Actually, after
seeing the new "Bi-Polar" disorder commercial on TV, I
guess I'm not. I believe I have pretty legitimate
reasons to feel as depressed as I have, and in turn as
excited as I was. I'm pretty logical when it comes
down to it. With all the information I had, I had
every reason to be STOKED a year ago. As well, unless
you were the world's most BLINDLY arrogant
person, the beginning of this year would've kicked
your ass.
But I'm starting
to feel it again. I'm starting to get those pangs of
exhiliration when a good idea hits. It's all tempered
with mild doses of pessimism, but I'm starting to see
the road again. I don't feel completely lost anymore.
And the creative Adam is finally coming back. Before
I get into everything, I just have to show y'all
a piece of a locked entry that has been kicking my ass
for 6 months now. Some shit just can't stay locked,
and because of her insistence on me changing her name,
I can talk a bit more openly about Charlotte
without fear of some legal repercussion. The following
exchange occured right after the bathtub sequence and
when I pretty much told Charlotte I was done. This was
from an instant message:
"performing
is what fuels you...creating isn't because if it were
you would be doing just that when you are not
performing, with or without me"
Whew. Now, anyone
who knows me - who ever listened to all the songs I
wrote, the hundreds of bits and characters
I created in radio - and understood the
progression of 4tvs knows this is a false statement.
Period. But imagine if your manager told you this
after spending a year with you. Someone you completely
trusted, albeit within moments of breakdown - but it
was still her honest opinion. You know what it does?
It allows self-doubt to creep in. Couple that with
about 10 other things she said to me that did the same
thing (this is just the one that has stayed with me
the longest) and you see the state I was in. For
someone to be so close to me and feel this way
absolutely, positively mindfucked me. This from a guy
who "created" more at 25, than anyone I've ever
heard of. Not to be an egotist - but if you really
look at the body of work presented in just the 2 Late
Show Anthologies alone...whew. And this is all with
ZERO "performing". No clapping from an audience -
nothing. The love of creation and challenging my mind
to fill 6 hours of dead space each show with creative
and enjoyable content. Here I am defending her MORONIC
words...lol. But again, I digress. Just realize that
this quote, goes through my mind everyday. Not that I
want to prove her wrong (how could I possibly prove
her right???!? LOLLOL), but it's just there. Hanging
over me.
Now, to the
bi-polar shit. And why I'm all giggly and happy. First
and foremost, Michele's manager is hella-busy and not
taking on any clients right now, but gave Michele some
good ideas of people to contact and was genuinely
curious about my predicament. Michele next told me of
a book of personal managers I could get that would
help me make a battle plan for getting the right
person. God love her. I can't believe this shit even
exists. The bookstore this was at "SAM FRENCH" is
like a goldmine of information ALL related to the
business. I could spend DAYS in there. Invaluable
for info. Anyway - the book is incredible. Not only
does it have a huge list of managers and the exact
types they manage - but it has a foreward section by
the author, Keith Wolfe, that basically tells EXACTLY
what a good manager should and shouldn't do. WOW. This
may be the best $12 I've ever spent. Thank you, thank
you, thank you Michele for telling me about
this.
Not that she's
finished by any stretch...she calls her commercial
agents and sets up a meeting with them for me on
Monday. She told them everything that had happened
with Charlotte and what I did, and they were genuinely
excited. Michele even admitted that she is not one to
usually "use" her contacts this way - but for some
incredible reason she is willing to help.
Unbelieveable. I'm working on a voice-over demo tape
as we speak, and will have yet another card up my
sleeve as well for the meeting... CUE
NEXT COOL MOMENT NOW:
So my original
plan was to take a good chunk of the money I made from
the DVDs and make 50 promo DVDs that I would simply
send out to managers. Yes, it would be an absolute
CHUNK-O-CHANGE, but the product is good enough and who
has a DVD?! Then again...who has a DVD player in
these offices.... Grrrr. And as in the case on Monday
there will be times when I will get a short 3-5 minute
interview and be able to hand over my headshot and
resume, that DVD will have a hard time getting seen.
On top of that, the DVD doesn't work in some
really old DVD players. DOH. If I could only
Bring a DVD player and TV with me to just
show em like THIRTY SECONDS to give them an
idea of what the hell 4tvs is, maybe I coul....
Hey wait....
Hells
yes.
Believe it or not
these mofos are runnin' UNDER $300 now. And with one
of these in my pocket on an interview, it will be such
an easy way to let people "get" what the hell I'm
talking about. As well - dude, if this doesn't scream
"I've got my shit together" I don't know what does.
The show itself, the fact that I have it on DVD, and
the fact that it's in my POCKET... godDAMN. Most
people out here don't even have the common sense to
get legitimate headshots... so anyway - I'm STOKED.
I'm no longer doing the 50 DVD thing, I'm just going
to try and set up as many meetings as humanly possible
armed with all this stuff. A lot of the good managers
are by referral only - so I hope Michele can
help. Either way, I am ready to go boy. This seems
like such an obvious investment...
But wait, are we
done? No. A couple weeks back a dude I've known for a
bit at the apartment complex came to me with an idea.
He had seen what I did, read "The Journey" and really
wanted to throw this idea at me. I need to be
semi-vague because we agreed to keep it hush for a
bit. Anyway, I threw HIM an idea I had been
sitting on for a bit and we really hit it off. In the
coming weeks we'll be writing quite a bit and
I expect nothing but good to come of this. I've
needed a strong, hungry, creative mind to knock on my
door - and well, that's exactly what he did. He's very
busy with some video projects right now, but has been
adament that he's extrememly interested in pursuing
this - and I really believe that he's the partner
I need to start/finish this. As well, I just
have to get the Charlotte writing monkey off my back.
A healthy creative relationship will just be so
refreshing.
So this is the end
of the entry...right? HELLLLLLS No. LOL. One last
thing to be happy about before I fall
asleep...
Can you believe
it? I'm actually going to see a friggin' Beatle. I
never in a million years thought I would - but my dad
got the chance to see him on the 10th and immediately
called me and said:
"YOU WILL GO TO THIS CONCERT.
MY TREAT. PERIOD" Apparently the show was
THAT good. Easily the best birthday gift I've
ever received in my life, and a day I'll never forget.
Dad, I will obviously never be able to thank you
enough for this. Jess and I are more than grateful.
Means the fuggin' world to us right now - no way in
hell we ever would've been able to do this on our own.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Have I said thank
you enough in this entry? I'm just sincerely grateful
for the support I get.
So expect an entry
Tuesday. I don't expect to have any news on the
"Commercial Agent" front even after the meeting.
I can't imagine anything will happen in those few
minutes that would make them sign me right then and
there. Could they? No clue. I'm not expecting it
anyway. Just happy to have a meeting to talk to
someone about my career. That alone is more than I've
done since the year 2001. LOL.
Damn, 2001 is the
past. Isn't that strange?
Adam
PS -
This is coming to you from the future,
December 22nd to be exact. I had "Coming
Soon" written in the video spot for 2
friggin' months and
completely
forgot about
it.
LOL. I was cleaning up my harddrives
today, and figured - what the hell, let's
put the "car-fire" from summer 2001 in
here. LOL. Completely stupid and
off-subject but at least it doesn't say
coming soon anymore. Enjoy.
