It's been three
years since I wrote an entry from Columbus. Back
then they weren't entries as much as newsletters (the
negative entries now). I could try and make some
poetic point about where I am now, and where I've come
from but screw that. My dad now has a VAIO so I can
update with video and whatnot from here. Big deal.
LOL. I dont' ALWAYS have to be
melodramatic.
Heh.
The trip is goin'
well so far. Total pain in the ass to try and make
sure no sides of the family feel like you're favoring
one side over them. I swear y'all need to fuckin
move out of this city. LOL. All of Jess's family
AND extended family live in Columbus, as do both
divorced sides of my family. It's absolutely nuts.
You'd think 2 weeks would be enough, but it never is.
Coming back for two weeks instead of one basically
means everyone expects to see you double from the time
before and if it's less, than you must not love them
as much. HAHAHA. I'm really fuckin close to flying
into CINCINATTI, and having everyone visit us. Heh.
But it's still been great to see everyone. And it
brings me to the real meat of the entry.
The support from
everyone here is completely overwhelming. Last Sunday
I was on the verge of tears the whole day. Everyone
sincerely just wants to see me make it. There's no
other motivation. They aren't rooting for me so they
get rich, they aren't pulling for me so I can get
them a part in a movie- they just want me to make my
dreams come true. That is what would make them
happiest of all. It's exactly what you would hope your
loved ones felt and in most cases out here it's more
than true. I can't tell you what it means to me. It's
nearly indescribable.
What really gets
me is how insanely selfish I was early this year by
even considering ending my life. I went further than
that and came a few moments away from it. I'll never
be able to describe how close I was. I was truly
out of my mind and it's been a slow uphill climb since
that day, March 5th, to being me again. Truth be told,
I'm not completely there. Tomorrow night's show will
certainly be one step. It almost borders on cheesy to
basically buy a memory by renting out a room and
inviting your friends and family to see your show just
to be happy. I really don't know if I'll come away
thinking that - or if the reaction will make me forget
the stagey-ness of it. At this point, I don't care.
I'm actually bummed it's Wednesday right now because
I've so enjoyed looking forward to this night, and
very soon - it will be over. That's really what's
missing in my life right now: something to look
forward to. Direction, some sort of focus.
Which of course
brings me to Michele Greene. The night before
I left for Columbus she called me and had finally
gotten a chance to check out the Trinitrons tape and
was just so positive. Said her neighbors will probably
complain she was laughing so loud. She seems
determined to help me find the right manager to help
me and generally was just overwhelmingly supportive.
Even if nothing ever comes of this, the friendship is
so nice to have. Because she's already successful I
never get the feeling she's trying to get somethign
out of me constantly. Of course I'd give her anything,
but it's another one of those situations where she
just wants to help. Sincerely thinks the product is
great and wants to help get my talents in front of the
right people. She's not trying to further her own
career as a sitcom writer and using me to get her
there, she's already been there and back. She's just a
nice person. Period. And to hear anyone "in the
industry" say such positive things means the world.
Not to be rude to so many of you who have been
gracious before, that still feels wonderful, but you
guys don't determine my future. The industry does. And
whether I like it or not, in order to "make
it" in some capacity, the industry has to
approve. Believe it or not, Michele is the first
person to react positively about the show from within
the industry. Hard to believe that in my entire time
with Charlotte there wasn't one person who mattered
that said there was anything special about the show.
Goddamn I needed that at some point to reassure
my faith in her. Never came. Ugh.
But anyway,
someday if you read this Michele - thanks. Your
kindness and incredible talent is what has kept you so
successful in this city (and many others) and it won't
soon be forgotten. Hopefully I'll be able to help you
in the future.
For now I prepare
for Thursday, and basically walk in and tip down the
first domino. I'm pretty certain I could put a
cardboard cut-out on stage and no one would care. LOL.
It's the G and Spencer show anyway. But I will
practice my ass off and be ready to kick-ass for sure.
Expect an update Friday.
Adam
Oh
yeah, the video. Uhm - let's just say it's
me flyin' a small commuter plane. Jess's
Dad bought everyone some flying time with
an instructor. Cool huh? Enjoy.
