Well I guess I
wasn't being overdramatic last month.
(sigh). Lemme take
ya back a bit. I was Mr. goatee since 1994-1995.
Some people look absolutely STRANGE without it, and
that would be me. In 1997, I noticed the hair on my
goatee was falling out. I had just seperated from
my first wife in August/September and by October
patches were forming. Then in early 1998
happened, and well - that pretty much did it in.
Palaur ended in March and by the end of April, I could
no longer grow the bottom half of my goatee. Strangely
devestating to me really. I'd rather lose the hair on
my HEAD than my face. I wear a hat to SLEEP as it is
anyway - LOL.
Then in early
2000, nearly 2 years later...it creeped back. And even
with the stress of 2000, and everything in between -
all was good. In fact I wasn't even sure if what had
happened before was stress related. Well, now I'm
pretty sure it is. And if 1997/98 is any indication,
by the end of this year, I will have such huge patches
in my chin, that I will be goatee-less. And there's
really not a damn thing I can do about it now. Once
the stress has hit, even if it's over, the fallout
will occur. CRAZY I tell ya. Totally
guess February and March really kicked my
ass pretty good. The funny thing is, the
hair that's AROUND the fallout
It's GREY. LOL. Wow. I'm still a bit
stunned really. The whole suicide incident
is really screwin' with my head as of
late. I just can't believe it. My state of
mind now, is ME. The way I've always been.
But for a period of 6-8 weeks, I was a
completely different person. So stunningly
low. And not in the same way a "creative"
person like me usually is. It's a known
fact that people like me have big highs
and big lows. A big dramatic roller
coaster. In fact I even like poking fun at
how excited I get about shit - I
understand it's extreme. And when I'm
bummed I BUMMED.
But what happen in
Febraury and March was different. So close.
SOOOO CLOSE. Amazing. And now this. Now I get to
be reminded of it with my hair falling out. GREAT.
Maybe it'll stay right where it's at and not progress.
God I need a vacation from shit right now. What I
wouldn't give to hop on a plane and go chill for a
week in Columbus. I feel like I've been through a WAR
in my body.
But life goes on.
The Improv thing has been fun. I'm doing the show THIS
Wednesday instead of last. Needed more time to get
everything prepared. The rehearsals have been quite
cool. And I still feel the exact same way I did at the
beginning - great for a learning experience, a
challenge, all that...but for an audience? Whew. I
just personally don't find it all that interesting.
But we'll see. Looks like the first show with an
audience will be May 8th. Still got some
now become quite hectic. I offered 2 free cases, with
$2.99 shipping on one of the GameCube boards online,
and HOLY SHIT did people take advantage. My goal
here is to get a nice stable of a couple hundred
"MiniCasers" and then the normal flow of GameCube
titles, will keep me in business. So I did the "2
free" deal basically to hook the kids. HAHA. Then they
have to come back to me. Well it's workin'. Got over
20 new customers this weekend alone. A funny thing
happened this weekend too. I found that I got the same
BUZZ from the "minicases" workin' out as I did with
the "Trinitrons" workin' out. !?!!?! How insane is
that? I'm starting to see more and more what makes me
tick. It's not really performance related. It's doing
something no one has ever thought of. Having a great
product. Making people happy. It's funny, I guess
I've always known that, but Charlotte always fought
with me about it. She actually said to me that
performance is what makes me happy, not creation. If
creation is what made me happy than I would've created
when I wasn't performing. LOL. Did she not look at the
site? Can you believe that? I remember her typing it
in an instant message after a long heated fight, and
it was the sign for me to turn off the computer.
Here's something I've known about myself for easily
over half my life...and here's someone trying to shake
my belief in even that!! (sigh)... Anyway, this
MiniCases thing is really hitting it home. The fact
that I took a negative (having to buy 25 cases when I
only needed 3), and turned it into what could be an
actual BUSINESS, is completely gratifying. In the same
way that 4tvs is gratifying. Kinda puts a whole
different spin on this story doesn't it. What is my
path in pursuit of happiness?
Well I don't
really know, but at 26, this is what I've figured out
so far: I forever want to do things no one has ever
thought of. I want to do things different,
better, and completely unique than what came before.
So I want my own sitcom? Uhm, not really - but
I bet I could change TV a bit. Do I want to make
movies? Yes. I think I have a point of view
that people would care about if put in that spotlight.
But I really think 4tvs is the vehicle to get me to
the right place. From The Trinitrons to Adam & The
Journey, it's just SUCH a unique way to see a
Speaking of which,
the show has now hit the FINAL stage of what I
envisioned 4tvs being in 1999. 4tvs is now on DVD.
Because of a video project I'm doing that required the
finsihed product on DVD, I had to buy a burner. What
was $16,000 when I originally wanted it in 1999, is
now $379. Incredible. So now 4tvs is on DVD and Paddy
doesn't have to videotape every show - LOL. I was
using my DV camera to PLAY the show previously,
so he was providing the taping. As well, sadly,
yesterday - I did my final Cameron opening. A generic,
non-time sensitive opening to play for the rest of the
shows. I actually love it, and think it gets to the
point a lot faster than the previous efforts.
Unfortunately, people never truly apprecated just how
cool it was for Cameron to know the actual DATE of the
show and talk about it. What took me a good 12 hours
extra work each show, was nothing more than
"forgettable" to the audience. Not because it was bad
mind you, but because there's SOOOO much else
going on, the opening is buried. Now to people who saw
the show more than once, it was
"somewhat" appreciated, but to anyone else - it
went RIGHT over their head.
The new opening
however really solves some fundamental problems I've
had with "Live" Adam. I get to set up just what a
dick he is, the cell phone is now Adam's not
Cameron's, and he comes off like a prick from the
get-go. Before there just wasn't enough time to
establish Adam's character. This extra scene at the
beginning does just that. As well, Adam comes out in
the same uniform as the other members, and changes
when they change. It was what I originally intended,
and I can now finally implement it. It makes some of
the other Trinitrons' lines a little more realistic.
It as well, helps to define Adam's character a bit
more. Just an overall stronger presentation. And
pretty much the final piece of The Trinitrons puzzle.
Now that it is a static show, I can make the official
DVD for the 3 of you that asked for it - LOL. I'll
most likely tape the show I do in Columbus when I
get back, (y'all better laugh like you're high) and
then put it all together. Complete with a director's
commentary, outtakes, and a little featurette on the
making of process. Very cool stuff. Seriously, it's
all for me. The only way this would be something
others would want is if I got famous from this, and
that's pretty much NOT gonna happen. But C'est La
So there ya go -
Adam lost his mind so much in March that he's now
losing his hair, and the final piece of the 4tvs dream
is now a reality. Balance baby.
PS - Oh and just
to prove to you that I am cursed with the worst
luck when it comes to purchases and customer service?
The DVD-Burner people overcharged me by $400. Let's
see how long THIS takes to fix...