ENTRY #140
YouTube and Feedback links added 02.12.09
(I fully intended for the title to make you sing that song)
1:34 PM, Friday, August 31st, 2001:
In the tradition of great news on round numbers in this "journey" I will do my best to hide how amazingly depressed I am.
For a plethora of reasons (only one of which was being underpaid) Jess began looking for a new job early this summer. It was actually kind've fun for her. She interviewd with UCLA for some stuff, went to job fairs. I have to admit - it was wonderful watching her explore career options. You could see her confidence grow as she saw how impressed people were with her resume and ability. Nothing gives me more pride than to see her grow independent of me out here. Knowing that I was the sole reason for her coming out here, it's heartwarming to see her succeed - and truly necessary for our relationship. Not sure if I can handle much more guilt in this department. Had she just been doing shitty work all this time and gaining nothing personally out of it - I'd be a wreck. To see her have some fulfillment and respect from her peers is just awesome.
So she is now in training (out of town for MONTHS. I'll get to that later)...for Boston Market. Yes the recent McDonalds acquisition (along with Donatos and Chipotle for you Columbus natives...) decided to pay Jess quite a bit more than she was making at Callendars...as well prep her for a general management position at a Woodland Hills store next year. So this is a lateral move for now, but they want the GM training to start in February. May seem a long ways away until you realize the training for even the lateral move is 3 months. Yes, 3 months - out of town - in a hotel. Sweet sunuva bitch that is a long time. It's a little over an hours drive depending on traffic...and although it's not that long - when you work 11 hours a day...it certainly is. The tentative plan is me going up there once a week, and of course her coming back during her 2 days off. It'll probably be kind've fun for about a month...but it's depressing the ever-lovin' hell out of me. My whole life revolves around Jess. Her schedule is MY schedule since I've turned into a slave to Bob (more on THAT later - it's gonna be a big entry)...so I am just wallowing in the duldrums. Anyway, so far the training is nothing to write home about, though she admitted to nearly crying when she put on her "Boston Market" hat. LOL. As a trainee she has to wear it, and it sure feels like one step up from McDonalds. Calendar's was quite swanky....stars galore...uhm no hats. Heh. But it's only for training - and the money is well worth it. In fact, it officially changes our lives out here. Which scares the shit out of me. So welcome to depression point #1:
I wholeheartedly believe the "struggle" is what has made me survive. It's different for everyone, but for me in particular - I have to be barely makin' it to be my most productive. I need to be scared. I need to be close to chaos. Having no money in 2000 made me create some INCREDIBLE things. God what a year! Scrimping and saving and scheming and thinking... that feeling is dissipating quickly. We're gonna be fine, the bills are gonna be paid with or without me now. Though it should be a sense of security...it isn't. No I take that back - IT IS...and I don't WANT that security yet...but I do - DAMNIT.
Now partner that with what may be the most non-productive month of my life and you see how my spirit is dying. I don't even give a shit about The Trinitrons anymore. Again, of course I do...but I don't think about it anymore. I can watch a whole movie and concentrate on just the movie!!! As much as I'm happy that money won't be so much of an issue now, I semi-yearn for debt. I am indebted to people that gave us money when we came out here, and they'll get a check the second that development deal is signed, but the day-to-day struggle is what I am beginning to miss. And you can blame all that on Bob.
Bob, who probably still has never even heard of what we've been telling his agents, is haulting my entire life. As well, Bob's face is on tv twice a day and it makes me crazy. So much time has been wasted trying to get his agents to even speak to us. The one guy we had talked to went on vacation and "handed it off to another agent" - she had no clue who we were and we had to start all over.
Made her a new tape, here's the first minute with MJ's new song behind it, and have yet to hear back from her. I just want an answer - I honestly dont care if it's no. He's playing tonight at the Laff Factory - I should just go up to him with a tape and ask if he could help me out.
Man, I'm not doing to well at keeping his anonymity am I. LOL. You could call Laff Factory and see what "Bobs" are playing and solve the mystery. Not that it would be a big deal if I said who he was right now anyway...just trying to do everything right as to not screw up our chances.
Bob, I swear to GOD it'd take about 20 minutes of your time. PLEASE my fellow comic man. PLEASE. Heh.
And GODDAMNIT I miss J-Dog. I am so pissed about this. I just know some "neighbor" saw him outside of the complex more than once and decided he/she could provide a better home for J than I could. Sunuvabitch...if that was true - I would truly have to be restrained. I can't stand not knowing what happened to J. (sigh)
Oh, the fire thingee last entry was quite amazing, and no one was hurt. Just in case any of you were truly hanging on the cliff that was entry #139. I have a little video but it's rather unimpressive especially over the net. The new Trinitrons bit is better.
So there it is... what a strange way to be depressing. More money, struggling less, and sitting on my ass for a month doing nothing. This makes me want to shoot myself.
How bizarre.
original video file