And suddenly the
green background for 2002 begins to take on a whole
new meaning.
First
off, the last entry. I threatened for
months now to do this - and it's finally
happened: an entry I can't post. As well,
I'm not entirely sure when it'll be
appropriate to post. I can tell you it has
to do with Gary and The Comedy Store and
is simply incredible. And I mean
incredible in the most negative of all
fashions. I feel that this entry is as
important to "The Journey" as
"Incomprehensible" was back in November.
Anyway, it looks like what's transpired
could easily be coming to a head within
the week. It could also be another month.
Either way, posting the entry now is just
foolish and it'll be just as powerful (and
good GOD it is) if I have to do it in a
month. So just enjoy the funny
movie,
and I'll move on.
Unfortunately the
"Cameron" headshots I put together for the
"Videogame Show Host" simply didn't work. The
resolution from the video camera simply
COULD NOT be blown up correctly on photo
paper, and we missed the deadline for that audition.
BUM-MER. Other than throwing "Must be born on John
Lennon's Birthday" into the description for that gig,
I'm not sure I could've been better suited for it.
C'est La Vie.
Yesterday I
finally got my REAL headshots done and of course
there's a few tidbits of fun to tell. This lady's done
quite a few headshots over the years: Andy Garcia,
Mariel Hemingway, Cuba Gooding JR., Ed Asner...and of
course the big one: JOEY LAWRENCE. LOL. She's
personal friends with Joey and all of his brothers and
did their headshots as well. I make a big deal
out of it because he was my barometer for failure as a
teenager. I would see him with an album and it
PISSED ME OFF. I knew I could do it as
well, and I knew I could act...but I also knew
I was not born into a family that
PUSHED such things. Every step in this kid's
career was in public and I always turned it on
myself. Frustrated.
I also realized
that he was indeed a physical specimen. Some things in
life are givens, and if you look like Joey Lawrence,
the opportunities will come quick. However as I look
at our positions in life in 2002, I have to wonder if
I'd switch. He's trying to fight stereotypes from the
mid-nineties, and I have yet to be pinned down.
Hmmmm...
So the shoot went
well. I guess I was supposed to be really nervous
about this. Linda kept saying she was impressed with
how comfortable I was in front of the camera, and
I kept thinking: "Am I supposed to be
uncomfortable?". She mentioned how many people freeze
up and it takes a long time to get any emotion out of
them. Then how the hell are these people gonna be
ACTORS? But hoo-ray for me! I can change my emotion
from sly to vulnerable in 1 second! Hot Damn!!!
Heh.
Then of course
came the "meeting" with Charlotte. And I knew this was
a big deal 'cause she wouldn't talk about it on the
phone, in the car, at lunch. It was a sit-down in the
office meeting. In one sentence: Here's the path now
that Aspen's gone. It's a path that could've easily
been started last summer, but she was absolutely
certain I'd be at Aspen. Aspen erases many "green"
aspects of my life. Oh jesus the irony of this whole
year being my struggle to gain experience and LOSE the
green background I've chosen for 2002 is just painful.
What was supposed to represent money is now so
obvious. (sigh) - Alright...need to get off this
tangent.
Aspen erases many
"green" aspects. It all comes back to the suits
not trusting their judgement in this business. They
have to see certain things on a resume to even
consider you. Aspen was a HUUUGE jump, and winning the
category proves A LOT. Without that, my lack of
experience grows even brighter. So I got a list
from Charlotte on what I need to do as an actor in
this town to gain this experience and lose the green.
I must say, I certainly enjoyed the other path more.
LOL. From joining theatre groups, to taking expensive
acting classes - these things will build my resume to
an acceptable level. I revert back to the "Honeymoon
is Over" entry in which I said this path would
lead to misery. And what kills me is that somehow
Charlotte believes I will still sign a development
deal THIS YEAR, going THIS ROUTE. I on
the other hand do NOT see this. I see this route
going on for years. I see us building up to Aspen
AGAIN come November with the only difference being a
few acting gigs here and there.
