time it takes to have your first orgasm at 12 years
I miss Johnny Carson)
4:51 AM, Thursday,
January 10th, 2002:
Wow, if you're too
young to remember Johnny Carson, then you're probably
highly disgusted by that.
No, Johnny Carson
didn't molest me in a hot tub in 1987. Johnny did a
bit on The Tonight Show where he played "Karnack the
Magnificent!" He'd yell out the answer to cards that
were in envelopes, Ed would chuckle, Karnack would
glare, and then he'd read the question.
"108 Yes! Heh,
"The age you'll
collect social security under the Reagan Economic
So why the hell am
I writing an entry about this? My little brother Kenny
turns 12 today, and I wanted to scare my dad. As if
the thought of your kid turning 12 isn't worrisome
enough - nothin' like adding "sexually active" to the
Not that what
happened to me in 1987 could really be considered
sexually active. I was woefully alone. My dad's DJing
at an outdoor event at Spinnaker's in Columbus on
Saturday, August 22nd, 1987. Pool, hot tub - much fun.
I'm chillin' in this hot tub (come to think of it, the
heater wasn't working and it actually was cool)
watching this woman in a bikini play basketball with
this guy. The spray hit me just right and POW. I
remember distincly saying "Uhhhhhhhhh...." as if to
say "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING"
and then BLAMMO: my life was forever
Needless to say
the spray "hit me just right" about 3 more times in
the next 15 minutes, heh-heh, but I soon realized that
these puppies were numbered. Though I tried like hell
to continue. And dear GOD the following night. I had
to have broken some records. The coolest thing was my
realization that I was not super-special. When it
first happened I thought I had discovered the greatest
thing on the planet. In true Adam Kontras fashion, I'm
trying to think of a way to market this "Hot-Tub
Spray" invention. By the following night, I started
remembering "adult" jokes that hadn't made sense at
the time, and it started to all come together. What an
appropriate choice of words.
Anyway, so my
brother is now 12. Dude was NINE when I moved out
here, and this is my third video-present to him.
Insane. Since I assume my father won't let him read
this entry, here's a tiny one he can print for
Thursday, January 10th, 2002:
TWELVE?!?! Get out
DAWG! You're like a real person now! HA! And speaking
of that - you freaked me out a bit the last time I
talked to you on the phone. Your voice is changing.
Man, a kid born in the nineties is gonna be a teenager
next year. WHEW. Unthinkable.
Well, I'm sure I'm
not the first to tell you - you're growing up fast.
About to go from "little man" to "man" - REAL quick.
I'd venture to say that in 4 years you'll be taller
than both me and dad. Hard to believe now, but I just
know you're gonna sprout over 6 feet quick. You're a
tall 12 year old, and you'll be a tall 16 year
video this year is a wee bit different.
Decided to be a bit more high-tech for ya.
I'll be sending a mini-CD with this on it in
high resolution, but for now this one over
the net will have to do. And let me just say
I have to win the award for coolest older
brother of the millenium. This is one
And as cool as it looks over the net, it's
that much cooler on the hi-res you'll be
receiving shortly. And by the way the big
line is "In 4 years, guess what ya can do..."
- in case you couldn't understand it over the
net. YOU GET TO DRIVE!
WOO HOO! Enjoy.
extremely proud of how much better you're doing in
school. I know it's a drag man, but keep bangin' away
at it. Your home life will be so much easier as a
result of it.
Don't hesitate to
(WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT EVERY FRIDAY THING!?!?),
and I'll do the same...
else freaked out by the "kid born in the 90's is gonna
be a teenager next year" line? <shudder> It
makes me want to kick ass even more. Time's a tickin'!
eagerness only leads to sleepless nights. I have to
accept that I no longer control my career. This is
single-handedly the hardest thing for someone like me
to deal with. I have always made the phone calls, I
have always set-up the meetings, I have always booked
the shows. When I felt like things weren't moving fast
enough, I simply moved faster and solved that. And
now, moving faster does nothing but drive me nuts.
