ENTRY #111
YouTube and Feedback links added 12.21.07
1:31 PM, Friday, February 28th, 2001:
I guess in the back of my head, as 4tvs first started heading the way of comedy...that my "music" career was gonna take a back seat, and eventually fade away. Last night I truly realized the changing of the guard. My music career, as I envisioned it, will never be. By choice of course, I'm chosing to go another route, but there's no going back.
It doesn't mean my days as a songwriter are over, or even composing music at all is over. I can still write for others, and as I see the reaction to my music score on the independent film - the idea of that music in a "commercial" capacity becomes strikingly clear. But the solo guy who releases his cds, and the personal music I write will either be no more, or be written (gulp) for someone else to sing. It's strictly a financial move. Cashing in on a talent, when my true calling lies in comedy, or acting. My musical talent cannot be ignored, and should be pursued financially, but that certainly isn't what I wanted at 16 or even at 24.
It all started with music. My dad was in music, I played piano and sang...but immediately did funny stuff. It's crazy I found some old notes I wrote when I was 15 in 1991. I had written a parody song about the Clarence Thomas Hearings on TV. Talking about how it was "TV suicide"...some good stuff actually. But I guess the writing was on the wall. But all I wanted to do was be a solo artst.
I started recording with my father my sophomore year in school...did "Thursday" the exact version on my first CD. A year later we got some more done, and by early 1994 I made the insanely embarrasing "Unreal" - you can check my projects section for all of that. From that point on, that's what I wanted. By the time college rolled around, we made "Unrea" into "Tomorrow" and I sold it in college and got into radio so I could sneak my songs onto the air. By the end of my freshman year I was doing so well in radio that my teacher got recommended me for WTVN and I got the job at 19. That summer, I started doing all talk, and making my first CD, and going to school and losing my mind. By April of 1996 I quit college and my life changes. The talk show brought out a million creative juices I never knew I had. Comedy, adn The Boyles and music, and just EVERYTHING. I still wanted the record contract but there was much more.
As that progressed into my eventual firing of early 1998...the final piece fell into place: CD101. Doing sound for all the bands that came into the big room and getting aggrivated because I wasn't actively pursuing music. I was releaseing "Hearing My Thoughts", all a capella, and wanted so badly to perform - then in November came 4tvs. Originally a tool to push my music career, it was very apparent by the 2nd day of shooting (The Rhythm Set) - that it was funny. I soon wanted to do it all really funny...that along with the tons of parody songs I did on CD101 - it all fit. So much so that I was willing to part with the production company helping me to keep doing the comedy. God it seems so obvious. Still as I came to LA, the thought that the original music and me as a singer would stand out prevailed...but then something strange happened.
The productive-creative part of me really shined in 2000. Just that I wanted to do so much, and COULD...that it became apparent to me that a record contract would SUCK. It would limit me. Still the dream lived on that I could do both.
Last night, Charlotte and I had a meeting trying to lock down the framework for "The Trinitrons" I began playing Charlotte all my music. Her first reaction was: "Why haven't you followed this before?" I explained the evolution and she made it very clear that I should push this as a "writer". Even the a capella songs on commercials (kind of the way Moby has) seemed obvious to her.
The reaction to my music as a score for "Pep Talk" has been overwhelmingly positive as has the reaction to it for "Bitches" (thus this entry's video clip). It's obvious there's a freshness to it that works in quirky "not-so-mainstream" avenues, which ad agencies may really, really want. The ballads and serious music being written for other artists. It's at this point that it all kind of became clear. That would be the ONLY way for me to continue musically - especially with how 4tvs and The Trinitrons is shaping up. My musical career will be behind the scenes. Now, and especially later if I become known as "funny" first. And that is a foregone conclusion now.
So I guess it's been obvious to many of you, but you gotta understand that in the past 24 hours, it's as if everything I've been for 10 years has just been knocked down a few notches. The tough part is I still stronlgy feel I could make it in the music business as a singer/songwriter, but I would have to totally ignore the creative side that involves so much more than music. And I simply cannot and will not do that. I am much more fulfilled creatively when the art involves EVERYTHING. I've known this for quite some time, and finally last night I realized that I have now chosen, and there's really no turning back. There's no reason to turn back...this is right.
As well Charlotte explained to both Jess and I a bit more about the money aspect of everything, and how it all works - what to expect. It's truly inconceivable to me right now, and I cannot think of it without getting knots in my stomach. The smallest amounts of money would mean the world to Jess and I right now, and what's being talked about here is not small. I guess in the TV world it's small, but nowhere else is it. And the most exciting part is my competition, and what the studio execs are looking for. "The Trinitrons" as it's being written, will completely put me head and shoulders above the rest of the pack. It shows so much, and is so unique....whew. As I've said before, for the first time in my life - my success doesn't rely on votes, or ratings, or record sales, or luck (not that much anyway), or praying the right person walks in, or hoping...We KNOW the audience, we KNOW what they want, we KNOW how to write the show to their specifications, and we have the tool of 4tvs that no one in the world has which can pull it all off in a completely MIND BLOWING manner.
Evolutionary Extinction. It was bound to happen. But christ, can you imagine someone else singing "Sleep, Baby Sleep"? Man, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to handle that. Then again, I'll always have the original memoriesn and song...and I'd love for the world to sing that song to their children. Even if they think it's someone else's song. (sigh)
Ya can't win 'em all. You always have to sacrifice to move ahead. Those who don't...stay in one place forever, and I've come way too far for that now.
Hmmm, I bet I could write a song about that...LOL.
original video file