ENTRY #166
YouTube and Feedback link added 12.21.07
...the time it takes to have your first orgasm at 12 years old.
(GOD I miss Johnny Carson)
4:51 AM, Thursday, January 10th, 2002:
Wow, if you're too young to remember Johnny Carson, then you're probably highly disgusted by that.
No, Johnny Carson didn't molest me in a hot tub in 1987. Johnny did a bit on The Tonight Show where he played "Karnack the Magnificent!" He'd yell out the answer to cards that were in envelopes, Ed would chuckle, Karnack would glare, and then he'd read the question.
"108 Yes! Heh, heh"
"The age you'll collect social security under the Reagan Economic Plan"
So why the hell am I writing an entry about this? My little brother Kenny turns 12 today, and I wanted to scare my dad. As if the thought of your kid turning 12 isn't worrisome enough - nothin' like adding "sexually active" to the mix. LOL.
Not that what happened to me in 1987 could really be considered sexually active. I was woefully alone. My dad's DJing at an outdoor event at Spinnaker's in Columbus on Saturday, August 22nd, 1987. Pool, hot tub - much fun. I'm chillin' in this hot tub (come to think of it, the heater wasn't working and it actually was cool) watching this woman in a bikini play basketball with this guy. The spray hit me just right and POW. I remember distincly saying "Uhhhhhhhhh...." as if to say "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING" and then BLAMMO: my life was forever changed.
Needless to say the spray "hit me just right" about 3 more times in the next 15 minutes, heh-heh, but I soon realized that these puppies were numbered. Though I tried like hell to continue. And dear GOD the following night. I had to have broken some records. The coolest thing was my realization that I was not super-special. When it first happened I thought I had discovered the greatest thing on the planet. In true Adam Kontras fashion, I'm trying to think of a way to market this "Hot-Tub Spray" invention. By the following night, I started remembering "adult" jokes that hadn't made sense at the time, and it started to all come together. What an appropriate choice of words.
Anyway, so my brother is now 12. Dude was NINE when I moved out here, and this is my third video-present to him. Insane. Since I assume my father won't let him read this entry, here's a tiny one he can print for him.
12:15 AM, Thursday, January 10th, 2002:
TWELVE?!?! Get out DAWG! You're like a real person now! HA! And speaking of that - you freaked me out a bit the last time I talked to you on the phone. Your voice is changing. Man, a kid born in the nineties is gonna be a teenager next year. WHEW. Unthinkable.
Well, I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you - you're growing up fast. About to go from "little man" to "man" - REAL quick. I'd venture to say that in 4 years you'll be taller than both me and dad. Hard to believe now, but I just know you're gonna sprout over 6 feet quick. You're a tall 12 year old, and you'll be a tall 16 year old.
Your video this year is a wee bit different. Decided to be a bit more high-tech for ya. I'll be sending a mini-CD with this on it in high resolution, but for now this one over the net will have to do. And let me just say I have to win the award for coolest older brother of the millenium. This is one COOOOOOL Video. And as cool as it looks over the net, it's that much cooler on the hi-res you'll be receiving shortly. And by the way the big line is "In 4 years, guess what ya can do..." - in case you couldn't understand it over the net. YOU GET TO DRIVE! WOO HOO! Enjoy.


Anyway, I'm extremely proud of how much better you're doing in school. I know it's a drag man, but keep bangin' away at it. Your home life will be so much easier as a result of it.
Don't hesitate to call me (WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT EVERY FRIDAY THING!?!?), and I'll do the same...
Alright, anyone else freaked out by the "kid born in the 90's is gonna be a teenager next year" line? <shudder> It makes me want to kick ass even more. Time's a tickin'!
Unfortunately, my eagerness only leads to sleepless nights. I have to accept that I no longer control my career. This is single-handedly the hardest thing for someone like me to deal with. I have always made the phone calls, I have always set-up the meetings, I have always booked the shows. When I felt like things weren't moving fast enough, I simply moved faster and solved that. And now, moving faster does nothing but drive me nuts. I just have to wait.
