ENTRY #168
YouTube and Feedback link added 02.11.09
5:35 PM, Wednesday, January 16th, 2002:
And suddenly the green background for 2002 begins to take on a whole new meaning.
First off, the last entry. I threatened for months now to do this - and it's finally happened: an entry I can't post. As well, I'm not entirely sure when it'll be appropriate to post. I can tell you it has to do with Gary and The Comedy Store and is simply incredible. And I mean incredible in the most negative of all fashions. I feel that this entry is as important to "The Journey" as "Incomprehensible" was back in November. Anyway, it looks like what's transpired could easily be coming to a head within the week. It could also be another month. Either way, posting the entry now is just foolish and it'll be just as powerful (and good GOD it is) if I have to do it in a month. So just enjoy the funny movie, and I'll move on.
Unfortunately the "Cameron" headshots I put together for the "Videogame Show Host" simply didn't work. The resolution from the video camera simply COULD NOT be blown up correctly on photo paper, and we missed the deadline for that audition. BUM-MER. Other than throwing "Must be born on John Lennon's Birthday" into the description for that gig, I'm not sure I could've been better suited for it. C'est La Vie.
Yesterday I finally got my REAL headshots done and of course there's a few tidbits of fun to tell. This lady's done quite a few headshots over the years: Andy Garcia, Mariel Hemingway, Cuba Gooding JR., Ed Asner...and of course the big one: JOEY LAWRENCE. LOL. She's personal friends with Joey and all of his brothers and did their headshots as well. I make a big deal out of it because he was my barometer for failure as a teenager. I would see him with an album and it PISSED ME OFF. I knew I could do it as well, and I knew I could act...but I also knew I was not born into a family that PUSHED such things. Every step in this kid's career was in public and I always turned it on myself. Frustrated.
I also realized that he was indeed a physical specimen. Some things in life are givens, and if you look like Joey Lawrence, the opportunities will come quick. However as I look at our positions in life in 2002, I have to wonder if I'd switch. He's trying to fight stereotypes from the mid-nineties, and I have yet to be pinned down. Hmmmm...
So the shoot went well. I guess I was supposed to be really nervous about this. Linda kept saying she was impressed with how comfortable I was in front of the camera, and I kept thinking: "Am I supposed to be uncomfortable?". She mentioned how many people freeze up and it takes a long time to get any emotion out of them. Then how the hell are these people gonna be ACTORS? But hoo-ray for me! I can change my emotion from sly to vulnerable in 1 second! Hot Damn!!! Heh.
Then of course came the "meeting" with Charlotte. And I knew this was a big deal 'cause she wouldn't talk about it on the phone, in the car, at lunch. It was a sit-down in the office meeting. In one sentence: Here's the path now that Aspen's gone. It's a path that could've easily been started last summer, but she was absolutely certain I'd be at Aspen. Aspen erases many "green" aspects of my life. Oh jesus the irony of this whole year being my struggle to gain experience and LOSE the green background I've chosen for 2002 is just painful. What was supposed to represent money is now so obvious. (sigh) - Alright...need to get off this tangent.
Aspen erases many "green" aspects. It all comes back to the suits not trusting their judgement in this business. They have to see certain things on a resume to even consider you. Aspen was a HUUUGE jump, and winning the category proves A LOT. Without that, my lack of experience grows even brighter. So I got a list from Charlotte on what I need to do as an actor in this town to gain this experience and lose the green. I must say, I certainly enjoyed the other path more. LOL. From joining theatre groups, to taking expensive acting classes - these things will build my resume to an acceptable level. I revert back to the "Honeymoon is Over" entry in which I said this path would lead to misery. And what kills me is that somehow Charlotte believes I will still sign a development deal THIS YEAR, going THIS ROUTE. I on the other hand do NOT see this. I see this route going on for years. I see us building up to Aspen AGAIN come November with the only difference being a few acting gigs here and there.
