The moment you're
older than your father was when he had you, is indeed
a moment. Your perspective shifts. Assuming you
haven't had children when this happens, it's a true
moment of feeling like an adult. Damn that means my
brother won't feel that way until he's 39. HAHAHA.
Anyway, I don't remember hearing anyone speak of this.
I could assume that it's just me, but then how fun
would that be?
My relationship
with my father was "different" from the beginning. My
parents were divorced when I was 7 and prior to
that my memories of him were few and far between. He
was on the road quite a bit near the end of his
marriage to my mom and came OFF the road right as
they split. He was my dad, but not in the way most
people see their dads at 7 years old.
My big memories
came in the next 5 years as the time I spent with him
were always fun. Welcome to divorce world. The
"one-minute father" gets to be the cool guy while mom
has to be the wicked witch. It's funny now, but quite
difficult for my mom at the time - as I would come
home from weekends with my dad and be quite the little
prick. Going to school and doing homework just
couldn't compete with seeing movies and eating
fast-food.
When I hit my
teens I started singing and writing songs. I had
written instrumentals for many years, but now I was
writing "pop" songs. Oddly enough, I didn't sing in
front of my dad until I was 15. Even then
I videotaped it and left it for him to see after
I had gone to bed.
I set up this
strange paradox where all I had to do was fall
asleep and my dad would hear me sing. If I stayed
awake I wanted to go get the tape and hide it. The
following morning my dad didn't say a word. LOL. He
was so busy in his morning ritual (don't fuck with
this man's schedule), that he didn't even think of it.
I finally went up to him asking about the tape.
"Oh, you can sing..." as if he never doubted it. That
lead to recording with my dad later that year and
eventually doing my first tape and cd projects with
him.
Recording with my
dad started as a huge thrill, being I was
participating in the career I saw him in my whole
life. It was a common bond that really made us close.
By the time I was a senior in highschool we had made
enough songs (all in spare time) to put together my
first cassette right as he was doing his
first...
Yeah,
laugh all you want. But there's only
52
copies in the world, and
someday...
As I entered
college we added a few songs, took a few off and made
much better copies on much better tape and released
"Tomorrow"
Yeah, laugh
all you want. But there's only
100 copies in
the world, and someday...
During this time
we started butting heads for the first time. The
bottom line is my father didn't trust my musical
instincts. I'd want to build the drums one way, and he
would say it wasn't done that way. Needless to say it
got ugly a few times. I actually tried recording
that song (Stronger Than Before) at someone else's
studio with absolutely atrocious results. So bad that
it's actually a common joke now between us. God
I wish I could find that tape.
In 1995 I got the
WTVN gig and my relationship with my father changed
instantly. That trust and respect I felt was missing
was immediate when my father saw me holding my own at
19 at a talk radio station. Everything changed. And
with the success of that show the release of a CD was
a logical next step.
Yeah, laugh
all you want. But there's only
700 copies
still sitting in my living
room...
This was the last
time my dad and I recorded together. It was actually
quite an enjoyable experience with very little
disagreements. He certainly disagreed with me a few
times but seemed a bit more adventurous.
I remember wanting to just bang on his
out-of-tune piano during "Say It To Me" and him
feeling that wasn't that great of an idea. As it
stands I think it gives the song a more natural
feeling. And therein lies the reason this was it. Our
musical tastes just went in different directions. At
WTVN I had access to a digital recording studio and
was able to put together my own a capella songs. I
didn't necessarily love a capella but it was mine. It
was the first time I had control. It's why when
I released "Hearing My Thoughts" I did it all in
black and white with the disc being completely white.
The opposite of the more colorful and produced
"Stronger". Every sound on the disc was "natural" and
without reverb or special effects. I was able to
sing my mind and during my divorce, I certainly needed
to do that.
Which brings us to
what I felt at the time was gonna kill our
relationship. That freakin' divorce. In mid-July of
'97 Burgundie came to me and said she didn't have
"those feelings" for me. In fact she was feeling them
for others. She hadn't acted on them but knew this was
a problem. Well what I thought was a bump in the road
was soon OVER. By the end of July Burg said we would
sign the seperation papers NOW because it took 6 weeks
of seperation to file for the divorce. I was
absolutely, positively SLAMMED. So on August 1st we
signed the papers. The NEXT DAY my dad went off
on me because I was moping around at his house
and my temproary room was a mess. Said I had to
MOVE ON and get over it. It had been a matter of
hours since the seperation papers were signed! I never
missed one SECOND of work during the whole ordeal
and I felt I reacted quite well considering. The
following week when I talked about it on the air
even infuriated him more because I made it "public"
and some relatives heard about the divorce on the air.
I didn't have a choice in my mind. I couldn't
talk to my mom...the mere mention of Burg's name made
her cry. My dad made it clear who he thought was to
blame, and I had spent the last 4 years of my
life pursuing my career and being with Burg -
I had no friends. The Late Show listeners were
the only people that would...listen.
As I think of it
now, I can't understand why this all happened. We've
really never talked about this since it happened. I
think in the end, time heals all wounds. Period. Even
though we've never worked out these differences: it
doesn't matter - though now I'm curious again -
LOL.
My last 2 years in
Ohio were pretty much the same. Things in my mind were
strained between us. I wouldn't really talk to him
about anything for fear of bringin up the past.
Everything was rebuilt though in less than a
year...
On June 30th of
1999 my dad saw me perform 4tvs for the first time.
I remember him coming up to me after my first set
and saying: "This is gonna work. Maybe not in this
city, but this is gonna work." He was genuinely
excited for me. When I lost my job at CD101 and
decided to move to LA, our relationship was cemented.
That day was so emotional. Everyone fighting back the
tears, many of us losing...and me standing in my
father's shoes more than my own. Watching your son
drive off to California, breaking the common path you
shared with him. I was taking the step that my dad
didn't take (having a kid can do that to ya), and that
made all the difference of the world.
It was an
immediate closeness we've held ever since. I'm as
excited about telling my dad shit that happens out
here as I am living it myself. It's unique to say the
least. It's also all predicated on the basis of us
never having a real father-son relationship. We are 2
men in different stages of life that have a mutual
respect for each other. We're friends. I'd do anything
to help his career and vice-versa. On top of that,
things are going well out here which certainly doesn't
hurt.
Which
leads us to me going back home and
"Singin'
with
Dad".
Watching this video for the first time
that night just hit me really hard. There
I was, a man at 25...best friends with my
dad who is twice my age. I imagined
showing MY kids this video in the
years to come. Just one of those moments
captured in time doing what we both love
to do and have built our entire lives
around. When you're a kid you can't
imagine what you'll be doing when you're
an adult. Being able to go to one of my
dad's shows and perform with him is a
great feeling. Now if I can only get him
to do a 4tvs set...
