiment is, that no matter what - I need to pay my dues before I waltz in.
That could very well translate into how the other rejections are formed in the coming months. No matter how amazing The Trinitrons is, no matter how incredible crowds react to it, it's my first try to these people. So they wanna know what's next. How do I top it. Come back and try again. Therein, amazingly, lies the rub: I can't.
How on EARTH, can you show more talent than with The Trinitrons? From the characters, to the acting, to the singing, to the songwriting, to the scriptwriting, to the potential for television, to the "looks", to the editing, to the innovation, to the creativity, to the WORK ETHIC. What more can I possibly do? If The Trinitrons doesn't work...what do I become? Charlotte says "actor".
"You need to start thinking of yourself as an actor" she says. (sigh) - If that's what this path becomes next year...I may be on my way out. If I become yet another headshot along with 20,000 others looking to get a walk-on in a sitcom: I'm dead. My heart will die. Of course I am getting headshots (the 13th), amd will do whatever necessary to get more exposure. I know I need it. Including the cattlecalls and bit parts - WHATEVER. But that's only with the knowledge that The Trinitrons is the true showcase - and I'm only doing this "other stuff" to round out the resume. From the sound of it though - that's how Charlotte thinks I may have to get in.
It's all of this, that really sets the tone for the next few months. It's very tense folks. There's a desperation that has certainly never been equated with The Trinitrons. Basically, if I have no offers by the end of February, I most likely won't in 2002. You can only sign up so much talent in a year, and by Aspen, quotas are usually filled.
So we're both at the beginning of this tightrope, with NOTHIN' - not even a net, and Charlotte's already preparing me for the fall. That a development deal can still happen, but I need to think of myself as an actor, and hope for parts. Whew. How quickly will Adam become a headshot and resume? Tune in NEXT time on "THe Journey".
Oh, and I'm done writing now until most likely after the Xmas Show on the 14th. So you can expect an entry on that Saturday. It'll easily be more uplifting than this. And I want to thank Kyle Pees for giving me a Casey Kasem clip that lead to me finding this flash for the video entry. It made me laugh quite a bit. I almost think the last part of it is funnier if you DON'T watch the animation. Either way - it's classic. And for some reason I can't run it on the page, you have to download it into your computer. Ahh well, you'll wanna save this.