Well tragedy is a
bit harsh, but my life certainly is the OPPOSITE of
what it was when I performed at "The Comedy Store" a
year ago today. That entry was entitled
"Incomprehensible". Whew, I shudder to think of where
I thought I'd be a year later. God this all sucks.
This whole friggin' journal sucks. I completely
brought it on myself too. I should have every right to
be struggling for a job and having no idea how I'm
gonna make ends meet without the whole world watching.
It's embarrassing....it sucks. Jess needs to schedule
her classes on December 9th (my first wedding
anniversary-sigh), and if I don't have some
semblance of a stable job, she can't. I feel like for
the first time I'm truly going to fail my wife, and
make her miss a quarter or even more.
Turns out that
Michele's work is very, very part-time and different
every week depending on her schedule so I can't depend
on any true salary there. It'll be great for
"extra-income" but she simply can't sustain a
full-time position, and I completely understand. I'll
still be working quite often with her for the
remainder of the year and beyond, but at this point I
would make more money at Burger King. Unfortunately
(although I totally would work anywhere), even 80
hours a week at Burger King wouldn't cover our bills.
I'm in some serious shit.
Anyway,
I still have a few more avenues to pursue, and
it's feasible I could still accomplish something in
the next 4 weeks - but I'm a freakin' wreck of stress
right now. I want to hide this all from Jess, and not
bitch and moan, but we're always so goddamn honest
with each other. Heh. Absolute honesty has always
served us beutifully, so I'm not gonna start hiding
feelings from her now. And by the way, if she looks
fat in something - I fucking tell her. Not sure
where that came from, but just thought I'd add that.
Actually most of the time I'm just aggrivated that
she's put on 4 outfits for 20 minutes when we're late,
but whenever she asks - I'm always honest. Ya just
gotta be.
As far as my
career was concerned, I've also always been able to
joke about bad times with "Oh...something always comes
around..." Well with money? No luxury. $3000 a month
doesn't just fall in your lap, even if you're willing
to work 16 hours a day. And that's what we need
AFTER TAXES. LOL. God this city is
expensive...
...and both tires
on the passenger side of my car are completely flat.
THE FUCK? HAHAHAHA. IT NEVER ENDS! Same
side my January accident was on of course. They aren't
sliced - so maybe it's something simple and won't mean
replacing them both - but goddamn what a mess. I don't
have 2 spares!! Ugh. Spare on one, jack on another -
and drive the tires to the shop in the pickup. Sounds
like we live in West Virginia eh? Heh.
Oh, and I was nice
and didn't mention this before - but now I'm pissy, so
I might as well say it - "Soiree -Thrower" was evicted
for threatening our apartment manager over the whole
J-Dog incident BULLSHIT last month. Isn't that just
perfect? J-Dog was not only moved because of this
asshole but has now been missing for 2 months and the
dude doesn't even live here anymore. Isn't that just
poetic. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
And of
course the date. Marking the absolute
peak
of my
career
and happiness a year ago. God, just listen
to that. Gives me chills. That night and
the surrounding hoopla was so magnificent
that even at the time I knew there'd be
some sort of a letdown. It's the karmic
balance that follows me. My highs are
always met with lows. Always. I can't get
away from it. The second things feel good
I start to close-up because BAM - it's
comin. I figured losing Aspen was the
balance but whew - it went further than
that. Oh well. I'm actually not
concentrating too much on it. It certainly
is the past.
Dropped off more
headshots to my agency and asked one of the associates
about submitting to Aspen. I'm emailing her all the
names I know and hopefully she can get my DVD and
tape to the right hands. At this point I'm almost
certain that Charlotte wasn't telling me the whole
truth about Aspen and that my chance of getting in is
slim to none. You gotta love the fact that in all my
dealings with her for the year, that I never actually
spoke to anyone. All through her. (sigh). Lesson
learned.
The other big
variable here is of course the talent agency. Hell a
few jobs through them and it could go a long way to
relieveing a bit of this stress. Can't depend on it
though. That is absolutely "extra".
God, I just don't
want to let Jessica down. It sucks to have to pray for
a miracle, but the only way I can see pulling off that
kind of money consistently forever. Hopefully my video
editing skills will get me something. Too bad my
resume sucks. Oh well - all I need is the shot, even
starting at slave wages. I'll prove myself in a matter
of days.
Wish me luck. This
is gonna be a scary couple of weeks.
