- 1:00 PM,
Wednesday, December 5th, 2001:
-
- What a day. My
internet has been down for over 2 days. I'd rather
lose ANYTHING but my internet connection. My water, my
heat, my cable, tv, videogames...anything.
Consequently - this morning is when I finally uploaded
the last 2 entries. The past 2 days has been spent
uploading it all LONG DISTANCE on a 1.7k
connection then find out, I can't email anyone to tell
'em it's up. LOL. Finally this morning, Catnaz gave me
a temporary dial-up while my cable modem connection
gets figured out. Apparently the company my cable
service runs through went out of business, and I could
be down for weeks. But I'm up now, and it's amazing
the relief I felt when I was finally connected.
It's like I got the IV in. So much work to do online
right now. Aside from all the 4tvs stuff,
Letters
to Lennon
is goin' pretty crazy with George's death. I need to
get all the letters up. But of course today is also
the meeting.
-
- I know it's a
lunch meeting, so it's either already happened, or is
RIGHT freakin' now. I wonder if Charlotte is
stakin' out a bunch of restaurants right now...LOL.
God, imagine if it was at Callendar's and Jess was
still workin' there? God what if it is, and she isn't!
Either way, at 1:13 PM I have no idea. Awaiting the
call. Oh shit I'm on a dial-up!!!! Guess who can't
call!!!! DOH. Hang on.
-
- Ok, no messages.
Alright, I have nothing to say. I am now EXPECTING to
hear that I got in with all these new
developments. So I've basically set myself to be
disappointed TWICE. What a mess.
-
- 3:48
PM
-
- I've set up the
camera like a loser for whenever this call comes. LOL.
Already had one nevrvous moment where I thought
it was Charlotte on a bad cell phone connection. God
wouldn't that just suck. I'm really starting to lose
it. It's now most likely been decided. It's all
whether or not Alyssa (Aspen judge) decides to call
us. Whether Grace Wu decides to call us...or what. I'm
sure Charlotte is going nuts as she has all the access
to these numbers and places to leave a message. Fuck
it, I gotta call Charlotte... Damnit she's not
answering!!!! If I can't get ahold of her - how
the fuck can anyone else!! Or maybe she knows! Maybe
she wants to tell me in person?!?!!
FUCK WHY MUST I DO THIS TO MYSELF!
WHAT ON EARTH WOULD MY VOCABULARY BE WITHOUT THE WORD "FUCK"?!?!!?
-
- (sigh)
-
- Man how am
I gonna start this entry? I just realized that I
can't have the conclusion at the very end... Or can I?
Would any of you not skip ahead? I want so badly for
you all to go through the same shit I'm going through
- and not to know while you're reading this. But if it
is all over by the end of this day - you'll most
assuredly have skipped ahead. I sure as hell would.
-
- Got ahold of
Charlotte - she said she couldn't talk she'd call
right back. DAMNIT. Man, I cannot think of more
intense moments of waiting in my entire life. Man, is
this what my life is gonna become? Maybe that's the
secret of celebrity. All you do is deal with this
shit. EVERY STEP OF YOUR CAREER.
Waiting for a call to a call to a call that will
finally get to you. Hmmmm... It's strange, for some
reason - I don't mind at all that Charlotte knows
everything before I do and than relays the info
to me. Not sure why that doesn't annoy me - but it
doesn't. Knowing me you'd think it would.
Hmmm...That's a strange little thing about me I just
realized. It's a good thing, 'cause it's not like I
could have it any other way really. Ok. I'm done until
the call...I hope.
-
- 5:59
PM
-
- I'm too
mainstream, they want more edgy. End. Of. Story. It's
all finally over. Grace Wu was kind enough to call
after a loooooooooong meeting that took place in an
HBO boardroom. She said she pushed, but they want
edgier one man shows for this year's theme at Aspen.
Wiped out. Completely deflated. Today I was so, so, so
sure it would happen. And then to hear I'm not "edgy".
It sucks because 4tvs, and how it all works and what
I'm doing - is edgy. The finished product however is
just funny. Even though it's pee your pants funny, and
an incredible crowd pleaser - it has no real edgy
satire to it. The biggest laughs are Spencer coming on
to Adam. The only way that is edgy is when you think
to yourself (Adam's coming on to himself)...heh. But
again - the edginess is WITHIN the show, not on the
surface.
-
- So I can't
really be upset. Their decision makes sense. The show
simply wouldn't fit with what they're trying to
accomplish. They keep mentioning next year, and we
keep sighing knowing that this will not be performed
in a year. So it's now our mission to get every single
person who is going to Aspen anyway, to see the show
BEFORE the festival and get some offers. As I
said in entries previous, this may actually speed up
the process a bit. It will be a little harder, and
Aspen would've made it smoooooooth...but somehow
things in my life always come together.
-
- Anyway, I am
incredibly bummed. I am tired, and hungry - it's
6:30 PM, and I haven't even thought of eating yet
today. Shit, I can tell myself there's nothing
I could've done - but it still wipes me out
emotionally. That's just how disappointments go. You
can't ignore disappointments. You can't cover them up.
You can't move on right away. You gotta revel in it a
little - you gotta sing the blues for a bit. It's the
only way I can truly move on. Gotta be bummed and play
Tom Waits albums. And pretty soon I'm gonna have to do
the Cameron openings for the Christmas Show here at
the apartment complex and Largo at which point I begin
to move on.
-
- Damnit,
I just realized something. Last year in December
I did a video. Called it a dozen shots and a
dozen dreams. I may have mentioned this
before...anyway - this December was gonna be the
incredible turn around. And although it still is -
what a tremendous one it would've been with Aspen
coming. Ahh well - maybe before the new year hits
there'll be something new to cheer about. But
I have a feeling this year is gonna end roughly
bittersweet.
-
- Adam.
-
-
- original
video file
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