ENTRY #165
YouTube and Feedback links added 12.21.07
...and it ain't GREEN for Christmas.
12:01 AM, Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002:
Then again, it ain't really green for money. Believe it or not - choosing green as 2002's color was completely coincidental. However once I realized the symbolism of it - I figured what the hell. What better way to make my expectations for 2002 STARE ME IN THE FACE ALL YEAR. So when I'm a complete BROKE-ASS loser come October, I can type against this GREEN background and shudder. 2000 was black on white, 2001 was white on black, and 2002 is grey on dark green. It seems trivial now, but when looking back over the entries - it's nice to have a "feel" for the time frame. You may also notice that the picture for the entry is now a bit bigger. It always bugged me that I chose 80x60 for my picture size. Now it's 105x60. Could I be anymore dry to start the new year...LOL.

Alright, no way to avoid it. My expectations are HIGH. These are more expectations right now rather than predictions. I'll get to the predictions in a moment. But in the year 2002 I expect to become successful. All the maybes of 2001, I fully expect to become reality in 2002. And truth be told, I expect this in the first half of 2002. When Aspen was still a reality I expected it by March/April, and that may have to drift into May/June - but either way: the first half of 2002. Once you linger into Summer, the develoment deals are all gone. You gotta wait for 2003.

And yes, I do mean a television development deal is my expectation. This is what I've been told to expect since February of 2001. Though I didn't believe it to be possible back then, after the completion of "The Trinitrons" and the reactions thus far - I completely believe and expect to sign a development deal in the coming months.
Could I possibly set myself up for disappointment anymore...
LOL. Listen, I've never done this journey to show how cool I am, how smart I am or how psychic I am. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm reporting on the events that happen and the state of my SOUL as I go through it. If I were to hold back my feelings it would defeat the purpose. If I were cautious in my opinoins it would lessen the effect of the events. What made Aspen so devastating and REAL? My absolute, sincere belief that it was mine. I shouted it from the mountain top.
And if you followed this puppy from the beginning, you felt the exact same humiliation shown in this video. I want you to feel my failures as strongly as you feel the successes. Yes, it FREAKIN' sucks to be publically humiliated. But THAT is what makes "The Journey" special. I'm OUT THERE. I don't hold back. When I succeed it's the highest of highs, when I fail - it's gut wrenching.
Heh, it's everything missing in most movies today. No real character development, and no real emotion, equalling no real attachment to the characters on the screen. It's also what I'm battling with as I write the pilot and bible to "The Trinitrons". Making these characters REAL. Not one trait stereotypes that you could care less about. It's why reality TV blew up so much in recent years. Real people have DEPTH. Real people are multi-layered...and it's FREAKIN' difficult to write REAL people. It's a lot easier to just grab some and film them. But if you're a great writer, you can show that depth and create the attachment on any level.
So in this entry a year ago I said by year's end I wanted "direction" - and I found that exactly one month later. So now am I gonna sign a deal in a month? No. At best, I'd be in talks in a month. My feeling is that around the time of Aspen (early March) I'll have talked with many networks, and will know in what direction I'm heading with them. Then once Aspen is over, March and April will be the REALLY crucial months in finalizing a deal. By May I will be disappointed if these things have not happened. And I say this only because this is what I've been prepared to expect for 11 months. I personally don't know SHIT about how development deals are put together. Haven't the slightest idea. All I can do is follow Charlotte's lead, go by the reaction to the show, and of course the "underwhelmed" sense I get seeing the competition is a good incdicator. Now I just wait and see it unfold.
So there's the expectations. But what do I predict? What does my heart tell me? Well Aspen has thrown that all out of whack. I think my yearly "get drunk and videotape it for honesty" video I did on the 30th may have shone some light. What came out once all inhibition was stripped away was simply this: in my heart of hearts, I can't imagine why a network would sign an absolute no-name like me to a television development deal. As I said above, I have no "feeling" for it. I'm green in this category. Yes, Charlotte seems confident - and SHE understands it...but I haven't a clue. And also, there's really been no positive response from any "industry". Even the meeting with paramount was just 5 minutes of pleasentries followed by a snide remark on why I didn't have a resume or headshot for her. She's a casting director for christ's sake, so what can she do without having those? As incredible as "The Comedy Store" was, the Aspen judges proved that being a crowd pleaser doesn't account for much. And of course...this all goes back to Aspen. No matter what the "theme" was it's a failure, and a glaring one. If you think you have the best one-man show in the world, and you can't even make the top 5 for this festival...it shakes you a bit.
So basically what I'm saying is I'm a bi-polar mess. My expectations are sky-high, but I REALLY NEED some sort of positive feedback from the "industry" to feel assured about getting a development deal. In the end though, this really is extraordinary, isn't it? Could "The Journey" be anymore perfect from a reader's standpoint? Anyone who's followed all the entries for two years - has to be somewhat excited at the prospect of this YEAR 3. The third act of "The Journey". The fact that the 3 years COULD fit so perfectly into a 3-act structure just blows me away. From the struggle, to the direction, to the success. And how wonderful to not be able to skip ahead?!!? You know in the coming years, people will be able to look back on "The Journey" as a WHOLE, and will never consider it breathing and evolving. That sucks. The joy is in the suspense. Then again, I was able to set up "Palaur" so you couldn't skip ahead, just maybe I can do the same with "The Journey" someday down the road.
Anyway, I'm rambling (what else is new)...it's time to shut-up and start the year. Here's the traditional Jess & Adam video for New Year's. Ha - you can see the effects of my previous night's "drunken shoot": just the smell of wine on Jess's breath damn near made me hurl - LOL! Ahh how wonderful. Happy New Year. It's about goddamn time. Of course It'll probably be Monday, the 7th before Charlotte can even think to start making calls on my behalf. (sigh)
original video file