I just have to wait.
And please know,
I'm not saying that I could do anything any better
than Charlotte is. Nor do I think
I SHOULD BE. I shouldn't. Representation
obviously puts you on a different level, and the last
thing I want to do is go BACKWARDS and make my own
calls. I fully understand the importance of Charlotte
doing this. And thankfully we actually get along, like
to talk to each other, and she keeps me updated. She
also desn't seem to get annoyed when I ask her
about everything. Thank God. 'Cause it's the only
thing I can do to feel like I'm a part of this. And as
of right now "this" is still very little.
Monday was the big
day that all the studios open and my life can restart.
Of course some executives (NBC of course) are
still on vacation until tomorrow, and just 'cause
Monday things were open, doesn't mean we'd have
anything lined up for weeks. So basically the HOLIDAYS
set us back a good 5 weeks. Merry Fuckin' Chrismas. Of
course whenever I know anything, I'll be writing
like a madman again. Right now the only writing I'm
doing is on the negative entries (what a GARGANTUAN
undertaking this is) and the Trinitrons Pilot. That's
worthy of a paragraph.
Man, have you
watched any new shows this season? Horrific. The Tick
was finally cancelled - about time. What a poorly
written show. The more I watch, the happier I get. I
think my pilot will stand-out. My biggest hurdle right
now has been "tone". Every show has a feel. Cheers
felt different than Three's Company. Not even the
humor so much as the whole feeling and look of it.
It's a hard thing to pin down. As well, I need to
set-up the whole series to allow for serious moments:
and be believable. These characters will be more than
what we see in the live show, and in order to show
that depth - I need to pull off serious moments with
the funny moments and have it mesh perfectly. You
can't even know it's happening. Take "All in the
Family". If they were sitting at the dinner table, the
conversation could easily go from VERY serious,
to VERY funny and it was completely realistic and
smooth. Take "Full House". They needed a goddamn
string ensemble to pull that off, and it still seemed
corny and out of place. It's because the tone of "Full
House" is so "wacky" at times that the "moral" is a
180. I hate that. I won't have that. I have to
stress realism. These guys actually care about each
other. They would go to bat for each other. They're in
this together. It's not just a big spoof. And for
heaven's sake, the focus will NOT be on the fact that
it's one person. It's a monumental undertaking only
because this pilot has to set-up an entire series. I
have to lay the groundwork for 100 shows in 22
minutes. I'm really close. The plot of the pilot
really supports all that I need to hit, and will be
funny as hell to boot. And after seeing "Imagine That"
(a one-time worry because Hank Azaria is playing
multiple characters), I'm gonna stand out. Big
And speaking of
standing out, my headshot and resume is being sent out
for the first official time today. You want the
kicker? Since the photo session was rescheduled for
THIS Tuesday, take a look at the photo we have to
LOL! My alter-ego
Cameron is auditioning for me. The funny part
is...what if they like it?! Do I need to wear those
glasses?!?! It's a part hosting a Videogame show on
the Sci-Fi channel. Okay, we all know I'm the perfect
mutha-fucka for this. From my Talk-Show Host
background, to being a VIDEOGAME NUT -
BRING IT ON. Unfortunately to even get to
the interview stage (where they'd realize I'm
perfect-lol), they gotta like your resume and
headshot. My resume alone should put me out of the
running PURTY quickly. Ahh well, you never know.
And my first acting resume! Woo hoo! Feel free to
laugh in my face.
As far as all the
"other" things a brewin' for this month, I'm just
gonna wait until at least ONE of them has some news,
and then I'll tell you the status of everything. No
reason to just go down a list of: We're nowhere HERE,
we're nowhere HERE... ya know. I write too much as it
is, why add to the mayhem.
And you need to
feel the WAITING too. LOL.
Oh yeah, almost
forgot... Remember how in Star Wars during the bar
scene you could see the Bee Gees chillin' with the
monsters? And of course the part in Jedi where
everyone's celebrating with the Ewoks, and Menudo is
in the background whoopin' it up?