My heart isn't solely as an actor. Though I enjoy it, and do well at it, if I'm not part of the creative process - my HEART AIN'T IN IT. And don't even get me started on acting classes. As in any performance, there are basics to be learned. Take songwriting. I would agree that there are great books, and probably great classes on structure and many tips to learn the craft of songwriting. I would stay about as far away as POSSIBLE from these things. If you're an aspiring songwriter - STUDY YOUR INFLUENCES. Choose those influences WISELY. And then follow your heart. Going to a class will not help you.
In acting, it's the same thing. STUDY FILM. Watch the great ones. FEEL the piece. BECOME the character. Empathize with the words. That is what makes a great actor. Using someone else's method or techniques, in my mind, leads to a generic group of acting, and erases any UNIQUEness you may have. The only value in acting classes I see is PRACTICE. Stretching the muscle. And I think that can be done by joining any local theatre group and putting on a few plays. This is free. The acting classes are FUH-HUCKING expensive. Wow, could you print Fuh-hucking in a newspaper? I mean I never say the word fuck. Hmmm... may need to write a leter to the editor and see. ANYWAY TANGENT MAN...I don't feel there is harm done to me by attending some acting classes, but I do however feel it is a COLOSSAL waste of time, and a COLOSSAL waste of money, all in the effort to make a casting director consider me. If it was JUST for the resume, I guess I'd understand it - but Charlotte fully believes I need it otherwise. Of course she's never seen me act in any dramatic fashion...once again I feel I have to prove myself to Charlotte, just so we're on the same page. (sigh) God I hate that. You want so badly for your representation to know your strengths, and to constantly have to prove yourself gets a little old. She mentioned that she hadn't seen me act with ANYONE else, so she wasn't sure if I could...
!?!?!? And silly me, I thought being able to interract so realistically with figments of my imagination with such a technically complex show as The Trinitrons made being able to act with LIVE PEOPLE a given. (sigh) I was wrong. This infuriates the hell out of me. If Charlotte thinks this, that means quite a few other people think this as well...so basically WHAT THE HELL'S THE POINT OF THE TRINITRONS!?! If people come away with doubts on my acting ability because I'm only doing it with myself....then I'm at square one! DAHHHH!!!!!
So with this acting class disagreement, we've thrown a bit of a wrench into the tightrope sequence (see earlier entries if that reference confuses you). I feel as long as we're still moving forward, doing shows, going on auditions, completing pilots...this will become an argument of simantics. But the seed is set, and we'll all have to wait and see how it grows. Drama drama. Pizza pizza.
And of course the tightrope walk continues with a show at The Amagi next Thursday for the Gersh Talent Agency. With the new path we're on, an agent is QUITE the necessity. Quick reminder, a manager is focussed on your long-term career goals, and an agent is focussed on specific jobs and short-term contracts. It's yet another hand in the cookie jar, but as we all know losing 20% of something is better than having 100% of nothing. So the show next week is pretty big. The more people in your corner, the louder your voice. It should be an exciting night to report.
As well, I'll be playing the Improv Olympic West on Tuesday the 5th at 9:30 PM. Charlotte says that the space is absolutely perfect, and easily the best venue 4tvs has had. Nice 100 seat theatre with stadium seating. It's so nice to have 2 big shows to look forward to when I'm as down as I am right now. They always lift me up a bit.
And let me end this entry by apologizing to all for any perceived anger TOWARDS Charlotte. I assume too often that it's a GIVEN that my frustrations are towards EVERYTHING as a whole, and not that Charlotte isn't doing enough. That couldn't be further from the truth. This is a lady who was still in her office at 11 PM last night because she had to run out and make sure the space for the "Gersh" show was acceptable for my act, ensuring the finalization of it all this morning. I'm not her only client, yet she has always treated me as if I was. That is rare in this city and I'm well aware of that...
What a lesson to be learned folks. Surround yourself with people that work their ass off, and good things happen. Jessica is an inspiration to me daily. Not only is she working her butt off in something that isn't her dream...she's doing it all to secure OUR future. She's got both me and Charlotte beat in that sense. Charlotte and I are living our dreams...Jess is waiting until she can pursue hers. Goddamn, how long will she have to wait...
It's not easy bein' green. Just ask Dewey.
original video file