ENTRY #141
7:34 PM, Tuesday, September 11th, 2001:
I have nothing to add to any of the events that have occured today. In fact I'm quite sick of people in this community feeling they have to give their 2 cents worth on the issue as if their view is any different. Many of you probably didn't have this, but there's been quite a few "celebrities" jumping on camera telling how "they felt". Disgusting. We're all just shocked. We're all incredibly sad. And we're all pissed.
So I write this with only me in mind. I just want some account of my feelings when I look through this in the future, and it seems irresponsible for me not to document my feelings in this "journey" with what most assuredly has changed my life forever.
At this point, after 12 straight hours of headaches, I have an overwhelming feeling of appreciation for my life just 24 hours ago. I feel like someone has taken my freedom away from me and it REALLY angers me. I want what I came out here to do to be a reality. I want the freedom to move in the way I see fit. I want to fly home in a few weeks and not be scared, and not have to have a CAVITY search to get on the plane...
I saw the 2nd tower collapse live and I have to say, I can't remember being more shaken. To feel as if you're in the midst of an attack, with all these reports of 5 or 6 places being hit - and being completely helpless. I couldn't help but tear. Then I had to leave a message for Jessica as she's in her hotel room and had her cell phone off. As I tried to explain what was happening I was just breaking down. I finally got ahold of her and as I tried to explain it again - I just couldn't get it out. Such shock. And when you tell someone what's happening it becomes real, and you almost can't believe the words coming out of your mouth.
The only thing I can think to say to anyone reading this is: do everything you can to not change your life. Do not let this make you live in fear. I have to get on a plane in a few weeks, and I will. I will not change my day-to-day life because of this incident, and I pray the rest of the country will do the same. We can never be completely unaffected by today's events, but try and be aware of it. I understand they have cancelled the sporting events and entertainment events - but I pray it goes on tomorrow. We freakin' NEED a baseball game tomorrow. We don't need to mire in this. We need some fantasy...we need to laugh. Of course we still have Dan Rather for that.
I swear to GOD, this man needs to retire. So far my favorite quote is: "This looks like a scene from the end of the world. It was the end of the world...trade center" Yeah good one Dan. (sigh). Though I have to thank Chris Johnson for allowing me to laugh in the midst of all this. He instant messaged me online: "Oh my god...I can't believe it. This is amazing..." I respond with a "yeah". Moments pass and he continues with: "I can't believe this. Why would Michael Jordan come back?" It may seem like he was trivializing but I laughed my ass off. And it's about the only time I did all day.
But I again urge everyone to get that sense of humor back and move about in a respectful, yet determined way. Watch movies, play video games, laugh - BE FREE. The longer we alow this to effect us, the worse the effects will be. Don't feel like a bad person for wanting to have "fun" while such a tragedy continues. A worse tragedy is having this attack kill what makes this country so amazing.
Later this week I'll update you on some other things happening, and try my best to not dwell on how sad this day is.
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