My heart isn't
solely as an actor. Though I enjoy it, and do well at
it, if I'm not part of the creative process - my
HEART AIN'T IN IT. And don't even get
me started on acting classes. As in any performance,
there are basics to be learned. Take songwriting. I
would agree that there are great books, and probably
great classes on structure and many tips to learn the
craft of songwriting. I would stay about as far away
as POSSIBLE from these things. If you're an aspiring
songwriter - STUDY YOUR INFLUENCES. Choose
those influences WISELY. And then follow your heart.
Going to a class will not help you.
In acting, it's
the same thing. STUDY FILM. Watch the great ones.
FEEL the piece. BECOME the character. Empathize
with the words. That is what makes a great actor.
Using someone else's method or techniques, in my mind,
leads to a generic group of acting, and erases any
UNIQUEness you may have. The only value in acting
classes I see is PRACTICE. Stretching the muscle.
And I think that can be done by joining any local
theatre group and putting on a few plays. This is
free. The acting classes are FUH-HUCKING expensive.
Wow, could you print Fuh-hucking in a newspaper? I
mean I never say the word fuck. Hmmm... may need to
write a leter to the editor and see.
ANYWAY TANGENT MAN...I don't feel there is
harm done to me by attending some acting classes, but
I do however feel it is a COLOSSAL waste of time,
and a COLOSSAL waste of money, all in the effort to
make a casting director consider me. If it was JUST
for the resume, I guess I'd understand it - but
Charlotte fully believes I need it otherwise. Of
course she's never seen me act in any dramatic
fashion...once again I feel I have to prove
myself to Charlotte, just so we're on the same page.
(sigh) God I hate that. You want so badly for your
representation to know your strengths, and to
constantly have to prove yourself gets a little old.
She mentioned that she hadn't seen me act with
ANYONE else, so she wasn't sure if
I could...
!?!?!? And silly
me, I thought being able to interract so realistically
with figments of my imagination with such a
technically complex show as The Trinitrons made being
able to act with LIVE PEOPLE a given. (sigh) I
was wrong. This infuriates the hell out of me. If
Charlotte thinks this, that means quite a few other
people think this as well...so basically
WHAT THE HELL'S THE POINT OF THE TRINITRONS!?!
If people come away with doubts on my acting ability
because I'm only doing it with myself....then I'm at
square one! DAHHHH!!!!!
So with this
acting class disagreement, we've thrown a bit of a
wrench into the tightrope sequence (see earlier
entries if that reference confuses you). I feel
as long as we're still moving forward, doing shows,
going on auditions, completing pilots...this will
become an argument of simantics. But the seed is set,
and we'll all have to wait and see how it grows. Drama
drama. Pizza pizza.
And of course the
tightrope walk continues with a show at The Amagi next
Thursday for the Gersh Talent Agency. With the new
path we're on, an agent is QUITE the necessity. Quick
reminder, a manager is focussed on your long-term
career goals, and an agent is focussed on specific
jobs and short-term contracts. It's yet another hand
in the cookie jar, but as we all know losing 20% of
something is better than having 100% of nothing. So
the show next week is pretty big. The more people in
your corner, the louder your voice. It should be an
exciting night to report.
As well, I'll be
playing the Improv Olympic West on Tuesday the 5th at
9:30 PM. Charlotte says that the space is absolutely
perfect, and easily the best venue 4tvs has had. Nice
100 seat theatre with stadium seating. It's so nice to
have 2 big shows to look forward to when I'm as down
as I am right now. They always lift me up a
bit.
And let me end
this entry by apologizing to all for any perceived
anger TOWARDS Charlotte. I assume too often that
it's a GIVEN that my frustrations are towards
EVERYTHING as a whole, and not that Charlotte isn't
doing enough. That couldn't be further from the truth.
This is a lady who was still in her office at 11 PM
last night because she had to run out and make sure
the space for the "Gersh" show was acceptable for
my act, ensuring the finalization of it all this
morning. I'm not her only client, yet she has always
treated me as if I was. That is rare in this city
and I'm well aware of that...
What a lesson to
be learned folks. Surround yourself with people that
work their ass off, and good things happen. Jessica is
an inspiration to me daily. Not only is she working
her butt off in something that isn't her dream...she's
doing it all to secure OUR future. She's got both
me and Charlotte beat in that sense. Charlotte and I
are living our dreams...Jess is waiting until she can
pursue hers. Goddamn, how long will she have to
wait...