And please know, I'm not saying that I could do anything any better than Charlotte is. Nor do I think I SHOULD BE. I shouldn't. Representation obviously puts you on a different level, and the last thing I want to do is go BACKWARDS and make my own calls. I fully understand the importance of Charlotte doing this. And thankfully we actually get along, like to talk to each other, and she keeps me updated. She also desn't seem to get annoyed when I ask her about everything. Thank God. 'Cause it's the only thing I can do to feel like I'm a part of this. And as of right now "this" is still very little.
Monday was the big day that all the studios open and my life can restart. Of course some executives (NBC of course) are still on vacation until tomorrow, and just 'cause Monday things were open, doesn't mean we'd have anything lined up for weeks. So basically the HOLIDAYS set us back a good 5 weeks. Merry Fuckin' Chrismas. Of course whenever I know anything, I'll be writing like a madman again. Right now the only writing I'm doing is on the negative entries (what a GARGANTUAN undertaking this is) and the Trinitrons Pilot. That's worthy of a paragraph.
Man, have you watched any new shows this season? Horrific. The Tick was finally cancelled - about time. What a poorly written show. The more I watch, the happier I get. I think my pilot will stand-out. My biggest hurdle right now has been "tone". Every show has a feel. Cheers felt different than Three's Company. Not even the humor so much as the whole feeling and look of it. It's a hard thing to pin down. As well, I need to set-up the whole series to allow for serious moments: and be believable. These characters will be more than what we see in the live show, and in order to show that depth - I need to pull off serious moments with the funny moments and have it mesh perfectly. You can't even know it's happening. Take "All in the Family". If they were sitting at the dinner table, the conversation could easily go from VERY serious, to VERY funny and it was completely realistic and smooth. Take "Full House". They needed a goddamn string ensemble to pull that off, and it still seemed corny and out of place. It's because the tone of "Full House" is so "wacky" at times that the "moral" is a 180. I hate that. I won't have that. I have to stress realism. These guys actually care about each other. They would go to bat for each other. They're in this together. It's not just a big spoof. And for heaven's sake, the focus will NOT be on the fact that it's one person. It's a monumental undertaking only because this pilot has to set-up an entire series. I have to lay the groundwork for 100 shows in 22 minutes. I'm really close. The plot of the pilot really supports all that I need to hit, and will be funny as hell to boot. And after seeing "Imagine That" (a one-time worry because Hank Azaria is playing multiple characters), I'm gonna stand out. Big Time.
And speaking of standing out, my headshot and resume is being sent out for the first official time today. You want the kicker? Since the photo session was rescheduled for THIS Tuesday, take a look at the photo we have to use:
click to enlarge
LOL! My alter-ego Cameron is auditioning for me. The funny part is...what if they like it?! Do I need to wear those glasses?!?! It's a part hosting a Videogame show on the Sci-Fi channel. Okay, we all know I'm the perfect mutha-fucka for this. From my Talk-Show Host background, to being a VIDEOGAME NUT - BRING IT ON. Unfortunately to even get to the interview stage (where they'd realize I'm perfect-lol), they gotta like your resume and headshot. My resume alone should put me out of the running PURTY quickly. Ahh well, you never know. And my first acting resume! Woo hoo! Feel free to laugh in my face.
As far as all the "other" things a brewin' for this month, I'm just gonna wait until at least ONE of them has some news, and then I'll tell you the status of everything. No reason to just go down a list of: We're nowhere HERE, we're nowhere HERE... ya know. I write too much as it is, why add to the mayhem.
And you need to feel the WAITING too. LOL.
Oh yeah, almost forgot... Remember how in Star Wars during the bar scene you could see the Bee Gees chillin' with the monsters? And of course the part in Jedi where everyone's celebrating with the Ewoks, and Menudo is in the background whoopin' it up?
...fuck you George. Asshole.
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